Office ghost.......
Office Ghost...>_<
A sudden sense of lonliness struck me now...i felt so weird...well...shall be going off early today...gotta rest my eyes...it's getting red from all those endless hours of staring at the lappy doing the coding...I hope no one catch me doing that man but staying in the office with very few people can get rather...umm...quiet...And ever since yesterday's incident, i vowed not to stay back in office until so late UNLESS there are people around...i was waiting for Marc and Wily to fetch me @7pm....Everyone started going off at around 5.30pm...leaving me alone at the office...maybe i was hallucinating but i swear i heard the sound of mouse-clicking...and i have always thought that there was someone else with me in the office...so i didn't bother...
I realised that i was actually alone in the entire office when i went to the toilet...the marketing people had left...All lights were off except for my area...well..i prayed hard...very hard...and for a moment, there was silent...an eerie silent...and guess what, the mouse-clicking sound came back again.. -_-" and nope..i didn't have to think of anything..my legs just acted on their own and 'carried' me out of the office...think waiting @the bus stop for the guys seemed like a better alternative man!! The whole scene just reminded me of the show 'Office you gui'...damm...i shouldn't have watch that in the past....!
A sudden sense of lonliness struck me now...i felt so weird...well...shall be going off early today...gotta rest my eyes...it's getting red from all those endless hours of staring at the lappy doing the coding...I hope no one catch me doing that man but staying in the office with very few people can get rather...umm...quiet...And ever since yesterday's incident, i vowed not to stay back in office until so late UNLESS there are people around...i was waiting for Marc and Wily to fetch me @7pm....Everyone started going off at around 5.30pm...leaving me alone at the office...maybe i was hallucinating but i swear i heard the sound of mouse-clicking...and i have always thought that there was someone else with me in the office...so i didn't bother...
I realised that i was actually alone in the entire office when i went to the toilet...the marketing people had left...All lights were off except for my area...well..i prayed hard...very hard...and for a moment, there was silent...an eerie silent...and guess what, the mouse-clicking sound came back again.. -_-" and nope..i didn't have to think of anything..my legs just acted on their own and 'carried' me out of the office...think waiting @the bus stop for the guys seemed like a better alternative man!! The whole scene just reminded me of the show 'Office you gui'...damm...i shouldn't have watch that in the past....!
|2:25 PM|
2 more days to the arrival of Mr 2005
A final entry before 2004 ends...What are my resolutions for Year 2005? Seriously, i haven't really given it a thought but i guess, the most important resolution is to spend more time with my family. Sis spoke to me for an hour this morning..she expressed her displeased regarding my behavior towards the family. Have i change? I seriously don't know...I just don't want to comment too much whenever we argue...To me, it is to prevent a 'bloodshed'...to her, i am simply 'bo chap'....She did say something which really hits me hard...
'You are now trapped in your own world..everything that you do revolves around you...You only want to make yourself happy....you are self-centered...'
Well...maybe she is right...my life is in such a mess that whatever happiness that comes knocking on my door, i just grabbed it...Guess i really want my happiness badly...too badly till i had unknowningly try to attain it at the expense of other people's happiness...=(
Umm...hope 2005 would be a fresh start to everything...It's just 2 more days...well..couldn't start my first dance lesson yesterday due to some minor problem on Marc's side..however, we did made a trip down to the dance school to 'see see look look'...Pretty cool...We missed the hip hop dance but saw the Street Jazz..it wasn't so bad...Wily was kind of impressed with one of the gals in the class..well...erm..she caught my attention too..but in a more negative way...sorry dude!! Met Charles...their sec sch friend...Actually, i am kinda impressed that Marc and Wily are still contacting their ex-St Gabriels school mates pretty frequently...guess i am the exceptional man...Meeting Mel and gang is like a yearly event..some exceptions include bbqs or meeting bfs of whoever who have just gotten attached...Other than that, we don't really contact unless someone is in trouble..
Well..this is getting rather lengthy again...think...i'ii write my new year resolution tmr...haha..Oh ya...it is Eileen's birthday tmr...i seriously wonder when can i pass you the present man...pretty absurd rite? Guess what, keeping presents for half or one year later is the norm among us...even if the presents ends up rotting in the wrapper..we wouldn't know...=p
A final entry before 2004 ends...What are my resolutions for Year 2005? Seriously, i haven't really given it a thought but i guess, the most important resolution is to spend more time with my family. Sis spoke to me for an hour this morning..she expressed her displeased regarding my behavior towards the family. Have i change? I seriously don't know...I just don't want to comment too much whenever we argue...To me, it is to prevent a 'bloodshed'...to her, i am simply 'bo chap'....She did say something which really hits me hard...
'You are now trapped in your own world..everything that you do revolves around you...You only want to make yourself happy....you are self-centered...'
Well...maybe she is right...my life is in such a mess that whatever happiness that comes knocking on my door, i just grabbed it...Guess i really want my happiness badly...too badly till i had unknowningly try to attain it at the expense of other people's happiness...=(
Umm...hope 2005 would be a fresh start to everything...It's just 2 more days...well..couldn't start my first dance lesson yesterday due to some minor problem on Marc's side..however, we did made a trip down to the dance school to 'see see look look'...Pretty cool...We missed the hip hop dance but saw the Street Jazz..it wasn't so bad...Wily was kind of impressed with one of the gals in the class..well...erm..she caught my attention too..but in a more negative way...sorry dude!! Met Charles...their sec sch friend...Actually, i am kinda impressed that Marc and Wily are still contacting their ex-St Gabriels school mates pretty frequently...guess i am the exceptional man...Meeting Mel and gang is like a yearly event..some exceptions include bbqs or meeting bfs of whoever who have just gotten attached...Other than that, we don't really contact unless someone is in trouble..
Well..this is getting rather lengthy again...think...i'ii write my new year resolution tmr...haha..Oh ya...it is Eileen's birthday tmr...i seriously wonder when can i pass you the present man...pretty absurd rite? Guess what, keeping presents for half or one year later is the norm among us...even if the presents ends up rotting in the wrapper..we wouldn't know...=p
|11:22 AM|
Reflections
Reflections
IN 2004...
how many galfriends? Many!! Fang, Min, Jun, Mel, Eileen, Wen...
how many breakups? er..1...i don't have alot of boyfriends k?
how many crushes? er..that would be 2...
care to mention any names? Of course not man!! Even if they get hitched or even die one day, i will NEVER EVER reveal my feelings..unless...the liking is 2-way...but then again, i will not make the first move....
had to say goodbye to? Alvin
missed anyone? Hmm...yeap,,,definitely..
win anything? Eh....
best place you went to? Ngee Ann..../ Overseas field trip to Thailand
worst place you went to? none...
happiest moment? Quite a few actually..i didn't anticipate that the 2nd half of 2004 would be so damm suay for me...luckily i treasured those happy moments in the past..
worst moment? No need answer this question...got too many 'worst' moments...
best present? Every present is always the best for me....
best party? Guess the Double-o trip during my birthday week and my last clubbing trip to black on deepavali eve...
movie? The Incredibles....I love the daughter and the Elastic gurl/Mrs Incedible...
song? I still love Sonique's 'It feels so good' + Jamelia's 'Superstar'
12 lessons you've learned from 2004? Ok..this is gonna get lengthy...
1) Friendships are fragile
2) Clubbing alot made me older...heck..people tgt i am the older sister in the family..damm it!
