mad about cindy and peter
Entry at viewers' discretion. (i seldom spurt vulgarities. Regardless of writing or speech. But those two issues has gotten me so maddd.)
Sometimes, i simply can't understand how some people can forget the existance of their friends when they gotten attached. Yes, iwas guilty of these 4 years ago. But that one year of singlehood got me thinking about the close friends whom i neglected. Gotten me thinking on how they have all stood loyally by my side when iwas in trouble.
That's why in my current relationship with Alvin, friends became our priority in our lives too. Meet ups with Serene, Fang, Jun, Min and Mel (when she was still in SG) keeps me sane and really, all those bitching and girls' talks that we have alway brings me away from my hectic life in school. I believe that at times, moments away from him does the relationship good. And i think he shares the same sentiment as well. We can't possibly leeched on each other every day. That's crazy.
Iknow we are all reaching 21 and fast becoming adults. But really, with his strings of flings and such in the past, you ought to be more careful. As quoted by myself in an email: "To me, if you're gonna neglect your friends for a guy who seemed to be only interested in f**king you, then you're prolly the most screwed-up person in this world. But what can i say, love is blind." Yes, that was harsh but did you know the detriment that your fellow good friend suffer when you subtly threw her out of the room to sleep with your boy? That is so maddening.
Yes, iam angry. But iam so helpless as well that i cant do anything. you're so far away from me. And girl, iam particularly worried about you. Anyway, do call me when you can, yes? imissyou girl.
Digressing to another issue. I just can't stay out of trouble. Or rather, trouble can't stay out of my range. Remember this - entry -?
An anonymous call from someone perverted. It has been too long since he last called. I clean forgot about it until 3 days ago, he called again. He sounded really like diver-Alvin yknow. In addition, that call was a private number and coincidently, Alvin was at Malaysia for his diving course. I mistaken that caller for him as their voices were sooo similar. The conversation started getting dirty and such. iwas a little suspicious but didn't say much. It was until alvin called me on the other line that i realised the truth. By then, that freaking pervert hang up and promised to call back on friday evening.
I chose to pick up his call the next day. Just wanted to find out his identity before slamming the phone on him. And you know what, he was DIY-ing while on the line with me. Telling me stuff like: "When i shower this morning, i can visualise you standing behind my back, showering me." That is so ewwww. Anyway, i only managed to get some redundant and useless infor outta' him. He lives at upper bukit timah. Working adult and he claimed that we had some intimacy with me and that is the ultimate bullshit! Iknow i could have just hung up or don't pick up his call. But iam curious about his identity can?
I convinced myself that it was some kind of a mistaken identity and hung up when he was still talking. As expected, he called me back twice. Freak! I didn't pick up though. And yknow what, he messaged me. I took a double-look at the identity of that pervert. Lemme' put it in this way. I got the biggest shock in my entire life. It was actually an ex-colleague of mine. I met him a year back. Yes, he did try to date me but i rejected. I mean, hello, you're only 10 years younger than my dad. You can be my father man! Whatever it is, iam so traumatised by the entire affair. Sickening. Alvin is so ready to slam his fists into his f**king face.
I met up with jun and fang last friday. As quoted by darling jun: "Everytime when i read stuff like girl attracting older guys, i will think of you." Duh, i think i can get along better with older guys. And in case you're wondering, Alvin is 28 this year. And i don't think that's old alright (: I tried to date guys close to my age but it just didn't work out. Too bad. Anyway, thanks Fang and Serene for being there when i needed you girls. I was so shaken on wed's night that i just have to sms you ladies at 1am.
iloveyoubabes <3
Sometimes, i simply can't understand how some people can forget the existance of their friends when they gotten attached. Yes, iwas guilty of these 4 years ago. But that one year of singlehood got me thinking about the close friends whom i neglected. Gotten me thinking on how they have all stood loyally by my side when iwas in trouble.
