Where is my ice cream?
As requested by Jun, i've updated my bloggy. If you have reading my entries faithfully, you should know the meaning of my title. Hah.
I am tired. Dead tired from the SAP FKom event. And guess what, i am wearing my knee guard to work. It looks damm ugly but what choice do i have? It's either vanity or getting well asap. I chose the latter of course. Oh boy, it's gonna be a long while before my injury heals. Ankle guard. Knee guard. In no time, i'ii be "mummified" man!
Serene dear, this is the part from your entry that i copied. =)
( refers to similar traits that I have. )
:: the father
not too fair, not too tanned. - (no..dad is tanned..i m fair)
Overprotective.*************** - Yes
Possessive. - Nah
Eccentric. - *************Of course!
Dual personality. - ************ Yes..we are eccentric remember.
Has his quiet and loud moods. - ************ Yeapo
Sarcastic. - ************ At times, yes...
Loves to preach abt buddhism. eh...he is a buddhist..im a free thinker..maybe more towards catholic.
Loves to suan people. - Ya. We love to suan EACH OTHER.
Hard worker. hard and smart..**************yesh
Efficient manager.( of his printing firm )**************** Dad was a director..i believe i will be a good manager in future.
Loves taking charge. ********** Yesh..we both love it. Leadership runs in our blood.
Flares and regrets. *********** Yeapo...we re guilty of it.
His loud laughter is really HORRID. (No..we laugh pretty nicely k!!)
Hates bones in foods. (we don;t hate la.)
:: the boyfriend (single now but gonna use Alvin as an eg.)
very tanned skin. (He is quite tanned and don't ask the obvious from me.)
blur. (nopee..he was the alert one in the r;ship.)
asks questions like:"why got pimple on your face?" (nah..we don't do that)"
why she do her hair until like that?" ********** (yesh..we love laughing at other peeps)"
where got mosquitoes bite on the face wan?"(nah..he don't ask..me too)
very lazy. (he is..i m not! Haha. Procrastination is his FORTE k.)
very messy. (he is..i m not)
slacker, basically. (he is..i am not..i am repeating this 3 times!)
latecomer. (nah..)
joker. (he was the joker..I was the serious one.)
possessive. (we are both NOT)
romantic. ******************** (yesh..we both are)
errs then keep apologising. (He doesn't repeat his mistake. I always do.)
avid liverpool fan. (We are not soccer fans by the way.)
Eats and drinks practically everything. (He was the 'Vacuum cleaner', i was the one who could'nt finish my food.)
His laughter is horrid (pretty high pitch laughter tho. i don't have. =p)
Yesh Mum, i know whatcha' thinkin'. Like father like daughter.
As for Alvin, we are kinda different but hey, opposite attracts right. HaHa. Nah. That was in the past.
Ok, nuff said. I am gonna get knocked out. @_@
I am tired. Dead tired from the SAP FKom event. And guess what, i am wearing my knee guard to work. It looks damm ugly but what choice do i have? It's either vanity or getting well asap. I chose the latter of course. Oh boy, it's gonna be a long while before my injury heals. Ankle guard. Knee guard. In no time, i'ii be "mummified" man!
Serene dear, this is the part from your entry that i copied. =)
( refers to similar traits that I have. )
:: the father
not too fair, not too tanned. - (no..dad is tanned..i m fair)
Overprotective.*************** - Yes
Possessive. - Nah
Eccentric. - *************Of course!
Dual personality. - ************ Yes..we are eccentric remember.
Has his quiet and loud moods. - ************ Yeapo
Sarcastic. - ************ At times, yes...
Loves to preach abt buddhism. eh...he is a buddhist..im a free thinker..maybe more towards catholic.
Loves to suan people. - Ya. We love to suan EACH OTHER.
Hard worker. hard and smart..**************yesh
Efficient manager.( of his printing firm )**************** Dad was a director..i believe i will be a good manager in future.
Loves taking charge. ********** Yesh..we both love it. Leadership runs in our blood.
Flares and regrets. *********** Yeapo...we re guilty of it.
His loud laughter is really HORRID. (No..we laugh pretty nicely k!!)
Hates bones in foods. (we don;t hate la.)
:: the boyfriend (single now but gonna use Alvin as an eg.)
very tanned skin. (He is quite tanned and don't ask the obvious from me.)
blur. (nopee..he was the alert one in the r;ship.)
asks questions like:"why got pimple on your face?" (nah..we don't do that)"
why she do her hair until like that?" ********** (yesh..we love laughing at other peeps)"
where got mosquitoes bite on the face wan?"(nah..he don't ask..me too)
very lazy. (he is..i m not! Haha. Procrastination is his FORTE k.)
very messy. (he is..i m not)
slacker, basically. (he is..i am not..i am repeating this 3 times!)
latecomer. (nah..)
joker. (he was the joker..I was the serious one.)
possessive. (we are both NOT)
romantic. ******************** (yesh..we both are)
errs then keep apologising. (He doesn't repeat his mistake. I always do.)
avid liverpool fan. (We are not soccer fans by the way.)
Eats and drinks practically everything. (He was the 'Vacuum cleaner', i was the one who could'nt finish my food.)
His laughter is horrid (pretty high pitch laughter tho. i don't have. =p)
Yesh Mum, i know whatcha' thinkin'. Like father like daughter.
As for Alvin, we are kinda different but hey, opposite attracts right. HaHa. Nah. That was in the past.
Ok, nuff said. I am gonna get knocked out. @_@
|11:21 PM|
I feel so lazy. NuA
I feel so lazy. NuA-ing man!
Procrastination becomes my forte suddenly. Whatever happened to the hardworking me?Damm. I just cant focus on my codings. And as you know, coding aint that easy. I nearly died learning ASP. And now, JSP. Ya, i gotta die twice. Oh damm, what's with all these 'dying' words? I am feeling, somewhat, weird now. I hate it when i cant expressed myself, my feelings. You know what, i feel like biting someone now.
Okay, this sounds like cannibalism. But nah. I am not eaing human. Got quite a pack schedule ahead. SAP has a major event next week. And i have to help out in the coordination. Sounds interesting laaaaa. Interim report to be due on 6th Feb. I've to start early and no, i am NOT being kiasu here. Apparently, a gentleman has approached me for help to draw his UML diagrams, both Interim and Final reports respectively. Mr Goh Cher Wee, you owe me one. No, two actually. But if you fail your UML, we are quits cause i would have failed mine too.
Thanks to Wenjie for sending me the Jay-z and Linkin Park songs. You see, it's good to have friends who share the same interest as you. Yes, LINkIN PARK rox! =)
Just a lil' continuation from my previous entry. Eileen, you should know me well enough that i would never ever reveal my feelings to the person that i like. Does JL and DA ring a bell? I remembered Jess drawing comics of them. It suppose to be a bitter-like feeling but the way Jess drew was so damm funny. I still keep the comics btw. =)
Procrastination becomes my forte suddenly. Whatever happened to the hardworking me?Damm. I just cant focus on my codings. And as you know, coding aint that easy. I nearly died learning ASP. And now, JSP. Ya, i gotta die twice. Oh damm, what's with all these 'dying' words? I am feeling, somewhat, weird now. I hate it when i cant expressed myself, my feelings. You know what, i feel like biting someone now.