3) I learn to be more independent after becoming single...
4) Know the right way of balancing between studies and love..
5) Beauty sleep is important
6) Never confide the same problems to your best friend/s else you will risk losing them...esp if they have already gave you solutions...
7) It is important to be thrifty...
8) Believe in myself
9) Never regret the things that i do
10) Always prepare to face any consequences for the things that i say or do
11) Love is a wonderful feeling
12) Family values should be treasured...
hope for this new year? That i will find my Mr Happiness....
clothing item or outfit of the year? Haha...guess it would be wen's top...that was the most revealing top i ever wore in my entire life...
jewelry of the year? hmm...rings from Alvin...
makeup product of the year? Blusher
color of the year? Black
car of the year? Still Mitsubishi Colt or Mercs A-Class..
food of the year? Bread + instant noodles....haha..i don't know..have been eating those quite frequently...
drink of the year? Graveyard...
class of the year? My previous class before restructuring..think T07/T08..
gift of the year? A necklace from SK Jewellry from Alvin...
holiday of the year? Nopee
achievements of the year? My results..got a couple of ADs... + lessons from my relationship with Alvin...made me realised alot of things... + still learning how to treasure my family...+ broke my clubbing record (not very positive achievement thou)... +restart a whole new friendship with fang....
IN 2004...
how many galfriends? Many!! Fang, Min, Jun, Mel, Eileen, Wen...
how many breakups? er..1...i don't have alot of boyfriends k?
how many crushes? er..that would be 2...
care to mention any names? Of course not man!! Even if they get hitched or even die one day, i will NEVER EVER reveal my feelings..unless...the liking is 2-way...but then again, i will not make the first move....
had to say goodbye to? Alvin
missed anyone? Hmm...yeap,,,definitely..
win anything? Eh....
best place you went to? Ngee Ann..../ Overseas field trip to Thailand
worst place you went to? none...
happiest moment? Quite a few actually..i didn't anticipate that the 2nd half of 2004 would be so damm suay for me...luckily i treasured those happy moments in the past..
worst moment? No need answer this question...got too many 'worst' moments...
best present? Every present is always the best for me....
best party? Guess the Double-o trip during my birthday week and my last clubbing trip to black on deepavali eve...
movie? The Incredibles....I love the daughter and the Elastic gurl/Mrs Incedible...
song? I still love Sonique's 'It feels so good' + Jamelia's 'Superstar'
12 lessons you've learned from 2004? Ok..this is gonna get lengthy...
1) Friendships are fragile
2) Clubbing alot made me older...heck..people tgt i am the older sister in the family..damm it!
3) I learn to be more independent after becoming single...
4) Know the right way of balancing between studies and love..
5) Beauty sleep is important
6) Never confide the same problems to your best friend/s else you will risk losing them...esp if they have already gave you solutions...
7) It is important to be thrifty...
8) Believe in myself
9) Never regret the things that i do
10) Always prepare to face any consequences for the things that i say or do
11) Love is a wonderful feeling
12) Family values should be treasured...
hope for this new year? That i will find my Mr Happiness....
clothing item or outfit of the year? Haha...guess it would be wen's top...that was the most revealing top i ever wore in my entire life...
jewelry of the year? hmm...rings from Alvin...
makeup product of the year? Blusher
color of the year? Black
car of the year? Still Mitsubishi Colt or Mercs A-Class..
food of the year? Bread + instant noodles....haha..i don't know..have been eating those quite frequently...
drink of the year? Graveyard...
class of the year? My previous class before restructuring..think T07/T08..
gift of the year? A necklace from SK Jewellry from Alvin...
holiday of the year? Nopee
achievements of the year? My results..got a couple of ADs... + lessons from my relationship with Alvin...made me realised alot of things... + still learning how to treasure my family...+ broke my clubbing record (not very positive achievement thou)... +restart a whole new friendship with fang....
|4:21 PM|
Tsunami Aftermath
Tsunami Aftermath
Well..after learning of the tsunami that killed almost 20000 people, my heart went out to those who had died. Indeed it was really unfortunate for those who were at the places which were affected by the devastating tidal waves...I guess it is just a matter of being at the wrong place and at the wrong time..but then again, when your time is up, you can never escape it...Still, i certainly hope that those who died could lead a better next life...god bless...
Well..despite being bad bad bad this year, i still receive Xmas gifts...=)
Fang : A pretty cute Pooh bear
Coreen : Handmade photoframe + ....er....i don't know what you call that...multi-purpose stand basically..it can act as a deco as well as a torch in case of blackouts!
Jun : 'lao hong' killer biscuits...! But no worries..still edible thou...
Marcus : 12 different kinds of candies with jap characters wrappers..pretty cute..(don't think i am gonna eat those..too cute to eat..) + green tea kit kat (ok..i didn't know sg has..i am ignorant..) + an xmas card with a...well..erm...some deco that i can hang..it comes with xmas songs too! oh ya...the last gift was the SIMs 2 edition...
Eileen : A handphone deco of my horoscope...cant bear to use it man...very nice leh...
Alvin : Quite surprising to rcv gifts frm him...gotten 2 scarves of diff colors...can wear to work..=) + a hp deco + hallmark xmas card from China..pity i cant really read the chinese words tho..think China uses traditional chi..
Anyway..thanks to all for the wonderful gifts..you are all better than SANTA!!
Well..after learning of the tsunami that killed almost 20000 people, my heart went out to those who had died. Indeed it was really unfortunate for those who were at the places which were affected by the devastating tidal waves...I guess it is just a matter of being at the wrong place and at the wrong time..but then again, when your time is up, you can never escape it...Still, i certainly hope that those who died could lead a better next life...god bless...
Well..despite being bad bad bad this year, i still receive Xmas gifts...=)
Fang : A pretty cute Pooh bear
Coreen : Handmade photoframe + ....er....i don't know what you call that...multi-purpose stand basically..it can act as a deco as well as a torch in case of blackouts!
Jun : 'lao hong' killer biscuits...! But no worries..still edible thou...
Marcus : 12 different kinds of candies with jap characters wrappers..pretty cute..(don't think i am gonna eat those..too cute to eat..) + green tea kit kat (ok..i didn't know sg has..i am ignorant..) + an xmas card with a...well..erm...some deco that i can hang..it comes with xmas songs too! oh ya...the last gift was the SIMs 2 edition...
Eileen : A handphone deco of my horoscope...cant bear to use it man...very nice leh...
Alvin : Quite surprising to rcv gifts frm him...gotten 2 scarves of diff colors...can wear to work..=) + a hp deco + hallmark xmas card from China..pity i cant really read the chinese words tho..think China uses traditional chi..
Anyway..thanks to all for the wonderful gifts..you are all better than SANTA!!
|9:34 PM|
~Is Monday again..~
~Is Monday again..~
I ate an ice cream cone today..to all of you out there, this sounds pretty normal isn't it? Well..i eat ice cream for 2 major reasons:
1) The 'time of the month' is here...
2) I wanna make myself happy...
And of coz, my gfs shd know that Dec 26 is certainly not the 'time of the month' for me. So tt left with option #2...A gf ever told me that sweet stuff can make people happy..i don't know if this is true but im just gonna believe it...whenever i m depressed, i have a tremendous craving for ice cream...strange and unhealthy habit...but..heck...!
