Finally blog...
|7:40 PM|
My first depressing entry after CNY
After that several outburst and tactless entries written before CNY, i vowed to change my attitude and become a better person. Everything is going well so far. Yes, i do try to refrain from writing depressing entries. Somehow, i just cant help it. So here it goes:
I have been indulging in ice cream lately. Almost 2-3 times a week. No peeps. Don't tell me bout' those calories that comes with it ya. I DON'T wanna listen. And just a recap of what i wrote in the past. I eat ice-cream for 2 reasons:
1) Time of the month is coming.
2) I wanna make myself happy. Even for a short moment.
It's usually only one reason. This time round, both reasons apply to my current situation. Damm.
Today was suppose to be my last day at SAP. But my system screwed up. No, not my system actually. It's the SAP server! Forcing me to return on monday to clear up the mess. My supervisor told me that there might be a possibility that they may not wanna use my system. It's like, what the hell man. I put in so dammm much effort and time to code out the system. And yes, Sis helped me in some ways but overall, i was alone doing this project for them. Basically, the bottom line is:
Everything is just so so disappointing. Many peeps told me to heck and leave. But somehow, i just cant.
I am tired. Wanna have a good sleep real badly. Haven't been sleeping well for 2 weeks already. =\
Met up with Mel and Eileen. I know both gals have their problems. Think Mel is in a pretty bad shape now. But she couldn't speak up. Not that she doesn't want to, just that she couldn't express herself properly. I know that is torturing. That's why i kept using my intuition to guess her problems, hoping to hit on the right one. Almost there tho. =)
As for Eileen, she is plagued by problems but as usual, she reserved her comments and act normal. Gal, you are troubled, so don't deny this k? From your entries, i can tell that you are as cynical as me ya. The old me actually. =p
Alritey, see you gals soon ya. Prolly on Mel's birthday. And Mel, you are crazy. Your birthday list included a handphone! Hah. Get a toy phone for ya la. =p
|12:23 AM|
Attachment
|9:05 AM|
|1:22 PM|
|12:42 AM|
Nite @Bar Celona
|8:34 PM|
10 Mar 05
|8:30 PM|
My feelings.
There is a possibility that you would read my entry. Yes, you did apologise to me for your actions. I accepted it. But that would not stop me from blogging about my feelings towards this incident. Just to let ya know that you are NOT totally at fault for what happened. I have a part to play too.
I have been hurt. Not just emotionally but physically too. My feelings? I was at a loss of what to do when it happened. And that was the second time that i turned my back on someone and walked off. I didn't wanna stay there. When that incident happened, my first thought was to go home for i know that home is the place where i would be safe. Safe from harm. Yes, the damage has been done. It would take some time for me to cool down, so pardon me when i don't wanna see ya for a time being.
To tell ya the truth, i am scared. Awfully scare.
Sis felt that i was a lil' grumpy this morning. I was feeling angry. And i think deep down, she was also calling me a "grumpy bear". Y'see, i always called dad a "grisly, grumpy old bear" cause basically,
he is a grumpy person!
I don't think i am being rude to dad. Really. But think it's retribution. I became like him too. >,<
Been trying to complete my system. Deadline this friday before my last assignment shall be assigned to me. To put it simply:
The degree of stress at SAP aint lesser than FYP. In fact, it's the same. Was having dinner with Marc, Tref, Jerome and gang on monday. Heard some peeps making fun of Jerome cause he behaved weirdly when coding his group's DB. Trust me peeps.I knew exactly how Jerome felt. That wassssss stress. =)
To friends who have approached me for help on coding. For just this week, i am not able to help fully due to my assignment. My apologies for that ya. SOrry =p
|5:36 PM|
CLubbing @Black
Wei Xin was pretty drunk on fri. But still insisting that he could drive. Kept telling everyone : "Give me 20 mins and i'ii be fine!" Haha. I sweared that he has used up "alot of 20 mins". =p Well, i was the last to alight. He drove Wen to John's house first. Anyway, had a rather meaningful but short chat with him during my journey back home. Felt that he has changed. More mature that is. =))
A friend commented that i seemed to spend alot nowadays. Well baby, you don't know how thrify i was in the past! Haha. I don't think i am being spendthrift here cause many things that i've bought were purely for sis. SHe was kinda feeling low and i thought that giving her some surprises would be nice. =) I just lurrvvee to see the happy look on her face.
With regards to Wen's latest entry on "Happiness is a choice". Let me give my two cents' worth ya.
Happiness IS a choice. And Wen, i'ii gladly let you strangle me if it makes you feel better. That's what good friends are for rite? =) Yes, i know life can be really sucky at times. Seriously, it really depends on how you handle it, isn't it? When i know things are going bad for me, i'ii try to take things in my stride and think positively. It aint easy but i am trying! =) It simply amazes me on how the lil' things in life can sometimes bring tremendous amount of happiness. I just hope to live life simply and be happy.
To Kesh:
|11:59 AM|
Relationships..
Seriously la, "Where is the loooooovvvvvvveee?" =) The reasoning is simple.
No love, move on.
Really. Why the lack of courage to step out to explore? There MAY be better ones out there. Afraid of lonliness? Yes, long-term relationships do get a lil' routine and boring. But seriously, it's up to ya and your partner to spice things up. =)
One book to recommend. "1001 Ways to be Romantic". It is a book by, erm, can't remember. SOrry. =p I borrowed it from Kelvin and it's simply interesting. Still halfway through tho. That book have certainly taught me something:
I feel a strong urge to club now. Prolly tmr. =)) I miss the good ol' days of clubbing with familiar people. Really. I am very selective of the people that i club with after Ms Wendy's incident. Up till this day, the incident still stings. No doubt my original clubbing group has "disbanded", i would still like to say that the days partying at DBL-O were the MOST enjoyable clubbing trips i ever had in my ENTIRE life. Thank you for giving me this wonderful memory. 7 of you in total; 3 guys and 4 girls.
Just one last thing to note. My own theory tho.
Behind every event, there would always be these certain types of people: The manipulator who staged the moves. And, the scapegoat.
I have just learnt this. Mankind can be pretty evil at times. Nuff said.
|3:27 PM|
Tuesday...
Attachment is ending soon. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I am waiting, waiting and waiting. I hope NTU or SMU accepts me. Shalln't pin hope on NUS tho. I wanna study badly. I miss the feeling of attending lectures with my good friends. Lunching and bitching. Working is just so different. I should have opt for 2-months ITP.
Singlehood has turned sis and i into compulsive shoppers. I am always a happy soul after i shopped. Sense of satisfaction never fails to lift my mood BUT of course, i know when to limit myself. =))
As for sis, she just aint satisfied with anything she purchase. -_-" Sis, it is just the starting of your healing process. Relax hur.
And when i said i have found my precious, i don't meant a 'bf'. Haha. Mr You-know-who-you-are, i have just found my lost gift.
The power of rumours. Gotten this from Wen's msn nick. Seriously, rumours can just be so rotten. Really. And Wen has to be the unfortunate girl to be caught in it. i just hate rumours. And i hate it even more when the rumour is on me or on my baybehs. Wen, i am here with ya k? You are not alone. Muack. Love ya baby. Just read Wen's blog. She has posted Miss Rumour' s pic and 'blog entry'. Well, the lady who started this whole thing that is. I have no comments except that rumours should be justify. It just aint ethical to write untrue stuff. A declaration of war? I don't know.
|5:19 PM|