Okay, this sounds like cannibalism. But nah. I am not eaing human. Got quite a pack schedule ahead. SAP has a major event next week. And i have to help out in the coordination. Sounds interesting laaaaa. Interim report to be due on 6th Feb. I've to start early and no, i am NOT being kiasu here. Apparently, a gentleman has approached me for help to draw his UML diagrams, both Interim and Final reports respectively. Mr Goh Cher Wee, you owe me one. No, two actually. But if you fail your UML, we are quits cause i would have failed mine too.
Thanks to Wenjie for sending me the Jay-z and Linkin Park songs. You see, it's good to have friends who share the same interest as you. Yes, LINkIN PARK rox! =)
Just a lil' continuation from my previous entry. Eileen, you should know me well enough that i would never ever reveal my feelings to the person that i like. Does JL and DA ring a bell? I remembered Jess drawing comics of them. It suppose to be a bitter-like feeling but the way Jess drew was so damm funny. I still keep the comics btw. =)
::
::
A brief summary of my 'Infatuation' history. Peeps, i came from IJ-girl schools ya. So expect the EXPECTED. Ever since i grad' from STC, so many peeps have been asking me the same question. Yes. My answer to the question on peep's minds. I WAS a crooked in the past. It aint my fault k? It was the environment and peer pressure. The super pathetic guys network that i had contributed too. 'Once a lesbian, always a lesbian'. This is a very huge misconception that some peeps have. Yes, i used to belong to these groups of outcasts in the society. But now, Madamoiselle here is a 'straight' person as i learn to appreciate the existance of guys. Ya, some guys may be jerks but there are still others who are really nice to me. Namely Wei Xin, Bingyu, Marcus, Cher Wee, Wenjie, Ernie, Tse Wei and of course, Alvin. My Alvin btw.
Here is this fact to prove that i am not a girl who goes into a relationship for the sake of fun. I was infatuated with DA for 4 years, and JL for 2 years, NOT concurrently. I am not a flirt. After that, I gave up and became a 'boy-boy'(active), a stage before the 'Butch' transformation. And HJ, i don't walk like KING KONG k? >,<
Well, 4 years after leaving my 'les' life, i am STILL straight. So has many of my 'crooked' friends. I am not ashamed to say that i was a les cause ultimately, i had led a more interesting life than my fellow counterparts. I've seen more. =) I guess girls from all-girl schools tend to be more affectionate. Meaning we don't shake hands, we hug. We would even go to the extend of kissing a girl. Speaking of that, haha, Wen dear, i still remembered 'kissing' you accidentally at Double-o i think. I sweared that it was really an accident. =x
Adventurous. That's what we would be. When i am in one of my crazy moods, anything is achievable to me. "Miss Wendy" is one example.
Okay okay. I've revealed enough of my past. Nuff said.
|2:59 PM|
Boys. Who can understand them.
Boys. Who can understand them.
I just have a habit of blogging essays. Pardon me and no, i am not gonna be a writer in future. Met an acquaintance whom i didn't see for a pretty long time. Notice that i don't even say friend. Read on to know why.
Gal: Hey hey Madeline, how are youuuuuuuuuu? Heard you broke up with your bf ya? You are soooo poor thing. Tsk tsk. (She whines alot btw.)
Maddie: Oh ya. News spread fast hur. (Don't smirk. Your a spinster too kayz!)
Gal: Haha. Want me to intro guys to you? Or else you'ii spend V-day alone leh.
Maddie: Nah. It's alrite. Keep the guys for yourself. You would need them more than me. (Go to hell. With your taste, i'ii prolly get introduced to some freaks. Sabotager!)
Just a little event that happended just now. Bah!
Boys. Sometimes, it is just so hard to understand them. You think gals are eccentric and gossipers? Hell no. Guys too kayz. I do have examples to prove my stand but nah, i shalln't name them for obvious reasons. Just one clue, everyone from my poly network would know them.
My gf was just confiding in me yesterday about the guy that she is infatuated with currently. Yeapo, same old situation.
:: She likes him :: Unsure of whether he likes her :: He does many things for her :: Some pretty special actions and some purely platonic ::
Nono peeps, don't give your verdict yet based on the thing that "knight-in-shining-armour" has done. I must say, he is a pretty 'deep' person. Seriously, my intuition just don't work on him. Sorry gal. But guys, what's with all these platonic stuff when you seriously like the girl? Afraid of rejection? Or are you just playing with peeps' feelings?
*
*
*
An analysis of 2 types of guys. (PS: There are more types of course. I am just gonna analyse 2)
1) The Enthusiastic / Earnest / Gung Ho / Impatient type aka Type 1
Guys under this category tends to get into a really quick relationship with the gal that he is infatuated with. The love is hot, intense BUT fast. Examples of guys that fall into these category: The clubbers; The NS guys (No offence there); The desperadooos.
2) The Slow-and-Steady aka Type 2
These guys move like tortises!! They would treat you as a friend initially but are constantly there when you need them. Also, they would give you gifts at times. Here is their strategy, read hard.Guys would play this game with you. They would contact you very often at first. And then, they won't contact you for a period until you make the first move. Oh boy, i don't know how accurate this is but sounds logical tho. They would take their time to get to know you better and then, *Poo!* They asked for a relationship with you. Mr Slow-and-Steady (if you're the one), kindly don't let your gal wait too long ya, cause liking and infatuation WILL sizzle out. By then, you WOULD be the one that is being left on the shelf. Hah.
The above are just MY analysis. Up to ya to believe. Ultimately, most gals would like Type 1 guys cause the infatuation is intense and strong. Afterall, we are only 20. Serious relationships are just not many gals cuppa' tea. Fortunately for me, the guys that i have crushes on don't feel the same about me and vice-versa. So i am actually spared from going into all these 'Quickie Relationships'. So for now, I am still waiting for my Mr Happiness to appear. =)
I just have a habit of blogging essays. Pardon me and no, i am not gonna be a writer in future. Met an acquaintance whom i didn't see for a pretty long time. Notice that i don't even say friend. Read on to know why.
Gal: Hey hey Madeline, how are youuuuuuuuuu? Heard you broke up with your bf ya? You are soooo poor thing. Tsk tsk. (She whines alot btw.)
Maddie: Oh ya. News spread fast hur. (Don't smirk. Your a spinster too kayz!)
Gal: Haha. Want me to intro guys to you? Or else you'ii spend V-day alone leh.
Maddie: Nah. It's alrite. Keep the guys for yourself. You would need them more than me. (Go to hell. With your taste, i'ii prolly get introduced to some freaks. Sabotager!)
Just a little event that happended just now. Bah!