Well...there is this thing that i wanna blog down...somehow, i just cannot forget this incident..really amused me greatly..i met Marc sec school friends for the first time at PS...i only rem Zhe Hong btw...club with him before at zouk..he reminded me of Cher Wee..haha...well...i was kind of surprised/shocked/agape/astonished when they couldn't really pronounce my name..considering the fact that they are all eng-educated..er...no offence Marc..i was just amused cause my name aint that difficult to pronounce rite? It's pretty common too...haha..well..it's alright la..all of them learn something new that morning...=)
I ate an ice cream cone today..to all of you out there, this sounds pretty normal isn't it? Well..i eat ice cream for 2 major reasons:
1) The 'time of the month' is here...
2) I wanna make myself happy...
And of coz, my gfs shd know that Dec 26 is certainly not the 'time of the month' for me. So tt left with option #2...A gf ever told me that sweet stuff can make people happy..i don't know if this is true but im just gonna believe it...whenever i m depressed, i have a tremendous craving for ice cream...strange and unhealthy habit...but..heck...!
Well...there is this thing that i wanna blog down...somehow, i just cannot forget this incident..really amused me greatly..i met Marc sec school friends for the first time at PS...i only rem Zhe Hong btw...club with him before at zouk..he reminded me of Cher Wee..haha...well...i was kind of surprised/shocked/agape/astonished when they couldn't really pronounce my name..considering the fact that they are all eng-educated..er...no offence Marc..i was just amused cause my name aint that difficult to pronounce rite? It's pretty common too...haha..well..it's alright la..all of them learn something new that morning...=)
i know the pictures are kinda girly..but they are pretty cute thou...anyway..if this could happened, girls can save on rebonding money...hah!
|8:17 PM|
Xmas Day
Xmas Day
The time is 8.30pm now..i am alone at home, blogging; i haven't eaten anything since morning; i am now sick sick sick....'Ah choo!!!'
Pretty dreadful xmas but guess what..i dun seem to feel anything...guess i am numbed...i am just hungry...really hungry...waiting for the food that mum and dad are buying for me...lonliness plays an important part in this dreadful xmas...gone were those days that i celebrate xmas @Alvin's house...today, i paid a visit to his mum and granduncle...gotta make sure that both of them are well while Alvin is away...dad ever told me that this is not my responsibility coz ultimately, we have broke up....But i didn't care coz i am just doing what i should do...
His granduncle is already coming close to 90 years old..can you imagine if he is alone @home and had a fall or cut himself? i don't dare to imagine the consequences...When i visited his house, his granduncle was sitting by the window..taking a rest...and of coz, my beloved dino was standing by...well...all the memories came flooding back into my mind as i stepped into the house...i still remember vivdly that wed morning when Alvin left for China...i could see the sad faces around..including Dino...the feeling is tormenting...i can't describe it...i just feel that the house is really dark and empty...in the past, Fionne would come home and everyone helped prepare for Xmas celebration...but now...it is just so empty...
Anyway..the library was closed today...can't borrow my programming books..damm..i ain't feeling too well and headed for home...wanna take a good rest...
And the time now is 9.33pm and i finally had my 3-in-1 meals...wanton mee...n some other stuff that dad bought home..well...as mentioned in my previous entry, what is xmas like without Alvin? The ans is simple, lonliness...and i certainly don't hope that he is feeling this too...someone ask me recently 'What do you want for christmas?' I didn't reply...but deep down, i had the answer....
i just want happiness to find me........
The time is 8.30pm now..i am alone at home, blogging; i haven't eaten anything since morning; i am now sick sick sick....'Ah choo!!!'
Pretty dreadful xmas but guess what..i dun seem to feel anything...guess i am numbed...i am just hungry...really hungry...waiting for the food that mum and dad are buying for me...lonliness plays an important part in this dreadful xmas...gone were those days that i celebrate xmas @Alvin's house...today, i paid a visit to his mum and granduncle...gotta make sure that both of them are well while Alvin is away...dad ever told me that this is not my responsibility coz ultimately, we have broke up....But i didn't care coz i am just doing what i should do...
His granduncle is already coming close to 90 years old..can you imagine if he is alone @home and had a fall or cut himself? i don't dare to imagine the consequences...When i visited his house, his granduncle was sitting by the window..taking a rest...and of coz, my beloved dino was standing by...well...all the memories came flooding back into my mind as i stepped into the house...i still remember vivdly that wed morning when Alvin left for China...i could see the sad faces around..including Dino...the feeling is tormenting...i can't describe it...i just feel that the house is really dark and empty...in the past, Fionne would come home and everyone helped prepare for Xmas celebration...but now...it is just so empty...
Anyway..the library was closed today...can't borrow my programming books..damm..i ain't feeling too well and headed for home...wanna take a good rest...
And the time now is 9.33pm and i finally had my 3-in-1 meals...wanton mee...n some other stuff that dad bought home..well...as mentioned in my previous entry, what is xmas like without Alvin? The ans is simple, lonliness...and i certainly don't hope that he is feeling this too...someone ask me recently 'What do you want for christmas?' I didn't reply...but deep down, i had the answer....
i just want happiness to find me........
|8:30 PM|
Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve ^^
Tmr is XMAS!!!! i m trying to keep my spirits high even though so many goddamm things happened to me..it aint a good feeling...well..my first xmas without a partner after 2 years..dunno how it would be like...hmm..maybe ordinary..anyway..
to Alvin: It has been about 1 week+ since you have left and supposely 1 month after we broke up..well..wherever you are stationed at currently and whoever you are spending your xmas with, i hope you spend it well and meaningfully k? It hadn't been an easy ride for you and me..but i certainly hope you're working and studying hard ya.
to Mel & Eileen: Gals..i dun like the idea of everyone pushing the blame to themselves (i know i m doing tt too!)..well..let's just let all these misunderstanding stays in 2004 ya? I feel that it's just not worth it for our friendship to be ruined by that..And afterall, it's everyone's own perception to think whatever they like..(Ya..i m talking about myself)...
And i definitely DON'T agree that we are not closer in any ways..do you know that i never ever take the effort to contact my friends after i left sch? I am pretty heck care abt it..but why m i still in contact with the both of u? Coz i feel that u gals are special and have made an impact in my life...All 5 of us have gone through so much in sec school..mel's and my feud, bbqs, picnics, prom, graduation, etc....and i was so glad that Mel and i cleared up our misunderstanding b4 we left STC...else i would really regret it for my entire life...
to Fang, Coreen, Huajun: Gals..thanks for all of ur presents...n Huajun....ur biscuits have not 'lao hong'...omg...ur hokkien is superb....*thumbs up*
to Wen, Marcus, Bingyu, Jess, Cindy, Wei Xin and all my friends: Thanks for everything...this year really sucks alot...but i guess w/o u ppl..i will never survive this year...hugz hugz...
Tmr is XMAS!!!! i m trying to keep my spirits high even though so many goddamm things happened to me..it aint a good feeling...well..my first xmas without a partner after 2 years..dunno how it would be like...hmm..maybe ordinary..anyway..
to Alvin: It has been about 1 week+ since you have left and supposely 1 month after we broke up..well..wherever you are stationed at currently and whoever you are spending your xmas with, i hope you spend it well and meaningfully k? It hadn't been an easy ride for you and me..but i certainly hope you're working and studying hard ya.
to Mel & Eileen: Gals..i dun like the idea of everyone pushing the blame to themselves (i know i m doing tt too!)..well..let's just let all these misunderstanding stays in 2004 ya? I feel that it's just not worth it for our friendship to be ruined by that..And afterall, it's everyone's own perception to think whatever they like..(Ya..i m talking about myself)...
