Finally blog...
I aint blogging much now. Not that i don't want. Just don't have the time.
Well, attachment has ended and i am in search of a new job. Need cash to sustain my expenses. Mum aint giving me any allowance. Gotta be independent anyway. Don't wanna rely on mum and dad.
Was pretty busy for the past few days. Worked at Expo from fri to sun. And i finally gotten a good rest on tues. =) Prom is coming up really soon. And my sweetie Emily was sooooo nice to accompany me to shop for prom stuff. I owe her one. She'ii be off to Thailand for a shopping trip with Celeste and MeiQi. Well, gotta nice surprise for her when she is back. Ssssshhhh. =))
::
/
::
/
::
Y'know, I finally realized something. Being independent is so essential in our everyday lives. When i was depressed and gettin' all emotional, there was no one around. Absolutely no one at all. Nil. Zero. Kosong. Zilch.
But when i got over my emotional state, i have peeps askin' and concerning bout' me. Of course i appreciate their concern and stuff. But it's a lil' later then i expected. Then again, i don't expect anyone to share any telepathy with me. So well. =p
I was a lil' down yesterday. Shall blame PMS for it. Coming close to midnight and early mornin', 2 calls came in. Calls, i would say, that brought back the old maddie. Thanks peeps. =)
Okay, my darlings' exams are ending this fri. Yes, it's clubbing time!! Wei Xin is organising it. Think that place would be filled with Ngee Ann students. i can't wait.
Time to party. Time to dance. Time to drink. Amen to that. =))
I am a Happy Gal.
|7:40 PM|
My first depressing entry after CNY
After that several outburst and tactless entries written before CNY, i vowed to change my attitude and become a better person. Everything is going well so far. Yes, i do try to refrain from writing depressing entries. Somehow, i just cant help it. So here it goes:
I have been indulging in ice cream lately. Almost 2-3 times a week. No peeps. Don't tell me bout' those calories that comes with it ya. I DON'T wanna listen. And just a recap of what i wrote in the past. I eat ice-cream for 2 reasons:
1) Time of the month is coming.
2) I wanna make myself happy. Even for a short moment.
It's usually only one reason. This time round, both reasons apply to my current situation. Damm.
Today was suppose to be my last day at SAP. But my system screwed up. No, not my system actually. It's the SAP server! Forcing me to return on monday to clear up the mess. My supervisor told me that there might be a possibility that they may not wanna use my system. It's like, what the hell man. I put in so dammm much effort and time to code out the system. And yes, Sis helped me in some ways but overall, i was alone doing this project for them. Basically, the bottom line is:
Everything is just so so disappointing. Many peeps told me to heck and leave. But somehow, i just cant.
I am tired. Wanna have a good sleep real badly. Haven't been sleeping well for 2 weeks already. =\
Met up with Mel and Eileen. I know both gals have their problems. Think Mel is in a pretty bad shape now. But she couldn't speak up. Not that she doesn't want to, just that she couldn't express herself properly. I know that is torturing. That's why i kept using my intuition to guess her problems, hoping to hit on the right one. Almost there tho. =)
As for Eileen, she is plagued by problems but as usual, she reserved her comments and act normal. Gal, you are troubled, so don't deny this k? From your entries, i can tell that you are as cynical as me ya. The old me actually. =p
Alritey, see you gals soon ya. Prolly on Mel's birthday. And Mel, you are crazy. Your birthday list included a handphone! Hah. Get a toy phone for ya la. =p
|12:23 AM|
Attachment
Been writing short entries. This one is no exception too. The reason being:
1) I am in office. =p
2) I would be rushing my project. Deadline is tomorrow.
Pardon me for my weird nick in msn. It happens when i am stressed out.
My photo shoot pics are HORRENDOUS. Horrendous with a capital H. Don't ask me for it. People who have my Post-Cover Look pics, be contented with it ya. It was a N I G H T M A R E seeing all those pics. Argh. That stupid photographer. Damm gu niang. He aint that professional. Kept flirting with sis. Yuuuccks. Felt like giving him a punch man! His studio is situated at Geylang too. Eeeewwwww!