That's why in my current relationship with Alvin, friends became our priority in our lives too. Meet ups with Serene, Fang, Jun, Min and Mel (when she was still in SG) keeps me sane and really, all those bitching and girls' talks that we have alway brings me away from my hectic life in school. I believe that at times, moments away from him does the relationship good. And i think he shares the same sentiment as well. We can't possibly leeched on each other every day. That's crazy.
Iknow we are all reaching 21 and fast becoming adults. But really, with his strings of flings and such in the past, you ought to be more careful. As quoted by myself in an email: "To me, if you're gonna neglect your friends for a guy who seemed to be only interested in f**king you, then you're prolly the most screwed-up person in this world. But what can i say, love is blind." Yes, that was harsh but did you know the detriment that your fellow good friend suffer when you subtly threw her out of the room to sleep with your boy? That is so maddening.
Yes, iam angry. But iam so helpless as well that i cant do anything. you're so far away from me. And girl, iam particularly worried about you. Anyway, do call me when you can, yes? imissyou girl.
Digressing to another issue. I just can't stay out of trouble. Or rather, trouble can't stay out of my range. Remember this - entry -?
An anonymous call from someone perverted. It has been too long since he last called. I clean forgot about it until 3 days ago, he called again. He sounded really like diver-Alvin yknow. In addition, that call was a private number and coincidently, Alvin was at Malaysia for his diving course. I mistaken that caller for him as their voices were sooo similar. The conversation started getting dirty and such. iwas a little suspicious but didn't say much. It was until alvin called me on the other line that i realised the truth. By then, that freaking pervert hang up and promised to call back on friday evening.
I chose to pick up his call the next day. Just wanted to find out his identity before slamming the phone on him. And you know what, he was DIY-ing while on the line with me. Telling me stuff like: "When i shower this morning, i can visualise you standing behind my back, showering me." That is so ewwww. Anyway, i only managed to get some redundant and useless infor outta' him. He lives at upper bukit timah. Working adult and he claimed that we had some intimacy with me and that is the ultimate bullshit! Iknow i could have just hung up or don't pick up his call. But iam curious about his identity can?
I convinced myself that it was some kind of a mistaken identity and hung up when he was still talking. As expected, he called me back twice. Freak! I didn't pick up though. And yknow what, he messaged me. I took a double-look at the identity of that pervert. Lemme' put it in this way. I got the biggest shock in my entire life. It was actually an ex-colleague of mine. I met him a year back. Yes, he did try to date me but i rejected. I mean, hello, you're only 10 years younger than my dad. You can be my father man! Whatever it is, iam so traumatised by the entire affair. Sickening. Alvin is so ready to slam his fists into his f**king face.
I met up with jun and fang last friday. As quoted by darling jun: "Everytime when i read stuff like girl attracting older guys, i will think of you." Duh, i think i can get along better with older guys. And in case you're wondering, Alvin is 28 this year. And i don't think that's old alright (: I tried to date guys close to my age but it just didn't work out. Too bad. Anyway, thanks Fang and Serene for being there when i needed you girls. I was so shaken on wed's night that i just have to sms you ladies at 1am.
iloveyoubabes <3
|7:26 PM|
I was so close to be suffering from Dysthymia. I never knew that. Was constantly getting severe mood swings and such. Nearly paid a visit to Doctor Lee for depression pills. You know what saved me?
a 2-hour television program.
An extremely simple act that had saved me from slipping into depression. Days after that were much better. No longer do i feel the daily swings. Only once in a while. Today at IMH, i saw a quote from the front desk. "It is not a problem when you know that it is a problem. It is merely a challenge." Yes, life was a challenge to me for the past 10 months. Now, i hope iam able to find peace within myself.
I have actually experienced a couple of peaceful moments 2 weeks back. To me, this is self-fulfilment. Peaceful moments aint equivalent to nil problems. I had/still have problems during that 2 weeks. Just that iwas able to handle it much better than before.
In that period of time, i had my family, alvin and many friends worrying for me. Initially, i thought i had to fight this battle all by myself. But i was so wrong. All the concern. All the support. All the shoulders that i cried on. All the ears that have listened. All have done their utmost best to pull me back from slipping into depression. From that moment, i knew i wasnt alone. And iam really thankful for that.