And i definitely DON'T agree that we are not closer in any ways..do you know that i never ever take the effort to contact my friends after i left sch? I am pretty heck care abt it..but why m i still in contact with the both of u? Coz i feel that u gals are special and have made an impact in my life...All 5 of us have gone through so much in sec school..mel's and my feud, bbqs, picnics, prom, graduation, etc....and i was so glad that Mel and i cleared up our misunderstanding b4 we left STC...else i would really regret it for my entire life...
to Fang, Coreen, Huajun: Gals..thanks for all of ur presents...n Huajun....ur biscuits have not 'lao hong'...omg...ur hokkien is superb....*thumbs up*
to Wen, Marcus, Bingyu, Jess, Cindy, Wei Xin and all my friends: Thanks for everything...this year really sucks alot...but i guess w/o u ppl..i will never survive this year...hugz hugz...
|10:51 AM|
Mr 2004, you are bad.....>.<
Mr 2004, you are bad.....>.<
Note: Gals...i m not pissed..just wanna pen my thoughts after reading ur blogs regarding our meeting..i seriously think that i m incurring the wrath of many people ard me...so ppl..if u dun wanna get hurt, kindly step away from me...
Mel...i know u are upset...actually, when i came back to our table after buying the drinks..i already knew that something went wrong for just that short moment when i was away...ur face gave u away...i know u too well...sigh...i never have the intention to reveal to ya abt the bad impression thingy coz it is not neccessary..But since it was being told to ya...i wont deny tt coz ultimately, it's the truth..in addition, i am prepared to face the consequences...What i wanna let you know is that whatever things i do or say, i DON'T have bad intentions..i just dun wan my gd fren of almost 10 years to get hurt in any ways...I DON'T regret what i said abt him coz ultimately, what i said were facts..if u have regretted telling me, i wanna let u know tt i HAVEn'T regretted listening to u..Sorry gal...As mentioned in ur blog, 'It has changed everything'..i dunno what things have change..but i certainly hope it will not be our friendship...
Secondly, just be urself...u may think tt childish-ness is a bad thing..but to me..it is ur strength..n i need frens who have these child-like behaviour to constantly reminding me that i am still young..do u know tt in these recent years, i realised tt i m 'growing old'? Not physically but mentally..i have matured so fast tt i don't really know what is like being a teenager anymore..it's scary...so be thankful tt ur still young @heart ya...if given a choice, i wanna be like u too...
As for Eileen, i rem a certain someone telling me tt 'Vent all u want on ur good frens, tt's what frens r for!'...well...i wasnt mad at u..just worried...
Gals...guess the meeting on mon was really screwed up...n it seemed like i was the cause of it...
~~~~~My apologies to u gals..~~~~~
Well..i have been offending alot of ppl recently...dunno why...it's 8 more days to the arrival of Mr
2005...cant wait for 2004 to GET THE HELL OUTTa MY LIFE....
Note: Gals...i m not pissed..just wanna pen my thoughts after reading ur blogs regarding our meeting..i seriously think that i m incurring the wrath of many people ard me...so ppl..if u dun wanna get hurt, kindly step away from me...
Mel...i know u are upset...actually, when i came back to our table after buying the drinks..i already knew that something went wrong for just that short moment when i was away...ur face gave u away...i know u too well...sigh...i never have the intention to reveal to ya abt the bad impression thingy coz it is not neccessary..But since it was being told to ya...i wont deny tt coz ultimately, it's the truth..in addition, i am prepared to face the consequences...What i wanna let you know is that whatever things i do or say, i DON'T have bad intentions..i just dun wan my gd fren of almost 10 years to get hurt in any ways...I DON'T regret what i said abt him coz ultimately, what i said were facts..if u have regretted telling me, i wanna let u know tt i HAVEn'T regretted listening to u..Sorry gal...As mentioned in ur blog, 'It has changed everything'..i dunno what things have change..but i certainly hope it will not be our friendship...
Secondly, just be urself...u may think tt childish-ness is a bad thing..but to me..it is ur strength..n i need frens who have these child-like behaviour to constantly reminding me that i am still young..do u know tt in these recent years, i realised tt i m 'growing old'? Not physically but mentally..i have matured so fast tt i don't really know what is like being a teenager anymore..it's scary...so be thankful tt ur still young @heart ya...if given a choice, i wanna be like u too...
As for Eileen, i rem a certain someone telling me tt 'Vent all u want on ur good frens, tt's what frens r for!'...well...i wasnt mad at u..just worried...
Gals...guess the meeting on mon was really screwed up...n it seemed like i was the cause of it...
~~~~~My apologies to u gals..~~~~~
Well..i have been offending alot of ppl recently...dunno why...it's 8 more days to the arrival of Mr
2005...cant wait for 2004 to GET THE HELL OUTTa MY LIFE....
|11:30 AM|
I have been so insensitive...
i have been so insensitive
Oh my...my insensitivity have apparently caused some misunderstanding...sorry gal...guess i hang out too much with the saggis....(*staring @Fang, Jun and Coreen*)...i became rather tactless too...no offence ya...
btw..i just realised that my previous blogs are super lengthy...oops...guess everyone would go through this stage when they just started blogging..anyway...to Mr Anoinamous...very very interesting riddle...luckily i rem ur name...else i'ii be clueless for the rest of my life....=)
Oh my...my insensitivity have apparently caused some misunderstanding...sorry gal...guess i hang out too much with the saggis....(*staring @Fang, Jun and Coreen*)...i became rather tactless too...no offence ya...
btw..i just realised that my previous blogs are super lengthy...oops...guess everyone would go through this stage when they just started blogging..anyway...to Mr Anoinamous...very very interesting riddle...luckily i rem ur name...else i'ii be clueless for the rest of my life....=)
|11:42 PM|
What a sucky day...
What a sucky day!
Mr Santa Claus..i know that i've not been good this year...n i m on the 'Bad' List for 2004..but..u dun have to do this to me right.. @ the very most..u dun have to give me xmas gifts...i am alrite with that..Argh....!! Just let me recap what happened to me for the past 2 days ya...
Sat:
Went to Chinablack with Marcus, Trefor and Alvin...WAS intending to have a happening time..ya right...A really happening time indeed that u have given me Mr Santa...i haven't even step into black when i was rejected by them!! They refused my entry just because i wore slippers!! can u believe it..iz not even beach slippers..iz URS.Inc..iz expensive..iz sophisticated..iz trendy..iz acceptable..iz not ugly..iz casual i know...but...goddamm the heels..i dun wear heels to club coz ultimately, i would get into more catfights with the ppl whose toes i WILL trod on while dancing..n boy..i AM GONNA BOYCOTT CHINABLACK...not eternally but just for this period of time coz i have discover a new place to club..shall go into further details abt the new club later...COme on lor..CHinablack rely on the ladies to get the male customers...if ur gonna reject all ladies who wore slippers, den u can really kiss ur club goodbye..n of coz, i have little influence on the customers that u have..so no worries here..but u have certainly lost a loyal customer coz i really do LOVE black alot..too bad!!