Boys. Sometimes, it is just so hard to understand them. You think gals are eccentric and gossipers? Hell no. Guys too kayz. I do have examples to prove my stand but nah, i shalln't name them for obvious reasons. Just one clue, everyone from my poly network would know them.
My gf was just confiding in me yesterday about the guy that she is infatuated with currently. Yeapo, same old situation.
:: She likes him :: Unsure of whether he likes her :: He does many things for her :: Some pretty special actions and some purely platonic ::
Nono peeps, don't give your verdict yet based on the thing that "knight-in-shining-armour" has done. I must say, he is a pretty 'deep' person. Seriously, my intuition just don't work on him. Sorry gal. But guys, what's with all these platonic stuff when you seriously like the girl? Afraid of rejection? Or are you just playing with peeps' feelings?
*
*
*
An analysis of 2 types of guys. (PS: There are more types of course. I am just gonna analyse 2)
1) The Enthusiastic / Earnest / Gung Ho / Impatient type aka Type 1
Guys under this category tends to get into a really quick relationship with the gal that he is infatuated with. The love is hot, intense BUT fast. Examples of guys that fall into these category: The clubbers; The NS guys (No offence there); The desperadooos.
2) The Slow-and-Steady aka Type 2
These guys move like tortises!! They would treat you as a friend initially but are constantly there when you need them. Also, they would give you gifts at times. Here is their strategy, read hard.Guys would play this game with you. They would contact you very often at first. And then, they won't contact you for a period until you make the first move. Oh boy, i don't know how accurate this is but sounds logical tho. They would take their time to get to know you better and then, *Poo!* They asked for a relationship with you. Mr Slow-and-Steady (if you're the one), kindly don't let your gal wait too long ya, cause liking and infatuation WILL sizzle out. By then, you WOULD be the one that is being left on the shelf. Hah.
The above are just MY analysis. Up to ya to believe. Ultimately, most gals would like Type 1 guys cause the infatuation is intense and strong. Afterall, we are only 20. Serious relationships are just not many gals cuppa' tea. Fortunately for me, the guys that i have crushes on don't feel the same about me and vice-versa. So i am actually spared from going into all these 'Quickie Relationships'. So for now, I am still waiting for my Mr Happiness to appear. =)
|8:50 AM|
Friendship (Part 2)
Friendship (Part 2)
Taggy, i've warn you before of downtimes. No more warnings. I am changing you to chatterbox. Buzz off ya. You have provided me with the ultimate 'BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE'. I am a dissatisfied customer. Humpf! Buai!
Nah. As usual, i am eccentric. Back to serious stuff. Everyone seems to be writing about friendships. Just read Fang's entry and re-read Eileen's one. Even Mel has change her msn nick to : 'Friends or Partner?' Is it really me or what? I seriously don't know. I don't want to know too. In whichever groups of good pals that i am in, I am always the 'disciplinarian'. Dirty job? No. Tough job? Godamm it YES. At any point of time that anyone is unhappy with each other in the group, i am always the one to voice out. Sort of a representative.
Yes, i am at risks of offending that party whom i voiced out to. But shouldn't all good friends do that? Visualize these 2 scenarios:
(Scenario 1)
Gal attitude is bad.
Good friends just keep mum and let the gal commit further mistakes.
Good friends slowly distance themselves from her.
Wa la. Gal lost all good friends and leaves her pondering on what really happen.
(Scenario 2)
Gal attitude is bad.
Good friends tells her the problem
Yes, things gotten unpleasant. Gal can try to change or sulk and be angry at her gfs.
If gal change, good friends still stay and gal becomes a better person to the society.
If gal choose the former and sulk, good luck to ya.
I belong to the Scenario 2 category. I don't attempt to hide my feelings and will voice out when necessary. If friends can't take it, then it's just too bad cause i am just being ME. I did hide my displease to a certain damsel in Year 1 and guess what, i started turning myself against her. Yes, good friends should stay true and accept you for who you are. But think about it, if everyone finds that your certain character needs to be changed, would you change? I would. Cause i know that my gfs have made an attempt to change me to become a better person. And most importantly,they have good intentions.
The role of a 'disciplinarian' SUCKS big time. Really. I hate it when i've to tell peeps their bad attitute and stuff stuff. But i'ii still continue to do it cause i love my friends. Maybe from these, i would ultimately know who my true friends are. And yes, the gal on the top of my list would be Mel cause this poor gal here has been through countless scoldings from me. As for Eileen, i've never scolded her before. But she still made it to the list cause ultimately, she had witnessed all these. Both gals are still standing by me after all these years, 9 years and 5 years respectively. i thank god for the precious gifts given to me. Gals, i love you both very dearly.
As for poly friends like Fang, Min, Jun and Wen, we are together for about 2-3 years. And I am glad all of us are still hanging on. But i certainly hope our friendships can withstand all sorts of storms that come our way. All of you came at different times and made an impact in my life. Nothing can replace you all. Nothing at all.
|4:05 PM|
2005 - Full of deaths and funerals. What's this?
2005 - Full of deaths and funerals. What's this?
4 Funerals;
My sis's boss mother-in-law, my sis's good friend's father, my sis's gf's grandma and dad's pal, Uncle Alan. Yes, Uncle Alan has passed away this morning. Dad was quiet throughout the day. As what someone has mentioned, 'Best buds are always hard to let go'. I agreed totally. Well, life moves on and dad knows that. Guess it would be good to just leave him alone for a moment.
4 Funerals;
My sis's boss mother-in-law, my sis's good friend's father, my sis's gf's grandma and dad's pal, Uncle Alan. Yes, Uncle Alan has passed away this morning. Dad was quiet throughout the day. As what someone has mentioned, 'Best buds are always hard to let go'. I agreed totally. Well, life moves on and dad knows that. Guess it would be good to just leave him alone for a moment.
I am actually worried about sis. She has so many funerals to handle. Yes, it may be none of her business. But sis is compassionate, like me. I had an encounter today regarding issues about compassion. It got me pondering if the peeps around me has changed in their character. If they had, i am disappointed + pissed. Life is unpredictable. Anyone can just died at this very moment. I am not cursing anyone here tho. Be realistic. Be compassionate. These people may not be related to me but i still feel sad. Ultimately, I am not heartless.
So well, is Year 2005 really giving my family a good start? I really wonder.
Double-o pics anyone? Due to Wen's request of putting the nicer pics, i've decided to upload 2. Yesh, just 2. Vonnie, I know you close your eyes in one of the pic, don't kill me. Kill WEN ya?
Double-o pics anyone? Due to Wen's request of putting the nicer pics, i've decided to upload 2. Yesh, just 2. Vonnie, I know you close your eyes in one of the pic, don't kill me. Kill WEN ya?
|11:24 PM|
Double-O
Double-O
Vonnie and i declared ourselves as "The Survivors" of yesterday's clubbing session. I seriously think the 'Bak Ku Teh' that we ate re-energised me. It was pretty packed and boy, it was damm hot. Hot = Sweating. Wen caught nil fishes yesterday. Surprising man. That goes to show the quality of guys at dbl-o. One word: Sucks. It doesn't matter to me anyway. Dancing and drinking would be my main priorities. Initially, i was doing some 'dead-dancing'. Wen, don't blame me for that k? Haha. I suffered an injury on my left-shoulder and leg. Sprained it during dance on wed.