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The book which i've been reading. Yes, to some peeps, go ahead and *yawn* again. I enjoy reading what.
This book is just awsome. That are so many things that i shouldn't have done in my relationship with Alvin in the past. Hey, sorry hur. I just realised all those stuff until i read the book. =p
Still, hope it aint too late. Attachment ends tomorrow. I am a happy gal. =))
|9:05 AM|
okay okay. I am gonna reduce my pic already. Have so many peeps telling me that it's big. And some were even frightened by it. What the! That scary hur? =)
Photoshoot was alrite. Henry was there too by the way. One of the girls commented that he resembles Jeff Wang. Hah. I sweared that he was turned off by it. The studio was situated at Geylang. Pretty tempted to eat the famous "You Tiao". It didn't take long for me to change my decision. While waiting for the last girl to come for the shoot, Henry and i had our dinner @the coffee-shop below the studio. Damm it. All the men, young or old, were ogling at me! I don't and certainly am NOT a hooker. Anyway, we left as soon as we could. Henry and i wandered around @Bugis. Didn't feel like going home cause' it is a friday!
I feel like clubbing. =)
|1:22 PM|
Lalala. I am going nuts. ASP nuts that's. >,<
One important statement :: I absolutely detest flirts. And so does my group of gfs. Nuff said.
Y'know, just a lil' advice for the guys out there. If you are really like a girl, do make sure that her friends like ya too k? Girl's best friend(s) create alot of impact on their decision. At the moment, all is well for me. =))
Been helping friends with their FYP. Sleeping pretty late nowadays and resulted in me catching the flu bug.
Someone asked me this: "Why are you so weak? Always take MC from work."
Me: "I fell sick because i took the effort to help others out. Have you?"
Okay, my answers aint that perfect but i was satisfied. Hah.
Well, I feel that there are some people in life that i can NEVER ever have a decent and sincere friendship. They are basically, fake. Too fake. I had an encounter today with this friend. Was mentioning bout' my short-listing thingy to the university and having a panel interview of 6 interviewees + 2 profs. I dread interviews by the way. Won't forget the incident at Volkswagon. =p
Apparently, some of our mutual friends were shortlisted too. Friend commented this:
"It would be good if he/she go for this interview. Given his/her communication skills, sure reject by the Uni. Then we would have a better chance to get in."
Seriously, i don't think friend was referring to "we". It should be "i". I think this comment is, well, bad. I am capable of replacing the word bad. But i aint doing it. Faithful readers should know why. =) Yes, i am TRYING to be at peace. But deep down, i am, well...................
To me, it's fair competition for any interview. If i cant get in, it's no one's fault but mine. But why do i have people in my life that behave like that? As in the case of friend, I would regard this person as a toxic person in my life. That's it.
A friendship that is not worth keeping. I helped my friends in their FYP out of goodwill. I don't expect much. Friend helped people too, TRADING your infor is a must. So what the...
I just have no comment tho. But toxic people, you can leave my life ya. I would prefer spending time with my baybehs like Min, Hj, Fang, Wen and my darling sista'. =)
|12:42 AM|
Nite @Bar Celona
Nite @Bar Celona. One word to describe it:
FUN. =)
It's been quite a long while since the 4 of us met up. And boy, we had a hell of a good time yesterday. Finally ate my Bak ku teh and soooo much biaaatching + drinking. Okay, some funny events tho.
Let's put aside the fact that i embarrassed myself in front of that good-lookin' waiter aka Mr Alex.
Let's put aside the fact that he laughed at me too! I felt stupid. =p
The ultimate joke of the nite was the "Sugar Daddy" who seemed soooo infatuated with Jun. Not forgetting to mention that he dedicated a song to her too! That dude looked damm filthy rich but a lil' old. Nah, just a typical buaya. Dearest Jun was super turned off. She was targeting the guitarist of the live-band instead. Haha. And that included Min and fang too.