Metup with serene baybeh on both thurs and fri. As usual, we had our usual crap and yes, that finger issue will be embedded in my mind for life. Whenever i think of it now, it never fails to bring a frown* to my face. You're right, it's ewwww and yucks! (:
The Floorskills' competition at Cineleisure yesterday was simply fabulous. Those break-dancers were really good. Especially the ones from Thailand, Japan and Aussie (i think) I swear Serene was drooling at the sight of that Aussie bboy when he took off his shirt. HAha. Charlie did a great job. But i doubt Kesh and him saw us cause it was freaking packed at Cine.
alvin may be leaving for diving assignments pretty soon. I donno when. Nobody knows when. yes, i was filled with emotions when he broke the news to me initially as the overseas assignments will last 2-3months. And in some extreme cases, i may not be able to contact him at all for the seabed has no reception. Whatever it is, iam taking things in my stride. It wont be easy though but everything is worth a try right? What iam putting across here is that some times, i did wish to switch roles with girls whose bfs are enlisting in army. Yes, there will always be complaints that their bfs dont spend enough time with them. Just remember, when you feel the urge to complain, think of me ya.
a 2-hour television program.
An extremely simple act that had saved me from slipping into depression. Days after that were much better. No longer do i feel the daily swings. Only once in a while. Today at IMH, i saw a quote from the front desk. "It is not a problem when you know that it is a problem. It is merely a challenge." Yes, life was a challenge to me for the past 10 months. Now, i hope iam able to find peace within myself.
I have actually experienced a couple of peaceful moments 2 weeks back. To me, this is self-fulfilment. Peaceful moments aint equivalent to nil problems. I had/still have problems during that 2 weeks. Just that iwas able to handle it much better than before.
In that period of time, i had my family, alvin and many friends worrying for me. Initially, i thought i had to fight this battle all by myself. But i was so wrong. All the concern. All the support. All the shoulders that i cried on. All the ears that have listened. All have done their utmost best to pull me back from slipping into depression. From that moment, i knew i wasnt alone. And iam really thankful for that.
Metup with serene baybeh on both thurs and fri. As usual, we had our usual crap and yes, that finger issue will be embedded in my mind for life. Whenever i think of it now, it never fails to bring a frown* to my face. You're right, it's ewwww and yucks! (:
The Floorskills' competition at Cineleisure yesterday was simply fabulous. Those break-dancers were really good. Especially the ones from Thailand, Japan and Aussie (i think) I swear Serene was drooling at the sight of that Aussie bboy when he took off his shirt. HAha. Charlie did a great job. But i doubt Kesh and him saw us cause it was freaking packed at Cine.
alvin may be leaving for diving assignments pretty soon. I donno when. Nobody knows when. yes, i was filled with emotions when he broke the news to me initially as the overseas assignments will last 2-3months. And in some extreme cases, i may not be able to contact him at all for the seabed has no reception. Whatever it is, iam taking things in my stride. It wont be easy though but everything is worth a try right? What iam putting across here is that some times, i did wish to switch roles with girls whose bfs are enlisting in army. Yes, there will always be complaints that their bfs dont spend enough time with them. Just remember, when you feel the urge to complain, think of me ya.
|9:30 PM|
A letter to Mr Ex from the past (Part 2)
Dear Mr Ex,
Thanks for being such a darling in leaving a mountain of phone debts for me to clear. You were practically begging me to continue the starhub contract for you last september. Oh, I am so so stupid. Why did i do that? I have no idea. ihave unknowningly became the legal target of Starhub due to your can't-be-bothered mentality of paying your bills.
just as i was recovering from my studies, your stuff cropped up again. Everyone in my family has been so drained out by you. Yes, at times, i felt extremely ashamed for not being able to solve my own problems with you. But your problems are the ultimate! Prolly it just aint within my capability to solve them.