And of course, clubbing sessions wouldn't be completed without lechers lurking around. The usual thing:
The whole group of guys surrounded us. (Don't they know that oxygen is already very limited, all of them have obviously failed their science!)
Then one of them started dancing beside the gal he fancy. In this case, Wen.
Get to know the gal's name and ask to be friend. (Tacky pick-up lines.)
Lastly, ask for number and then Rejection.(Come on, don't ask for number unless you are Brad Pitt k? Nah. Maybe not even Brad Pitt can get it.)
It's always this cycle and ending. Rejection. But no matter what, guys STILL does it. Weird bunch of desperate freaks! Go get a life, dudes! And kindly do something about your skills in picking gals up. Your pick up lines were bad. Well, hip hop music played at 2am this morning got me in the mood for dancing. And i am seriously considering dressing down and casual for clubbing trips in future. I cant dance my hip hop steps in my, as quoted by Vonnie, 'Victoria-Secrets' top. It does look like a lingerie by the way.
Well, nothing bad happened. I was protecting my butt for the entire night. Don't want the history to repeat cause i would certainly send the next guy flying to Mars. Oh ya, saw Mark Zee, yucks. Sorry Mark Zee fans, he just doesn't impress me with that ABC slang, his fabulous body, good looks, bla bla bla. yawn. We should have video-tape him hugging that gal and sent it to the BA Management. Then, he can kiss his BA lecturer job goodbye. Damm.
|8:05 PM|
Dad
Dad
I am gonna dedicate this entry to the most important man in my life, Daddy.
Sometimes i think life is really unfair. Why must god take everything from my dad?
His career; grandma; eyes; peaceful life; and most recently, his best friend. Mum just told me about dad's pal being diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. He has only 6 more months to live and yes, dad is devastated.
In daddy's life, he has only 2 good friends. That's why he always tells me "People need not have so many good friends, one or two is sufficient." And God is taking 1 of his good friend away in time to come. Dad has never live a good life. He was given away to my foster grandparents. Grandpa never treated him well at all. Dad fell victim to the act of his favourism. All good things naturally goes to my aunties and uncle. But never to dad. When grandpa's company flourished (dad was the major contributor btw), the credit goes to everyone. When the company was in bad shape, dad was the first to be blamed. Unfair treatment issit it? I personally think that living with my late grandpa was hell. However, i don't bear any grudges against him.
When dad was diagnosed with sicknesses as well as mascular scar 10 years ago, boy, you should have seen the number of people that shunned us. Yes, it was the beginning of dad's downfall. Imagine being reduced from a company's director to a homemaker suddenly. The sudden loss of income. And mum having to shoulder the responsibility of being the breadwinner of the family. Life was bad. Sometimes so bad till i can't bear to spent my $ for recess. And i remembered Eileen sharing her mum's homecook food with me. This gal here has a big heart. I wont forget that.
People despised my family. Sis and i fared badly in school. Dad no job. Mum struggling to hang on. Some peeps may think that it's a loss of face or embarrassed to borrow money. But I am NOT ashamed to blog this down. My family did went around borrowing money to survive, especially my dad. Because of this, everyone avoided us. At family functions, we were being isolated to one corner. What's with all these despise? I still remembered this conversation between dad and my aunty at a family reunion. My aunt was happily chatting with my other 'well-to-do' relatives. When my dad just happened to talk to her, she muttered a short reply, gave a disgusted look and turned away.
I witnessed all these right before my eyes. Dad didn't do anything. He just smile and kept quiet. That broke my heart. Dad DON'T deserve such treatment. I never spoke to her ever since. It's pointless and personally, i think it's disgusting to know that someone still behaves this way. Dearest Aunty, kindly reflect on your actions ya. Your attitude really sucks big time!
Dad grew up with his 2 pals, Alan and Jeffrey. 2005 would mark their 40 years of friendship. As what friends would always say to each other, "Let's walk down the journey of life together and by then, we will be like little old men and women enjoying our final part of life." Yes, I know that dad would be with Uncle Alan in his last walk of life. It will be a loss. A great loss. Due to cash flow problems, Dad always cooped himself up at home. There were some occasional male-bonding sessions with Alan and Jeffrey. But now, God just have to take away this little activity that he has. I blame no one cause ultimately, everything happens for a reason.
Dad is strong and i'ii be strong for him. At my age of 20, i felt that i've been through alot and of course, more to come. I tasted poverty. That's why i mentioned that some people just don't know what's it like to be poor. Yes, we fell. But we picked ourselves up and learnt invaluable lessons. People perceived me as a mature young lady. But who don't wanna be a kid? I've been forced to grow up and take responsiblity for my family. This is my life. But i just hope that God would be more merciful towards dad and let him enjoy the remaining half of his life. If anything bad were to happen to him, please let it befall on me.
I guess, as his daughter, this is the least i could do.
I am gonna dedicate this entry to the most important man in my life, Daddy.
Sometimes i think life is really unfair. Why must god take everything from my dad?
His career; grandma; eyes; peaceful life; and most recently, his best friend. Mum just told me about dad's pal being diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday. He has only 6 more months to live and yes, dad is devastated.
In daddy's life, he has only 2 good friends. That's why he always tells me "People need not have so many good friends, one or two is sufficient." And God is taking 1 of his good friend away in time to come. Dad has never live a good life. He was given away to my foster grandparents. Grandpa never treated him well at all. Dad fell victim to the act of his favourism. All good things naturally goes to my aunties and uncle. But never to dad. When grandpa's company flourished (dad was the major contributor btw), the credit goes to everyone. When the company was in bad shape, dad was the first to be blamed. Unfair treatment issit it? I personally think that living with my late grandpa was hell. However, i don't bear any grudges against him.
When dad was diagnosed with sicknesses as well as mascular scar 10 years ago, boy, you should have seen the number of people that shunned us. Yes, it was the beginning of dad's downfall. Imagine being reduced from a company's director to a homemaker suddenly. The sudden loss of income. And mum having to shoulder the responsibility of being the breadwinner of the family. Life was bad. Sometimes so bad till i can't bear to spent my $ for recess. And i remembered Eileen sharing her mum's homecook food with me. This gal here has a big heart. I wont forget that.
People despised my family. Sis and i fared badly in school. Dad no job. Mum struggling to hang on. Some peeps may think that it's a loss of face or embarrassed to borrow money. But I am NOT ashamed to blog this down. My family did went around borrowing money to survive, especially my dad. Because of this, everyone avoided us. At family functions, we were being isolated to one corner. What's with all these despise? I still remembered this conversation between dad and my aunty at a family reunion. My aunt was happily chatting with my other 'well-to-do' relatives. When my dad just happened to talk to her, she muttered a short reply, gave a disgusted look and turned away.