Well..Alvin didn;t bring his IC..so the 3 of us + Alvin's cousin headed to rouge..trefor had already paid for his entry fee..thus, he stayed at black..Rouge had some celebration..we were only allow entry at 12mn and thanks to Marcus..i got in free..=p...well..it was like the 2nd double-o..except that double-0 is more happening...maybe iz due to the fact that sat is not the R&B nite..thus..tt explain the crowd's 'dead-ness' at the dance floor..anyway, the Wicked Aura Batucada were there to perform for Rouge's Birthday...sis's idol..haha..they were good...just some pretty embarassing moment when i took photos with the leader of the group..yup..i wont deny this..i weigh much more than i looked..haha...so well..i WAS VERY embarrassed..hah..the music was house + trance..R&B on thurs only..sob sob..never mind..rouge seems like a nice place to hang out..guess in my period of boycotting black..i may go to zouk, dbl-o or rouge..
Sun:
Nothing really much happened except that i was preparing the xmas gifts..handmade all of them..did cut myself in the process..guess i wasgetting rusty with my crafting skills..some are still not complete thou..gotta rush for wed and thurs is approaching very soon..gotten 'interrogated'by my parents for my clubbing trips..guess they dun like me clubbing to much..seriously..i think i might have burn my liver for drinking too much..but heck..anyway...i told mum n dad abt the dance class..they prefer the dance classes to clubbin..doh..what choice do they have..
Mon:
This day, 20th Dec 2004, is the most 'memorable' day ever...i will never ever forget this man!! Dear Mr Santa..this incident is the most embarrassing of all and i thank you so much for letting me have such wonderful memories for Year 2004...i was on my way to work today and upon reaching GoldBellTower (my office)...i realised that................................................................................
*The zip of my skirt came undone.*
And iz not a simple 'undone'...the zip actually spilt backwards..no matter how i tugged at my precious skirt..the zip just wont budge..ah ha..now i noe y everyone was staring at me on the train...abit of my thigh is exposed..as well as my 'lingerie'....damm...now the whole world knows what i m wearing today..!! And Singaporeans, you all are sooooo 'helpful'...no no...you think that it is perfectly fine for a young lady like me to 'expose' my leggy..well..u all have definitely made it to the 'Good' List this year....wth!! Well..i was stranded in the toilet for quite a while..with my supervisor and Hwee Eng helping me..unfortunately..still not fixed...Hwee Eng found 2 safety pins for me..it can only hold on for quite a while..gosh..!! And Mr M, it is NOT baby clips..i DUN wear baby clips..baby clips are so damm big man..bleah!! =p...Anyway..bought a pepper plus skirt during lunch..pretty short..hope my bosses dun mind thou..i m not worried abt my legs fats or whatsoever..i m just concerned abt the shortness actually...well...heck la..since i got something to wear..why complain????
Note: i think my eccentric self is back..this is BAD!!!
Mr Santa Claus..i know that i've not been good this year...n i m on the 'Bad' List for 2004..but..u dun have to do this to me right.. @ the very most..u dun have to give me xmas gifts...i am alrite with that..Argh....!! Just let me recap what happened to me for the past 2 days ya...
Sat:
Went to Chinablack with Marcus, Trefor and Alvin...WAS intending to have a happening time..ya right...A really happening time indeed that u have given me Mr Santa...i haven't even step into black when i was rejected by them!! They refused my entry just because i wore slippers!! can u believe it..iz not even beach slippers..iz URS.Inc..iz expensive..iz sophisticated..iz trendy..iz acceptable..iz not ugly..iz casual i know...but...goddamm the heels..i dun wear heels to club coz ultimately, i would get into more catfights with the ppl whose toes i WILL trod on while dancing..n boy..i AM GONNA BOYCOTT CHINABLACK...not eternally but just for this period of time coz i have discover a new place to club..shall go into further details abt the new club later...COme on lor..CHinablack rely on the ladies to get the male customers...if ur gonna reject all ladies who wore slippers, den u can really kiss ur club goodbye..n of coz, i have little influence on the customers that u have..so no worries here..but u have certainly lost a loyal customer coz i really do LOVE black alot..too bad!!
Well..Alvin didn;t bring his IC..so the 3 of us + Alvin's cousin headed to rouge..trefor had already paid for his entry fee..thus, he stayed at black..Rouge had some celebration..we were only allow entry at 12mn and thanks to Marcus..i got in free..=p...well..it was like the 2nd double-o..except that double-0 is more happening...maybe iz due to the fact that sat is not the R&B nite..thus..tt explain the crowd's 'dead-ness' at the dance floor..anyway, the Wicked Aura Batucada were there to perform for Rouge's Birthday...sis's idol..haha..they were good...just some pretty embarassing moment when i took photos with the leader of the group..yup..i wont deny this..i weigh much more than i looked..haha...so well..i WAS VERY embarrassed..hah..the music was house + trance..R&B on thurs only..sob sob..never mind..rouge seems like a nice place to hang out..guess in my period of boycotting black..i may go to zouk, dbl-o or rouge..
Sun:
Nothing really much happened except that i was preparing the xmas gifts..handmade all of them..did cut myself in the process..guess i wasgetting rusty with my crafting skills..some are still not complete thou..gotta rush for wed and thurs is approaching very soon..gotten 'interrogated'by my parents for my clubbing trips..guess they dun like me clubbing to much..seriously..i think i might have burn my liver for drinking too much..but heck..anyway...i told mum n dad abt the dance class..they prefer the dance classes to clubbin..doh..what choice do they have..
Mon:
This day, 20th Dec 2004, is the most 'memorable' day ever...i will never ever forget this man!! Dear Mr Santa..this incident is the most embarrassing of all and i thank you so much for letting me have such wonderful memories for Year 2004...i was on my way to work today and upon reaching GoldBellTower (my office)...i realised that................................................................................
*The zip of my skirt came undone.*
And iz not a simple 'undone'...the zip actually spilt backwards..no matter how i tugged at my precious skirt..the zip just wont budge..ah ha..now i noe y everyone was staring at me on the train...abit of my thigh is exposed..as well as my 'lingerie'....damm...now the whole world knows what i m wearing today..!! And Singaporeans, you all are sooooo 'helpful'...no no...you think that it is perfectly fine for a young lady like me to 'expose' my leggy..well..u all have definitely made it to the 'Good' List this year....wth!! Well..i was stranded in the toilet for quite a while..with my supervisor and Hwee Eng helping me..unfortunately..still not fixed...Hwee Eng found 2 safety pins for me..it can only hold on for quite a while..gosh..!! And Mr M, it is NOT baby clips..i DUN wear baby clips..baby clips are so damm big man..bleah!! =p...Anyway..bought a pepper plus skirt during lunch..pretty short..hope my bosses dun mind thou..i m not worried abt my legs fats or whatsoever..i m just concerned abt the shortness actually...well...heck la..since i got something to wear..why complain????