After you had that new starhub contract, you literally *poof* without a trace. Your bills kept accumulating. And when i contact you about your unpaid bills, you gotten aggressive, telling me that you had paid. But when i had evidence of the unpaid bill, you started saying that you will settle it in a few days time. That day never came. Now, your bill has accumulated to a whooping $1000. That is no way i can settle that. Iam extremely amused that you have the money to travel to Japan and Thailand, but no money to settle your bill.
And the worse part of this entire saga is that you kept hiding yourself. Avoiding my calls. My smses. Why are you so afraid to settle this problem? Why is there an avoidance? Whatever happened to your gung-ho self in the past? You aren't bothered about this bill thingy is because the person who gets implicated is ME. Starhub has already sent their final reminder threatening legal actions. Thanks to you, iam in so much trouble now.
Because of solving this problem, my already-shaken family bond worsen. Dad seemed much more frustrated and agitated at the slightest mention of you. But he did casually mentioned that it is a blessings that iam not with you now. So whatever happened one year plus back is a miracle.
mel, remember the last gathering with the lasses? i met you at PS and he never showed up? Well, even with dad's presence this time, he didn't show up again. The bottom line is: he is a jerk. And i believe a helluva people who knew about this incident when it started last year, agrees with me.
i was still contemplating if i should blog about this initially. Did gave a deep thought into this before coming to the decision of blogging. Anyway, don't ever be a guarantor for your bfs/gfs or whatsoever. You have been warned. I have made a mistake and iam paying for it. This don't only cost me $1000, it also cost me my time, my family bond, my studies, my sleep. And i know dad will harp over this issue for the next few years. Good luck to me.
in conclusion, iam just so suay. ):
Written with much disgust,
Miss Maddie
PS: I won't sign off as Miss Cynical again. This aint a cynical entry. Neither am i cynical while blogging. As mentioned above, i blogged this entry with an extremely clear mind. Anyway Mr Ex, you're such a sickening tart.
Dear Mr Ex,
Thanks for being such a darling in leaving a mountain of phone debts for me to clear. You were practically begging me to continue the starhub contract for you last september. Oh, I am so so stupid. Why did i do that? I have no idea. ihave unknowningly became the legal target of Starhub due to your can't-be-bothered mentality of paying your bills.
just as i was recovering from my studies, your stuff cropped up again. Everyone in my family has been so drained out by you. Yes, at times, i felt extremely ashamed for not being able to solve my own problems with you. But your problems are the ultimate! Prolly it just aint within my capability to solve them.
After you had that new starhub contract, you literally *poof* without a trace. Your bills kept accumulating. And when i contact you about your unpaid bills, you gotten aggressive, telling me that you had paid. But when i had evidence of the unpaid bill, you started saying that you will settle it in a few days time. That day never came. Now, your bill has accumulated to a whooping $1000. That is no way i can settle that. Iam extremely amused that you have the money to travel to Japan and Thailand, but no money to settle your bill.
And the worse part of this entire saga is that you kept hiding yourself. Avoiding my calls. My smses. Why are you so afraid to settle this problem? Why is there an avoidance? Whatever happened to your gung-ho self in the past? You aren't bothered about this bill thingy is because the person who gets implicated is ME. Starhub has already sent their final reminder threatening legal actions. Thanks to you, iam in so much trouble now.
Because of solving this problem, my already-shaken family bond worsen. Dad seemed much more frustrated and agitated at the slightest mention of you. But he did casually mentioned that it is a blessings that iam not with you now. So whatever happened one year plus back is a miracle.
mel, remember the last gathering with the lasses? i met you at PS and he never showed up? Well, even with dad's presence this time, he didn't show up again. The bottom line is: he is a jerk. And i believe a helluva people who knew about this incident when it started last year, agrees with me.
i was still contemplating if i should blog about this initially. Did gave a deep thought into this before coming to the decision of blogging. Anyway, don't ever be a guarantor for your bfs/gfs or whatsoever. You have been warned. I have made a mistake and iam paying for it. This don't only cost me $1000, it also cost me my time, my family bond, my studies, my sleep. And i know dad will harp over this issue for the next few years. Good luck to me.