I witnessed all these right before my eyes. Dad didn't do anything. He just smile and kept quiet. That broke my heart. Dad DON'T deserve such treatment. I never spoke to her ever since. It's pointless and personally, i think it's disgusting to know that someone still behaves this way. Dearest Aunty, kindly reflect on your actions ya. Your attitude really sucks big time!
Dad grew up with his 2 pals, Alan and Jeffrey. 2005 would mark their 40 years of friendship. As what friends would always say to each other, "Let's walk down the journey of life together and by then, we will be like little old men and women enjoying our final part of life." Yes, I know that dad would be with Uncle Alan in his last walk of life. It will be a loss. A great loss. Due to cash flow problems, Dad always cooped himself up at home. There were some occasional male-bonding sessions with Alan and Jeffrey. But now, God just have to take away this little activity that he has. I blame no one cause ultimately, everything happens for a reason.
Dad is strong and i'ii be strong for him. At my age of 20, i felt that i've been through alot and of course, more to come. I tasted poverty. That's why i mentioned that some people just don't know what's it like to be poor. Yes, we fell. But we picked ourselves up and learnt invaluable lessons. People perceived me as a mature young lady. But who don't wanna be a kid? I've been forced to grow up and take responsiblity for my family. This is my life. But i just hope that God would be more merciful towards dad and let him enjoy the remaining half of his life. If anything bad were to happen to him, please let it befall on me.
I guess, as his daughter, this is the least i could do.
|10:32 AM|
Reminisces
Reminisces
I dreamt of you last night. You were attached to my best friend.
My heart was bleeding. But i still wish you well.
I have never hope for anything, just a friendship maybe.
But some things that you did, i don't know how to forgive you for that.
You may not want me to know your doings. Ultimately, i still did.
I am disappointed. That's what i am.
Of all the people, why must it be you?
I can't accept it. If given a chance, i will clarify.
Someday perhapes.
I don't want to lose this friendship so may we work things out.
The above is NOT a poem. It doesn't even rhymes. It's just a Feeling. A Thought. A Perception. Well well, despite not going to Indonesia, i still gotten 'drowned'. Culprit? ASP codes. Those killer codes. And if anyone were to ask my 'favourite' book at the moment, it would be "Professional ASP.NET 1.0". Yes, I carries it around like a bible. Argh!
Feeling nostalgic suddenly. No, i am not homesick. I am SCHOOL-Sick. Miss school really much. And i felt soo happy when i saw everyone @Funan last week.
I guess my display pic on msn brought back memories. Good and bad. Yes, proudly present to ya, Team @ aka Real Madrid. (I didn't come up with the Real Madrid nick, WX did) I remembered vivdly getting into a heated arguement with CW that time. If i could anticipate that conflict, i would have use that slipper to slap his face in the pic! Sorry CW, but you really pissed me greatly that time. And i believe you felt the same too. Should have taken my revenge when you were drunked @Zouk. Hah. But nope. I am not revengeful. Peace out. No doubt he can be a jerk @ times, Cher Wee is still one of my favourite guys in T08. He is full of crap and poo. =)
Reminisces. I just read back the smses sent by "Ms Wendy". Remembered the times that all of us had so much fun clubbing. The period was short but sweet. And yes, memories may be sweet but not always. Some things that you had done made me wanna 'erase' you permanently from my memory. No doubt it's minor but it do hurt. Shalln't harp on it cause i'ii start babbling. Whatever it is, "Ms Wendy", you are history. I am looking forward.
Saw a lady on the train today. She made me laughed. But i didn't laugh aloud, just in my heart. In case you are wondering who i am laughing at, here is the cartoon pic of the lady:
Yes, she looks like a poodle to me. Hahahahahaha. Ok fine, i am mean.
|4:12 PM|
Monday blues.."_"
Monday blues.."_"
We were happy for a moment, chatting and joking.
One of us said something.
The other one retorted.
BOO! World War 3.
Yes. The 'war' between dad and I. As i grows up and leave my teens, I realised that i just cannot get along with dad. "Like father like daughter"---That is what mum have always thought. I am just an exact 'photocopy' of my dad. Duplicated version. Thus, lesson #1: It ain't good to have 2 peeps of the same character and attitude living under the same roof.
That aside. On a lighter note, i chance upon this magazine and the sub-title interest me greatly. Nope, it's NOT "How to improve your SEX life" or "Different SEX positions for a better orgasm!". It's just a plain
"How to celebrate Valentine's Day................alone."
Bah. I guess it would be a Bacholerettes' Night out. My first after 2 years of spending V-day with Alvin. Eh, Mr V-Day aint schedule on a very good day man! 14 Feb falls on a Monday. What the... Well, guess who would be earning big bucks on this day? Yes, the florist. Flowers flowers flowers. Every girl would be having them, with the exception of me. To put it simply, i just dislike flowers. Let's visualize ya.
Girl receive flowers. (Happy happy)
Girl dry flowers into porpourri. (Keeping it for memories)
Girl find container to place porpourri.
Insects start living and dying in these porpourri. (Mass breeding ground and graveyard)
EeYucks. Girl throws porpourri away.
The End.
That's why Alvin has never ever gave me flowers in our 32 months together. Not even a stalk.
I don't mind "Chocolate Flowers". At least still can eat them tho. Ya, I am a pig. That's me!
It is a cycle. A meaningless cycle. The practical me would prefer a quiet and romantic dinner by the river or seaside. Hear the swaying of the waves. Experiencing the breeze and nice weather that God WOULD give on V-day. The dim candlelight. Romantic ambience. Red wine. Classical music. Opening the gift that you have gave me (minus the flowers tho!). Giggles. Elated. Ecstatic. Me looking into your eyes and you looking at mine anddddddddddddddd................. *Poof*
It's back to reality. That ain't gonna happen but it's alright, i still have my baybeh Coreen. Sorry min, don't mean to mention your name everytime. But, you are just as single as i am. Haha. Hey, singles just love company kay!!
We were happy for a moment, chatting and joking.
One of us said something.
The other one retorted.
BOO! World War 3.
Yes. The 'war' between dad and I. As i grows up and leave my teens, I realised that i just cannot get along with dad. "Like father like daughter"---That is what mum have always thought. I am just an exact 'photocopy' of my dad. Duplicated version. Thus, lesson #1: It ain't good to have 2 peeps of the same character and attitude living under the same roof.
That aside. On a lighter note, i chance upon this magazine and the sub-title interest me greatly. Nope, it's NOT "How to improve your SEX life" or "Different SEX positions for a better orgasm!". It's just a plain
"How to celebrate Valentine's Day................alone."
Bah. I guess it would be a Bacholerettes' Night out. My first after 2 years of spending V-day with Alvin. Eh, Mr V-Day aint schedule on a very good day man! 14 Feb falls on a Monday. What the... Well, guess who would be earning big bucks on this day? Yes, the florist. Flowers flowers flowers. Every girl would be having them, with the exception of me. To put it simply, i just dislike flowers. Let's visualize ya.
Girl receive flowers.