Yes, he is tall, muscular, pretty 'hunky' BUT too ordinary. Sorry gals, Mr Guitarist aint my cuppa' tea. =p Anyway, had a rather meaningful time with them. Many updates of our lives, some rather shocking news and exchange of lame jokes. Jun, i'ii never forget your Indian plane joke man!
Min, you have to forgive me for being restless. i was seriously tired yesterday. Coding the entire day aint a joking matter. Seeing my baybehs certainly make me forget my tiredness and stress, at least for a while. As what Wen has mentioned in her blog, combination of tired + happy aint common. But that was how i felt last nite. =) Amen to that.
PS: Wala Wala anyone? =p
|8:34 PM|
10 Mar 05
It 8.30pm now and i am still in office. Just have to blog this before i leave.
Today, the 10 Mar 05, would mark our 3 years anniversary IF we are still together. Yes, we have broke up but somehow, i am feeling weird inside.
Hey, wherever you are, please take care and all the best. Hope you are reading this. =)
|8:30 PM|
My feelings.
Note:
There is a possibility that you would read my entry. Yes, you did apologise to me for your actions. I accepted it. But that would not stop me from blogging about my feelings towards this incident. Just to let ya know that you are NOT totally at fault for what happened. I have a part to play too.
I have been hurt. Not just emotionally but physically too. My feelings? I was at a loss of what to do when it happened. And that was the second time that i turned my back on someone and walked off. I didn't wanna stay there. When that incident happened, my first thought was to go home for i know that home is the place where i would be safe. Safe from harm. Yes, the damage has been done. It would take some time for me to cool down, so pardon me when i don't wanna see ya for a time being.
To tell ya the truth, i am scared. Awfully scare.
Sis felt that i was a lil' grumpy this morning. I was feeling angry. And i think deep down, she was also calling me a "grumpy bear". Y'see, i always called dad a "grisly, grumpy old bear" cause basically,
he is a grumpy person!
I don't think i am being rude to dad. Really. But think it's retribution. I became like him too. >,<
Been trying to complete my system. Deadline this friday before my last assignment shall be assigned to me. To put it simply:
I am stressed out.
The degree of stress at SAP aint lesser than FYP. In fact, it's the same. Was having dinner with Marc, Tref, Jerome and gang on monday. Heard some peeps making fun of Jerome cause he behaved weirdly when coding his group's DB. Trust me peeps.I knew exactly how Jerome felt. That wassssss stress. =)
To friends who have approached me for help on coding. For just this week, i am not able to help fully due to my assignment. My apologies for that ya. SOrry =p
|5:36 PM|
CLubbing @Black
Black on fri was fun. A total of about 15 people went. Pretty huge group tho and seriously, this is the first time that i had so much fun with so many people around. Ordered 2 bottles of Jim Beam. Drank 4 cups and i was 'burning'. I was a lil' drunk but did the usual:
Dance as tho there is no tomorrow!
Haha. Met a few new friends from the other cohort. Well, i think i drank too much. Legs gotten swollen. But don't think i am allegic to Jim Beam. I remembered breaking out into a slight rash after drinking tequilla @DBL-O months back. Drank it again @ zouk and i was fine. Strange tho. =p
Wei Xin was pretty drunk on fri. But still insisting that he could drive. Kept telling everyone : "Give me 20 mins and i'ii be fine!" Haha. I sweared that he has used up "alot of 20 mins". =p Well, i was the last to alight. He drove Wen to John's house first. Anyway, had a rather meaningful but short chat with him during my journey back home. Felt that he has changed. More mature that is. =))
A friend commented that i seemed to spend alot nowadays. Well baby, you don't know how thrify i was in the past! Haha. I don't think i am being spendthrift here cause many things that i've bought were purely for sis. SHe was kinda feeling low and i thought that giving her some surprises would be nice. =) I just lurrvvee to see the happy look on her face.