in conclusion, iam just so suay. ):
Written with much disgust,
Miss Maddie
PS: I won't sign off as Miss Cynical again. This aint a cynical entry. Neither am i cynical while blogging. As mentioned above, i blogged this entry with an extremely clear mind. Anyway Mr Ex, you're such a sickening tart.
|10:50 AM|
Sometimes, i just irked when people tells me to: 'chill out', 'why you putting so much pressure on yourself?', 'relax la! school is no big deal.' oh yeah, why don't you come Uni and experience one sem yourself? I make sure you eat your own words. Yes, i know school is supppose to be fun. But strangely, i ain't having fun. YET. And so are my 30 University friends on my phone list, with about 5 of them constantly reading my blog.
lemme tell you about our fun.
1) most of us come to school everyday, and i mean SUNDAYS too. (not bad, we get to experience camping in the new city campus.)
2) some stayed in school for almost 15hours. (school becomes our second home. We only head home to sleep before coming to school again.)
3) there was once where i left SMU in the wee hours of the morning. 4am. (good right, can go clubbing after that)
4) usually, schedules on our timetable are packed.
mon - presentation
tues - study for test
wed - presentation
thurs - test
fri - test
sat - project
sun - project
That's not all. There is project meetings almost everyday after presentation or test.
5) any rest day for us is either studying for test or revising / doing homework.
6) any rest day for me is working.
I aint complaining. really. This is uni. I expected the stress and workload to be much more. i just don't like hearing people, who aren't even experiencing the same situation as me, telling me to chill chill chill. Anyway, I have a couple of Uni friends who are constantly giving me support through my blog, sms etc. Iam just thankful of that.
Whatever it is, you don't experience my stress, don't come telling me that my stress is no big deal alright. Period.
well, alvin came over on monday night, bringing over a pot of red-bean soup for my family. It was really sweet of him. As i mentioned, i didn't tasted red bean soup. I tasted love. Think mom really adores him. score brownie points hur dearest? (: yes, we have been good so far. iam really grateful for all the times that we spent together. thank you love.
mel called me yesterday afternoon! i was soooo shocked. yes, a little updates here and there. I felt so relieved that she is fine at Aussie. Eileen is doing fine too. Donno about Cindy. Havent heard from her since. Hey babe, send me an email alright! (:
lemme tell you about our fun.
1) most of us come to school everyday, and i mean SUNDAYS too. (not bad, we get to experience camping in the new city campus.)
2) some stayed in school for almost 15hours. (school becomes our second home. We only head home to sleep before coming to school again.)
3) there was once where i left SMU in the wee hours of the morning. 4am. (good right, can go clubbing after that)
4) usually, schedules on our timetable are packed.
mon - presentation
tues - study for test
wed - presentation
thurs - test
fri - test
sat - project
sun - project
That's not all. There is project meetings almost everyday after presentation or test.
5) any rest day for us is either studying for test or revising / doing homework.
6) any rest day for me is working.
I aint complaining. really. This is uni. I expected the stress and workload to be much more. i just don't like hearing people, who aren't even experiencing the same situation as me, telling me to chill chill chill. Anyway, I have a couple of Uni friends who are constantly giving me support through my blog, sms etc. Iam just thankful of that.
Whatever it is, you don't experience my stress, don't come telling me that my stress is no big deal alright. Period.
well, alvin came over on monday night, bringing over a pot of red-bean soup for my family. It was really sweet of him. As i mentioned, i didn't tasted red bean soup. I tasted love. Think mom really adores him. score brownie points hur dearest? (: yes, we have been good so far. iam really grateful for all the times that we spent together. thank you love.
mel called me yesterday afternoon! i was soooo shocked. yes, a little updates here and there. I felt so relieved that she is fine at Aussie. Eileen is doing fine too. Donno about Cindy. Havent heard from her since. Hey babe, send me an email alright! (:
|10:32 AM|
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iam so tired. nuff said. ):
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iam so tired. nuff said. ):
|7:09 PM|