Girl dry flowers into porpourri.
Girl find container to place porpourri.
Insects start living and dying in these porpourri. (Mass breeding ground and graveyard)
EeYucks. Girl throws porpourri away.
The End.
That's why Alvin has never ever gave me flowers in our 32 months together. Not even a stalk.
I don't mind "Chocolate Flowers". At least still can eat them tho. Ya, I am a pig. That's me!
It is a cycle. A meaningless cycle. The practical me would prefer a quiet and romantic dinner by the river or seaside. Hear the swaying of the waves. Experiencing the breeze and nice weather that God WOULD give on V-day. The dim candlelight. Romantic ambience. Red wine. Classical music. Opening the gift that you have gave me (minus the flowers tho!). Giggles. Elated. Ecstatic. Me looking into your eyes and you looking at mine anddddddddddddddd................. *Poof*
It's back to reality. That ain't gonna happen but it's alright, i still have my baybeh Coreen. Sorry min, don't mean to mention your name everytime. But, you are just as single as i am. Haha. Hey, singles just love company kay!!
|2:44 PM|
It feels like deja vu all over again...
It feels like deja vu all over again...
A debate about charity anyone? I am open to opinions but before that, let me contribute my share first ya.
Jon, you have made your stand very clearly regarding your view towards charity. Well, i have to agree we DO stand on different sides. Yes, the victims may be strangers to us and certainly, a $10 donation would be sufficient. If given a choice and IF i do have the cash worth the price of a Nokia Hp, i WOULD donate it to the tsunami victims. I am not noble but this is just me. Cause ultimately, my heart went out to these people. Those who died. Those who survived. Not only to the people, but also to the stray dogs which had lost their masters to the killer tidal waves.
Yes, regardless of whether they are strays or domestic pooches, i still love them all!!!
People may think i am crazy for saying this but seriously, i do hope to go to these tsunami affected areas to help out. BUT it is not possible cause : 1) I have no first-aid experience, maybe just the basic resuscitation. 2) I may be more of a hindrance then help. 3) I would be drown by dad+mum's nagging before i even get drown by any further tidal waves.
What i would like to emphasize to Fang is that money should not be spent this way. And i know that if she has the cash now, it's gonna be the Nokia phone or the Tag Heur watch that i would see her owning the next time i see her. Yes, i don't have the right to control her spending and neither do i have the right to tell her what she should do. But this is me. My attitude. Principles. Character. Fang is materialistic by nature. Mainly because she is the only child. No one blames her for that. What good friends can do is to control her spending and not to pamper her cause ultimately, it is for her own good. She have not smell poverty, let alone tasted it. What i can say is that it aint a good feeling. That's it. I am not angry at Fang, just feeling disappointed. So is Coreen. Whatever it is, these are my views though.
Dad doesn't like me hip hopping and clubbing. Yeah baby, if i can't fulfil these two, might as well ask me end my life! Dancing is my life. I can't live without it. Since they don't me clubbing, i have lessen it. And i have replaced it with hip hop. So what's their problem?? It's not as if i go around saying stuff like: 'Yo man yo man, how was your day pop!!'
Class was good yesterday. For the 1st time, i managed to get my moves right. And all these were done without the mirror. Self-Conscious? Yes. I set high expectations for myself. When i see myself making mistakes, i just can't continue. Sis told me that hip hopping might not be suitable for me but hey, i am not going to dance jazz for the rest of my life. Hip hop is something new and it's crazy dancing. In short, I m lovin' it.
Coreen baybeh, void deck again tonight?? =)
|1:10 PM|
Friends
Friendships
Friendships are fragile. To think I have always believed that long-term and strong friendships could weather through any storms. I have been proven wrong. There are exceptions. Just one mistake have destroy a 2-year friendship right before my very own eyes. To the gentlemen who will read my entry, please don't feel offended for whatever i will be writing about you all.
I am caught in a situation where no one wants to be in. There have been talks about which party should i choose to side with. Just wanna get things straight. i WON'T choose, despite knowing the risks of offending either anyone of you guys. I practised 'impartialilty' and 'neutrality'. These are my principles.
If there were to be a day whereby i get mad @either one of you, please do reflect on your actions. I don't get angry or side whoever for nothing. Whatever things i do, there WILL be a reason behind this. Gentlemen, please remember this. I am treading on a very thin line here. But i love you both as friends. The loss of this friendship between you both is a waste. It is a naive thought but i have always hope for the both of you to reconcile. In reality, this is impossible. i have accepted this.
Whatever the outcome, i just hope that you guys don't harp on the past. Move on with your lives. This is what everyone should look forward to.
Eileen Tan, my Dino is not horny, you are! But no worries, regardless of how 'polluted' your psychotic mind is, you are still, ultimately, my favourite lass. I still love ya. =)
It aint easy finding a blogskin that suits me and my personality perfectly. Current bloggy color is alright. But something is JUST not there. I don't know what.
Bingyu came over with Min yesterday. Gotta passed them some stuff. By the way, hope that stuff helps ya? Min was so damm excited about my hip hop dance that she INSiSTED that i showed her my moves. Mind you, it is not even a request. It's an order from her. And yeapo, it was all done at the void-deck! Goddam it, they were laughing @me. But hey, i remembered my moves kay!! So much for my efforts to demo. Arghh.
(After dancing the moves taught from the first class)
Min: Madeline!! What happen to you? You are so hip hop now. You suppose to be the most gentle among the four of us!!! Wahhh!
Maddie: As a matter of fact, I am gonna have double identities. ^^
Come on, it's good to be 'versatile' right? Told Bingyu to join dance. He agreed but bloody hell, gave me that 'gu niang' hand sign and said he wanted nothing but ballet. Dude, I know you are our jie mei but can't you behave like a real man!!
Friendships are fragile. To think I have always believed that long-term and strong friendships could weather through any storms. I have been proven wrong. There are exceptions. Just one mistake have destroy a 2-year friendship right before my very own eyes. To the gentlemen who will read my entry, please don't feel offended for whatever i will be writing about you all.
I am caught in a situation where no one wants to be in. There have been talks about which party should i choose to side with. Just wanna get things straight. i WON'T choose, despite knowing the risks of offending either anyone of you guys. I practised 'impartialilty' and 'neutrality'. These are my principles.
If there were to be a day whereby i get mad @either one of you, please do reflect on your actions. I don't get angry or side whoever for nothing. Whatever things i do, there WILL be a reason behind this. Gentlemen, please remember this. I am treading on a very thin line here. But i love you both as friends. The loss of this friendship between you both is a waste. It is a naive thought but i have always hope for the both of you to reconcile. In reality, this is impossible. i have accepted this.
Whatever the outcome, i just hope that you guys don't harp on the past. Move on with your lives. This is what everyone should look forward to.
Eileen Tan, my Dino is not horny, you are! But no worries, regardless of how 'polluted' your psychotic mind is, you are still, ultimately, my favourite lass. I still love ya. =)
It aint easy finding a blogskin that suits me and my personality perfectly. Current bloggy color is alright. But something is JUST not there. I don't know what.