Note: i think my eccentric self is back..this is BAD!!!
|4:14 PM|
A new Beginning
~~ Your mind is wandering. The quality of your efforts is slipping noticeably. If you cant snap out of this, at least step away from dangerous machinery. Turn it off for a while or let somebody else take over. ~~
This is my horoscope for today from the copy of Streats. Pretty accurate thou. I just cant focus my work and this is bad. I have just been given my 2nd assignment. Had a 2 hour meeting with my supervisor and Mr Handsome. Haha..i was still telling jun they all that I’ve finally saw some ‘light’ in SAP…apparently, all the super duper handsome guys r stationed a@14floor and they are all foreigners lor…n I m just not interested in foreigners. Anyway, I am trying to go against my horoscope. =) Guess that was what dad meant by ‘a rebellious nature in me’. When ppl say go left, I go right. When ppl ask me to do this, I’ii do the opposite despite the fact that they are correct. I guess I just dun like to be told what to do…unless being forced…
Well…it has been 2 days since Alvin left..hope he is doing fine thou...pretty cold in China now…hmm…I always thought that singlehood can get pretty lonely. I have been proven wrong by my friends! Just 2 days after joining the bachelorettes club, my schedule seemed packed man…started hanging out more often with my friends…n I even have activities on weekends..so dAD, no worries…u wont have to ask me that qn anymore coz I shd be planning my Sundays outings with friends from now onwards…n…dun worry abt me having no bf…I dun intend to have one now…need some time to enjoy my singlehood and erm…it will also get pretty unfair to the guy in my 2nd relationship (if any)…I dun wanna hurt another person again…=)
Hmm…I just kept pondering over this, ’ Why would ppl get jealous or to put it in a nicer way, envious? I know it all involves the human mind. This is one complicated psychological problem.and it is something that I can never comprehend.. Pretty intellectual stuff..I think Eileen might have studied this in her psychology course..Oh ya ppl..just to do a little advertising here..IF you need to see a psychology in future, say abt 5 years later, come to me ya…well…I guess jealousy is part and parcel of life..it all depends on how u can control and handle it.. well…I know of a gal who is going through this stage of jealousy or envious situation…she is infatuated with Mr Bachelor apparently..but…her feelings for him were never revealed..she just doesnt want to.. well..her gf was also infatuated with him and somehow, they are progressing well… anyway, her gf and Mr Bachelor looks compatible in every way… After much thinking, she decides to back off and leave it to fate to decide her future..even if Mr Bachelor gets hitch one day, she would never ever reveal her feelings and would silently wish him well… I m not sure if this is love?............................................... ^_^'' nah.. cant be.
Btw..i might be taking up hip hop and r&b lessons soon…my wish have finally come true man..i’ve aleways wanted to learn that since year1, unfortunately, no one wanted to join me..n now, I m so damm fortunate to have a friend who shares this similar interest as me..i cant wait for class to start man!!!! Guess time will pass much better this way…=)
PS: I didn’t go against my horoscope after all….damm…I just realized that I’ve been blogging for so long…wah…my 2nd assignment..!
~~ Your mind is wandering. The quality of your efforts is slipping noticeably. If you cant snap out of this, at least step away from dangerous machinery. Turn it off for a while or let somebody else take over. ~~
This is my horoscope for today from the copy of Streats. Pretty accurate thou. I just cant focus my work and this is bad. I have just been given my 2nd assignment. Had a 2 hour meeting with my supervisor and Mr Handsome. Haha..i was still telling jun they all that I’ve finally saw some ‘light’ in SAP…apparently, all the super duper handsome guys r stationed a@14floor and they are all foreigners lor…n I m just not interested in foreigners. Anyway, I am trying to go against my horoscope. =) Guess that was what dad meant by ‘a rebellious nature in me’. When ppl say go left, I go right. When ppl ask me to do this, I’ii do the opposite despite the fact that they are correct. I guess I just dun like to be told what to do…unless being forced…
Well…it has been 2 days since Alvin left..hope he is doing fine thou...pretty cold in China now…hmm…I always thought that singlehood can get pretty lonely. I have been proven wrong by my friends! Just 2 days after joining the bachelorettes club, my schedule seemed packed man…started hanging out more often with my friends…n I even have activities on weekends..so dAD, no worries…u wont have to ask me that qn anymore coz I shd be planning my Sundays outings with friends from now onwards…n…dun worry abt me having no bf…I dun intend to have one now…need some time to enjoy my singlehood and erm…it will also get pretty unfair to the guy in my 2nd relationship (if any)…I dun wanna hurt another person again…=)
Hmm…I just kept pondering over this, ’ Why would ppl get jealous or to put it in a nicer way, envious? I know it all involves the human mind. This is one complicated psychological problem.and it is something that I can never comprehend.. Pretty intellectual stuff..I think Eileen might have studied this in her psychology course..Oh ya ppl..just to do a little advertising here..IF you need to see a psychology in future, say abt 5 years later, come to me ya…well…I guess jealousy is part and parcel of life..it all depends on how u can control and handle it.. well…I know of a gal who is going through this stage of jealousy or envious situation…she is infatuated with Mr Bachelor apparently..but…her feelings for him were never revealed..she just doesnt want to.. well..her gf was also infatuated with him and somehow, they are progressing well… anyway, her gf and Mr Bachelor looks compatible in every way… After much thinking, she decides to back off and leave it to fate to decide her future..even if Mr Bachelor gets hitch one day, she would never ever reveal her feelings and would silently wish him well… I m not sure if this is love?............................................... ^_^'' nah.. cant be.
Btw..i might be taking up hip hop and r&b lessons soon…my wish have finally come true man..i’ve aleways wanted to learn that since year1, unfortunately, no one wanted to join me..n now, I m so damm fortunate to have a friend who shares this similar interest as me..i cant wait for class to start man!!!! Guess time will pass much better this way…=)
PS: I didn’t go against my horoscope after all….damm…I just realized that I’ve been blogging for so long…wah…my 2nd assignment..!
|11:17 AM|
what is life without him?
what is life without him?
Alvin is leaving on wed.. @8.45am…which means we gotta arrived at the airport at 6.45am….well…guess it is really good bye to him…fortunately, I have completed the stuff that I was suppose to give him b4 he leave…yest nite..I found an incomplete set of comics drawn by jess abt 2 years back…the comic’s storyline is abt Alvin and my relationship…from the start of it and supposingly, to the end…but jess didn’t complete it despite my constant reminders…this morn..i msg her…asking her to do me this big favour of completing the comics…I even wanna pay her for it…n being a good fren of mine…she agreed to continue, without me paying of coz…n I guess I might be able to collect them next Sunday…no stress jess…if u cant complete it by next sun..inform me ya..i’ii wait patiently for it…
I feel that everything is so ironic…I dunno if this is the right word to use but somehow..i feel it is….when we were together..the comic was never completed…now that we broke up..i requested for the comics to be completed…also..alvin could never ever rem my home add n NRIC and sometimes..even my BD…now that we broke up…he just rem it so well that I was kinda shocked…
Well…I m gonna take MC tmr…hope my supervisors aren’t reading this..i have no choice…I prefer taking off and den compensating it back by working late everyday..hmm….i doubt this is allowed thou….anyway..i wont have the mood to work too…sis is so worried till she took half day leave to accompany me tmr…Sisters are the best man!! Love ya Sis!! She just doesn’t wan me roaming ard in daze on the streets…sis, for heaven sake, I m not a beggar!! I dun roam…I just want some peace…
Mum came to me yesterday and told me this: ‘Girl, your dad wanna counsel you.’ I was like: What!! I guess both of them are worried that I cant accept the fact that Alvin is leaving…dad kept asking me to go out, to go out AND to go out….esp on Sundays coz I would usually be out with Alvin…i dunno…I told him that I might just zzz and zzz on Sundays and I think he doesn’t want that…I guess he doesn’t wan me to be alone…but den…I also wanna club…but sis restricts me..argh…I dunno what to do man….