Bingyu came over with Min yesterday. Gotta passed them some stuff. By the way, hope that stuff helps ya? Min was so damm excited about my hip hop dance that she INSiSTED that i showed her my moves. Mind you, it is not even a request. It's an order from her. And yeapo, it was all done at the void-deck! Goddam it, they were laughing @me. But hey, i remembered my moves kay!! So much for my efforts to demo. Arghh.
(After dancing the moves taught from the first class)
Min: Madeline!! What happen to you? You are so hip hop now. You suppose to be the most gentle among the four of us!!! Wahhh!
Maddie: As a matter of fact, I am gonna have double identities. ^^
Come on, it's good to be 'versatile' right? Told Bingyu to join dance. He agreed but bloody hell, gave me that 'gu niang' hand sign and said he wanted nothing but ballet. Dude, I know you are our jie mei but can't you behave like a real man!!
|8:28 PM|
I don't want this to happen again.
I don't want this to happen again.
I finally let it all out yesterday. Hope there wont be a 2nd time. And like all girls, i blamed my 'lost of control of myself' to PMS. And Marc, regardless of whether your advices are useful, it certainly does help to an extend and i greatly appreciates it. Told sis about it and she seemed glad that it happened cause, as qouted from her: "I would be even more worried when you don't cry, esp after this had happened to you."
People tells me that i always appeared to be alright even though things are pretty bad for me. I don't deny that i was feeling terrible at that time. But everyone was in such cheery mood that i seriously don't have the heart to spoil the entire festive mood.
No, i am not cold-blooded. I have emotions. It's just that few people have actually witness the other side of me. I used to be a cry-baby; one who complained the same thing over and over again; a girl who whines alot; letting almost everybody know my problems. THAT was me. I don't do all these anymore cause i personally think
1) It's childish.
I finally let it all out yesterday. Hope there wont be a 2nd time. And like all girls, i blamed my 'lost of control of myself' to PMS. And Marc, regardless of whether your advices are useful, it certainly does help to an extend and i greatly appreciates it. Told sis about it and she seemed glad that it happened cause, as qouted from her: "I would be even more worried when you don't cry, esp after this had happened to you."
People tells me that i always appeared to be alright even though things are pretty bad for me. I don't deny that i was feeling terrible at that time. But everyone was in such cheery mood that i seriously don't have the heart to spoil the entire festive mood.
No, i am not cold-blooded. I have emotions. It's just that few people have actually witness the other side of me. I used to be a cry-baby; one who complained the same thing over and over again; a girl who whines alot; letting almost everybody know my problems. THAT was me. I don't do all these anymore cause i personally think
1) It's childish.
2) It irritates the hell out of peeps around me.
3) I should not go around telling peeps my problems. It is afterall, a personal thing.
4) I don't want to lose my good friends.
5) I have grown up. What happened yesterday was just an occasional outburst. Pardon my behaviour.
I went to Alvin's house, injury-free. And thanks to my Dino, I came out of his house with scratch marks all over me. Damm. I think Dino's getting hornier as he grows up. The moment i bend down to pick up something, he just runs over and smell my butt! What the!! I mean, hello, do i look like a female dog?? -_-"" BUT, no matter what, i still love my pooch.
Gonna change my blog skin. It's a lil boring.
|11:57 AM|
My poor legs...
My poor legs....>.<>To Alvin: Mum, dad and sis send you their regards and want you to take good care of yourself in China and wherever place you are travelling to. Hope to see you during CNY.
And i did some really bizarre stuff after i ended my conversation with Alvin. I started forwarding love/f'ship msgs to my friends!! One of my gf received a forwarded love msg and yeapo, i owned her an explanation for that.
I kept hearing strange noises. Either I am hallucinating or my house and office are haunted. Somehow, I chose the former, chose to believe that it's all hallucination.
And i did some really bizarre stuff after i ended my conversation with Alvin. I started forwarding love/f'ship msgs to my friends!! One of my gf received a forwarded love msg and yeapo, i owned her an explanation for that.
I kept hearing strange noises. Either I am hallucinating or my house and office are haunted. Somehow, I chose the former, chose to believe that it's all hallucination.
|10:16 PM|
Weekend is here! (@_@) ----> (^_^)
Weekend is here! (@_@) ----> (^_^)
Bloated. Cramped. This's how i feel now. 'She' just came without any warning and boy, was she early. 5 days early and I wasn't even prepared for it. Had to sneak out of the office to the toilet @Newton. It has a sanitary pad dispenser. On the way there, i met my boss. -_-"
Hip hop class was fun. The dance steps were a li' fast tho. I didn't attempt to do that 'turn' after losing my balance twice. Wouldn't wanna fall on the guy beside me. As i practiced my steps @home, i began to see that the steps ain't that difficult after all!
Watched 'Meet the Fockers' with Marcus and gang. Pretty hilarious with all the sex-jokes and stuff. It was a farewell meeting for Willy who would be enlisted today.
'Hey dude, all the best in your NS AND thanks for introducing me to the world of hip hop dancing! Stay cool.'
Well, some disappointments experienced regarding the gathering. And Vincent, I believe that no one has taken you for granted. Even if there is, it would not be me for i appreciated the things that you have done. Thanks. Fortunately, no parts of the movie were missed despite everyone arriving really late. Headed to Meridien for dinner after that. I was simply amused by how all of them couldn't come to a decision of the venue for dinner. I thought only girls are indecisive. Haha, cant blame them actually for there were only 3 girls among the entire group of 13 peeps. Yin-Yang imbalance. This is what i calls it. =)
Main topic for yesterday's night was on a certain someone who really turned me off. His behaviour of hitting on every single female counterpart that he knows apparently pissed everyone greatly. Well, almost every girl actually cause i haven't gotten 'hit'. Thank god for that. If you guys are carrying out the 'Rotten Eggs' plan, let me know ya. Haha.
|2:01 PM|
An old friend
An old friend~~~~
I met Siao Chia on Bus 189 today...coincidence man..kind of missed her..missed the days that we go home together from STC...as usual, the first question that she asked was:
Siao Chia : How are things between you and him?
Me : We broke up.
Siao Chia : Oh... (wide-eyed)
Guess our seperation really came as a shock to many people...well...i don't blame them definitely...my relationship with him have already come to a stage whereby marriage is the next step...everyone is expecting me to get hitched within the next few years..but then, nothing is predictable..i've learn to accept the fact that long relationships is not = stable relationships...people can stay together for years and years, even up till marriage and then, they divorced..i don't want to reach that stage of divorce cause i would certainly regret it...but still..i've always yearn for long-term and stable relationships..i never like the idea of 'having fun'.. It is just too cruel to play with other people's feelings..
As quoted from Siao Chia "Maybe Alvin is the right guy for you, but he just came at the wrong time.." Seriously, I have no comment...
Someone just asked me if i am a 'mixed' again...do i look not Chinese?? They came to this assumption after making some comparisons with the ladies @my office...they said that i looked too fair to be a pure chinese..well..these ppl haven't seen my mum!! Well, i do have Peranakan blood in me...i guess that contributes to the 'not-so-pure-chinese' skin tone..But then again..what's all the fuss? It's not as if i am joining Ms Universe or something...~_~
I met Siao Chia on Bus 189 today...coincidence man..kind of missed her..missed the days that we go home together from STC...as usual, the first question that she asked was:
Siao Chia : How are things between you and him?
Me : We broke up.
Siao Chia : Oh...
Guess our seperation really came as a shock to many people...well...i don't blame them definitely...my relationship with him have already come to a stage whereby marriage is the next step...everyone is expecting me to get hitched within the next few years..but then, nothing is predictable..i've learn to accept the fact that long relationships is not = stable relationships...people can stay together for years and years, even up till marriage and then, they divorced..i don't want to reach that stage of divorce cause i would certainly regret it...but still..i've always yearn for long-term and stable relationships..i never like the idea of 'having fun'.. It is just too cruel to play with other people's feelings..
As quoted from Siao Chia "Maybe Alvin is the right guy for you, but he just came at the wrong time.." Seriously, I have no comment...
Someone just asked me if i am a 'mixed' again...do i look not Chinese?? They came to this assumption after making some comparisons with the ladies @my office...they said that i looked too fair to be a pure chinese..well..these ppl haven't seen my mum!! Well, i do have Peranakan blood in me...i guess that contributes to the 'not-so-pure-chinese' skin tone..But then again..what's all the fuss? It's not as if i am joining Ms Universe or something...~_~
|8:56 PM|
Sick sick and still sick....
Sick sick and still sick....
I hate my phelgm man...it's irritating, disgusting and above all..ultimately yucky!! damm..it's the virus...the stupid virus that goes around destroying people's wonderful life..but i am gonna heck..just wanna look forward to the dance class on wednesday...hope nothing is screwed up...i am trying to stay positive...stay positive...stay positive...
well...went for a mini shopping spree today...i used to think that it is impossible to shop alone..to many people, somehow, partners (regardless of guys or girls) are a must to give opinions and stuff...if that is really true..i must have done the impossible..afterall..i learn to trust my own style and if people finds my dressing weird, it's just too bad cause ultimately, it is MY own style...
After Alvin left or even during the period before he left, i have been skipping lunch actually...i don't really shop..somehow, time seemed to pass faster when i walked around orchard road...i've to admit this..i was pretty unstable that time..i didn't wanna talk to anyone; didn't wanna go home; didn't wanna eat...
Depression was what i had suffered...a mild one i guess...somehow..no one knew it...i didn't want to let anyone to know anything too...ya..i am selfish...seriously, i only care to be selfless towards others...but, ironically, i don't want people to be selfless towards me...i don't know why...i feel that it is not necessary...just not necessary...
The tag board is not working...damm it...i'ii give you one more day...if it is still not up by tomorrow..i'ii make sure that 'you' get replaced by chatterbox..humpf!!!
I hate my phelgm man...it's irritating, disgusting and above all..ultimately yucky!! damm..it's the virus...the stupid virus that goes around destroying people's wonderful life..but i am gonna heck..just wanna look forward to the dance class on wednesday...hope nothing is screwed up...i am trying to stay positive...stay positive...stay positive...
well...went for a mini shopping spree today...i used to think that it is impossible to shop alone..to many people, somehow, partners (regardless of guys or girls) are a must to give opinions and stuff...if that is really true..i must have done the impossible..afterall..i learn to trust my own style and if people finds my dressing weird, it's just too bad cause ultimately, it is MY own style...
After Alvin left or even during the period before he left, i have been skipping lunch actually...i don't really shop..somehow, time seemed to pass faster when i walked around orchard road...i've to admit this..i was pretty unstable that time..i didn't wanna talk to anyone; didn't wanna go home; didn't wanna eat...
Depression was what i had suffered...a mild one i guess...somehow..no one knew it...i didn't want to let anyone to know anything too...ya..i am selfish...seriously, i only care to be selfless towards others...but, ironically, i don't want people to be selfless towards me...i don't know why...i feel that it is not necessary...just not necessary...
The tag board is not working...damm it...i'ii give you one more day...if it is still not up by tomorrow..i'ii make sure that 'you' get replaced by chatterbox..humpf!!!
|10:19 PM|
Year 2005
Year 2005
I visited my foster uncle at the hospital yesterday..Stomach ulcer was the cause of his admission..Somehow, i just cannot accept the fact that my uncle, once a very strong and fit individual, would end up on the bed of Mount Elizabeth...I admit that i used to dislike him pretty much...but as i see him age over the years and now, his hospitalization, my dislike for him begin to fade...Well...there is no point harping on the past and become a person full of hate and dislike..
I visited my foster uncle at the hospital yesterday..Stomach ulcer was the cause of his admission..Somehow, i just cannot accept the fact that my uncle, once a very strong and fit individual, would end up on the bed of Mount Elizabeth...I admit that i used to dislike him pretty much...but as i see him age over the years and now, his hospitalization, my dislike for him begin to fade...Well...there is no point harping on the past and become a person full of hate and dislike..
Visited my grandma too..i was quite shocked to find quite a number of bruises on her..and no, she wasn't abused...she had a fall recently and some bruises are..well..basically just scratch marks..seeing her so frail and weak..i felt a sudden urge to give a tight hug...ever since she had a fall 2 years back, she had moved to my foster uncle's home..Seriously, i do miss her presence at home...well..gotten a lecture from her for clubbing too much..and i guess i WILL listen to her by cutting down on my clubbing sessions..=)
Had a pretty packed schedule for the past few days..went to Double-o with Marc, Charlie, Tref and gang on thurs..luckily Emily was with me..else..i would be the only gal there..the fun was slightly dampen by the 'incident' happened @ the platform..whoever hand it was, may your hand rot beyond recognition and may you never get laid!! Sorry for the vulgarity here but i don't deny that i was pretty upset about it...but heck..it's over..time to move on...
Well..went for the bbq organized by Marc...think many people would make a comparison between Ernie's and his house..no doubt Ernie's house is much bigger, Marc's house seemed cosier and warmer..we didn't have an official countdown tho..everyone seemed seperated in all parts of the house..i was in fact, pretty satisfied with the friends that i was with when the clock strike 12...and for this new year, i received an unusual gift..It was smth that i had used more than one month back...and now..it was returned to me + a note..i was shocked..in a positive way tho..
Wen said that NYRs don't really serve any purpose, i felt otherwise..NYRs served to motivate me and if i am able to achieve it, it is self-satisfaction..
Lesser clubbing sessions (sorry ppl..i am gonna listen to my granny)
Drink lesser (i don't wanna burn my liver or worse, getting stomach ulcer like my uncle)
Work hard for IAP and get a Diploma with Merit
Spend more quality time with my family
Take good care of my health(I have been really sick this year)
Find my Mr Happiness
Last but not least..Goodbye 2004...
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