Alvin is leaving on wed.. @8.45am…which means we gotta arrived at the airport at 6.45am….well…guess it is really good bye to him…fortunately, I have completed the stuff that I was suppose to give him b4 he leave…yest nite..I found an incomplete set of comics drawn by jess abt 2 years back…the comic’s storyline is abt Alvin and my relationship…from the start of it and supposingly, to the end…but jess didn’t complete it despite my constant reminders…this morn..i msg her…asking her to do me this big favour of completing the comics…I even wanna pay her for it…n being a good fren of mine…she agreed to continue, without me paying of coz…n I guess I might be able to collect them next Sunday…no stress jess…if u cant complete it by next sun..inform me ya..i’ii wait patiently for it…
I feel that everything is so ironic…I dunno if this is the right word to use but somehow..i feel it is….when we were together..the comic was never completed…now that we broke up..i requested for the comics to be completed…also..alvin could never ever rem my home add n NRIC and sometimes..even my BD…now that we broke up…he just rem it so well that I was kinda shocked…
Well…I m gonna take MC tmr…hope my supervisors aren’t reading this..i have no choice…I prefer taking off and den compensating it back by working late everyday..hmm….i doubt this is allowed thou….anyway..i wont have the mood to work too…sis is so worried till she took half day leave to accompany me tmr…Sisters are the best man!! Love ya Sis!! She just doesn’t wan me roaming ard in daze on the streets…sis, for heaven sake, I m not a beggar!! I dun roam…I just want some peace…
Mum came to me yesterday and told me this: ‘Girl, your dad wanna counsel you.’ I was like: What!! I guess both of them are worried that I cant accept the fact that Alvin is leaving…dad kept asking me to go out, to go out AND to go out….esp on Sundays coz I would usually be out with Alvin…i dunno…I told him that I might just zzz and zzz on Sundays and I think he doesn’t want that…I guess he doesn’t wan me to be alone…but den…I also wanna club…but sis restricts me..argh…I dunno what to do man….
|5:20 PM|
Changing of blogskin......
I love this blogskin...wanted to change the pic...but...gotten some problems with it...damm!! i also wanna get rid of some unnecessary stuff that comes with the template...all these need time..n i m.......LAZY man.....sorry ppl...gotta let u guys see the incomplete blogskin....shall continue my coding when i've the time...
well...i like purple and no...i m NOT sexually deprived..so to all the lechers out there, dun bother to msg me in friendster or email me for any fun in whichever NUS lab ya....
|4:09 PM|
Note: Ppl…b4 u decided to read my entry, im just gonna let u all know that this Is just another entry similar to the previous few…so kindly refrain frm scrolling down to read if you dun wanna see repeated stuff…thank you..
I seriously hate my life now…it is so messed up…so screwed up…I have never felt like this in my life b4….i get seriously frustrated over small stuff…regarding Ms Wendy, I’ii also get pretty uncomfortable @the slightest mention of her…dunno why…
When I am with my friends, iii always try to hide my troubled self…that’s pure torture…However, I dun wanna talk abt it either…guess this is what I call ‘running away from problems’….i m doing just that…I’ve no courage, no energy,, no mood to sort out my own feelings…there were times that I wanna talk to someone…tk this morning for instance, a gd fren called me and I felt like confiding in her all my problems…but somehow..i dunno what to say…I cant find the right words to say anything..i just kept sighing and sighing…I guess she dunno what to do as well…it suddenly dawn on me that whatever things that I wanna say is pretty meaningless and unnecessary…thus..i just ended this thing off by telling her: ‘Never mind…it is ok…’ and changed topic..I mean tt’s no point talking abt it and irritate the ppl around me…it just isn’t worth it…and I felt that I shouldn’t let my problems and sorrows affect my friends’ cheery selves…they just dun deserved it…Why make others suffer with ya….
I’ii be going shopping after work for BD and farewell gifts…a fren commented that I am always shopping and buying things that are not for myself…I told him that I dun need gifts…I dun need to shop for myself…at this moment…I just want a simple thing and that is happiness…he replied me by saying that happiness would come to me one day…but I really wonder when will this day come…..
PS: some ppl apparently found some of my entries rather entertaining…please…have a heart…I am NOT trying to be an entertainer here n I certainly dun find my entries amusing in any ways..=/.i am just penning down my thoughts n I think I am going through a rather bad patch now…if u guys want funny entries..go read wen’s blog…tt’s what I call real entertainment..
|3:39 PM|
clubbing nite...
Note: i think that the blog skin sucks big time…sorry to the ppl who had to read my entries with a terrible background..shall change it as soon as I can…well…gotta upload a few pics too…words get ppl bored…
Anyway, I seriously think that i have the aunt agony’s face…ppl all turn to me for solutions…well..what I can say is I am constantly playing aunt agony to everyone and even to myself….ironically, everyone has solutions but I just dun have one to my own problems…What a shame…
I seriously dun mind helping ppl out..but there are some times that when I have my own problems (pretty serious ones), ppl still come to me despite knowing that I m facing difficult times..why?? I dunno…under certain circumstances, I would gladly help…for instance, my fren’s grams just passed away few days back…consoling n hearing him out is something that I would do coz his pain is definitely worse than mine…@least my love ones are still alive and kicking…whereas his love one isn’t ard anymore…
Well…I have a dbl-o party tonite…a combined birthday party with ZIkai and Wen…coincidently, both birthdays fall on the same day, 12 Dec …strange…hmm…I had actually proposed an alternative to wen a few days ago…requesting for her dbl-o tri p to be push backward till a weekend or fri…everyone tgt that it was a gd idea…however, wen wasn’t happy…she feels that it was suppose to be her birthday and I ought to be there…I know it is pretty last min to change everything now…well…fri or sat would be better coz
1) fang and huajun might be able to make it…tt makes 2 more ppl
2) we can all stay longer at that place…no prob coz everyone is able to sleep longer on sats…
3) think i would be much happier with the absence of any tom, dick or harry that might crash into ur party…
but it is all useless coz after all, it’s wen’s call and I respect her decision…wen…hope u dun invite anyone that we r not familiar with…I know u wanna increase the number but I am seriously worried for ur safety…if I am staying for the entire trip…I dun mind a thousand tom, dick or harrys coz I am here to protect u….but…sigh…just be more careful ya…I am very sure that Zikai will be drunk tonite…I dunno who else to approach….
Anyway, I seriously think that i have the aunt agony’s face…ppl all turn to me for solutions…well..what I can say is I am constantly playing aunt agony to everyone and even to myself….ironically, everyone has solutions but I just dun have one to my own problems…What a shame…
I seriously dun mind helping ppl out..but there are some times that when I have my own problems (pretty serious ones), ppl still come to me despite knowing that I m facing difficult times..why?? I dunno…under certain circumstances, I would gladly help…for instance, my fren’s grams just passed away few days back…consoling n hearing him out is something that I would do coz his pain is definitely worse than mine…@least my love ones are still alive and kicking…whereas his love one isn’t ard anymore…
Well…I have a dbl-o party tonite…a combined birthday party with ZIkai and Wen…coincidently, both birthdays fall on the same day, 12 Dec …strange…hmm…I had actually proposed an alternative to wen a few days ago…requesting for her dbl-o tri p to be push backward till a weekend or fri…everyone tgt that it was a gd idea…however, wen wasn’t happy…she feels that it was suppose to be her birthday and I ought to be there…I know it is pretty last min to change everything now…well…fri or sat would be better coz
1) fang and huajun might be able to make it…tt makes 2 more ppl
2) we can all stay longer at that place…no prob coz everyone is able to sleep longer on sats…
3) think i would be much happier with the absence of any tom, dick or harry that might crash into ur party…
but it is all useless coz after all, it’s wen’s call and I respect her decision…wen…hope u dun invite anyone that we r not familiar with…I know u wanna increase the number but I am seriously worried for ur safety…if I am staying for the entire trip…I dun mind a thousand tom, dick or harrys coz I am here to protect u….but…sigh…just be more careful ya…I am very sure that Zikai will be drunk tonite…I dunno who else to approach….
|1:49 PM|
Girls talk.....
I am just gonna get direct about this…if u ppl mind abt the topic ‘period’ den it is just too bad! I am sure everyone, including the guys would know what the hell it is… the mood swing and temperamental attitude of mine had lasted for 2 whole weeks…I am pissed…super pissed with the delay…delays gets me paranoid…constantly gotta bring a small bag bag along whenever I go to the ladies…I think the entire business development department would know that it is the ‘time of the month’ for me…and it is getting real uncomfortable knowing that ‘it’ will come almost anytime…fortunately, I wore a black skirt today…if I did stain (hope not!) @least it wont be so obvious…gosh…I can’t believe it...i am getting pissed over minor stuff… luckily I m not exactly attached now…or else….tsk tsk…my poor bf…potential suitors (if any) , back off..i dun wanna get into any relationship now…ppl whom I dislike, you dun even need to appear before me coz I’ii make u suffer hell….!
Well…been receiving my hugs from ppl who know what I have been thru….thanlss and special hugs to u all too…I am just getting awfully bad…heck…just call me Ms Eccentric…=)
Well…been receiving my hugs from ppl who know what I have been thru….thanlss and special hugs to u all too…I am just getting awfully bad…heck…just call me Ms Eccentric…=)
|1:19 PM|
He is leaving....
As mention in the title...he is leaving...not sure if it is for good or for these few years...no matter what..i still felt sad...i cant bear to see him go but what choice do i have....i need a break...a break from relationships for a while...he respected my decision...since he chose to leave, i ought to respect his decision too...For these past few days..i've been thinking alot...thinking abt whether we shd patch back..in the end..the answer was still a 'no'...not tt bcoz i wanna have fun or what..just that i m not prepared to commit at the moment...i dun wanna hurt him again...i can anticipate that the blowwould be much greater compared to now...
I celebrated his birthday on sat, 4 Dec...to me...it was the saddest birthday that i've ever celebrated with him....Every hour, min, sec was extremely precious to us....we didn;t want the time to pass so quickly...unfortunately, time waits for no man...we took quite a number of photos at orchard...guess he posted it up to friendster...we were both controlling our emotions...on the surface, i pretended to be happy bcoz he had specifically requested to have a happy and memorable birthday...i didn't want my sad mood to spoil the entire day...i want him to leave singapore with good memories..not bad ones...
I still love him though...but knowing that leaving singapore would let him have a brighter future, i am willing to let him go...i would miss him definitely...i seriously dunno how to pass my days without him calling and sms-ing me everyday...it seems like i have to become independent suddenly...guess i relied too much on him...he kept reminding me the same things everyday...to make sure that i wont forget when he is not around...
i felt so lost suddenly...i dunno what to do...but den again...the decision has already been made..he will be leaving sometime this week or maybe next week...shall be going to China to work for 3 months...after which, he will pursue a degree somewhere else...guess i wont be seeing him for about 5years++...well...the feeling is not good...definitely not good...i dunno...i might even wait for him...maybe when he is back...i'ii have grown up and say good bye to my beloved clubbing....
I celebrated his birthday on sat, 4 Dec...to me...it was the saddest birthday that i've ever celebrated with him....Every hour, min, sec was extremely precious to us....we didn;t want the time to pass so quickly...unfortunately, time waits for no man...we took quite a number of photos at orchard...guess he posted it up to friendster...we were both controlling our emotions...on the surface, i pretended to be happy bcoz he had specifically requested to have a happy and memorable birthday...i didn't want my sad mood to spoil the entire day...i want him to leave singapore with good memories..not bad ones...
I still love him though...but knowing that leaving singapore would let him have a brighter future, i am willing to let him go...i would miss him definitely...i seriously dunno how to pass my days without him calling and sms-ing me everyday...it seems like i have to become independent suddenly...guess i relied too much on him...he kept reminding me the same things everyday...to make sure that i wont forget when he is not around...
i felt so lost suddenly...i dunno what to do...but den again...the decision has already been made..he will be leaving sometime this week or maybe next week...shall be going to China to work for 3 months...after which, he will pursue a degree somewhere else...guess i wont be seeing him for about 5years++...well...the feeling is not good...definitely not good...i dunno...i might even wait for him...maybe when he is back...i'ii have grown up and say good bye to my beloved clubbing....
|8:03 PM|
.......i am depressed.....
It is a depressing day today…the scenes from yesterday kept replaying and replaying in my mind…I am doubtful…asking me to give up clubbing is as good as asking me to chop off my right arm…however, if the chopping off my right arm can bring joy to people…I guess the sacrifice should be worth it…why make everyone unhappy? It is a situation now whereby everyone becomes happy and I became sad…so….well…I was heading for work today…been playing my mp3 player….in it contains all my fav R&B songs…kept thinking of Chinablack…I dunno why…guess that was the place where I first discovered those R&B songs….
My unhappy thoughts went away temporary when I reached Newton…guess what…I saw this really adorable dog…dunno what’s the breed though….it has very short legs and long body…the fur looks golden bronze…very very cute…it was so damm excited and for a moment, I thought the owner would end up flying with it…it reminded me so much of dino…hee~~ well…I felt a sudden urge to pat it…however, I didn’t want to as the owner might not like it….
Well…I m now drowning in my unhappy thoughts again…why do I keep facing the same problem over and over again…..i have no answer…guess it is my bad karma…my bad luck..my bad day…I never felt so stressed in my entire life b4….even the stress of studying doesn’t make me get outta control…I feel like leaving….feel like running away…I cant take it….I m so pressurized…but no worries…I wont commit suicide…I still wan my life…however, if I do died in a freak car accident or some stupid tragedy today…dun cry for me coz this will be my fate…my time is up…..
However, if I do survive today..i will be back to solve whatever problems that I had ran away from…but I guess…not now….till then….everyone please take care…
Love ya….
My unhappy thoughts went away temporary when I reached Newton…guess what…I saw this really adorable dog…dunno what’s the breed though….it has very short legs and long body…the fur looks golden bronze…very very cute…it was so damm excited and for a moment, I thought the owner would end up flying with it…it reminded me so much of dino…hee~~ well…I felt a sudden urge to pat it…however, I didn’t want to as the owner might not like it….
Well…I m now drowning in my unhappy thoughts again…why do I keep facing the same problem over and over again…..i have no answer…guess it is my bad karma…my bad luck..my bad day…I never felt so stressed in my entire life b4….even the stress of studying doesn’t make me get outta control…I feel like leaving….feel like running away…I cant take it….I m so pressurized…but no worries…I wont commit suicide…I still wan my life…however, if I do died in a freak car accident or some stupid tragedy today…dun cry for me coz this will be my fate…my time is up…..
However, if I do survive today..i will be back to solve whatever problems that I had ran away from…but I guess…not now….till then….everyone please take care…
Love ya….
|10:04 AM|