With regards to Wen's latest entry on "Happiness is a choice". Let me give my two cents' worth ya.
Happiness IS a choice. And Wen, i'ii gladly let you strangle me if it makes you feel better. That's what good friends are for rite? =) Yes, i know life can be really sucky at times. Seriously, it really depends on how you handle it, isn't it? When i know things are going bad for me, i'ii try to take things in my stride and think positively. It aint easy but i am trying! =) It simply amazes me on how the lil' things in life can sometimes bring tremendous amount of happiness. I just hope to live life simply and be happy.
To Kesh:
Gal, it was unfortunate that you had a bad experience from ya previous relationship. And let me just say this, i HATE guys who abused their partners. I haven't witness this tho and fortunately, none of my guy-friends have displayed such barbaric behaviour. What's with an "Out-of-anger-slap" or "pinching"? Yes, the girl may offend you greatly with her words or behaviour, but why lay hand on her? It's horrible. Guys, if u practice such things, DONt bother making friends with me cause i'ii certainly get my Dino to give ya a good bite. =p
Nuff said. Shalln't talk more bout' it cause it would bring back bad memories for ya. =) But hey, you found Charlie isn't it! One year plus already and still going strong. I am always happy when i see r'ships going well cause ultimately, it aint easy to find that 'someone' whom you are willing to share your life with. Keep going gal! Cheerios. =-)
|11:59 AM|
Relationships..
Met Wen, Jun and Min yesterday for a quick lunch. Hope everything turns out fine cause it's seriously creating a big hoo-ha in school. Oh boy.
We were on the topic of relationships. Typical girls topic by the way. Y'know, some girls stay in the relationship for the sake of staying. What i meant is some girls are so damm persistant in hanging on to their relationship for security. And i mean the lack of it.
Seriously la, "Where is the loooooovvvvvvveee?" =) The reasoning is simple.
Got love, stay on.
No love, move on.
No love, move on.
Really. Why the lack of courage to step out to explore? There MAY be better ones out there. Afraid of lonliness? Yes, long-term relationships do get a lil' routine and boring. But seriously, it's up to ya and your partner to spice things up. =)
One book to recommend. "1001 Ways to be Romantic". It is a book by, erm, can't remember. SOrry. =p I borrowed it from Kelvin and it's simply interesting. Still halfway through tho. That book have certainly taught me something:
Never fail to be creative in love. =)
I feel a strong urge to club now. Prolly tmr. =)) I miss the good ol' days of clubbing with familiar people. Really. I am very selective of the people that i club with after Ms Wendy's incident. Up till this day, the incident still stings. No doubt my original clubbing group has "disbanded", i would still like to say that the days partying at DBL-O were the MOST enjoyable clubbing trips i ever had in my ENTIRE life. Thank you for giving me this wonderful memory. 7 of you in total; 3 guys and 4 girls.
And
Just one last thing to note. My own theory tho.
Behind every event, there would always be these certain types of people: The manipulator who staged the moves. And, the scapegoat.
I have just learnt this. Mankind can be pretty evil at times. Nuff said.
|3:27 PM|
Tuesday...
The haze is getting to me. I am coughing non-stop. Damm it. Peepz, kindly take care ya.
Attachment is ending soon. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! I am waiting, waiting and waiting. I hope NTU or SMU accepts me. Shalln't pin hope on NUS tho. I wanna study badly. I miss the feeling of attending lectures with my good friends. Lunching and bitching. Working is just so different. I should have opt for 2-months ITP.
Singlehood has turned sis and i into compulsive shoppers. I am always a happy soul after i shopped. Sense of satisfaction never fails to lift my mood BUT of course, i know when to limit myself. =))
As for sis, she just aint satisfied with anything she purchase. -_-" Sis, it is just the starting of your healing process. Relax hur.
And when i said i have found my precious, i don't meant a 'bf'. Haha. Mr You-know-who-you-are, i have just found my lost gift.
The power of rumours. Gotten this from Wen's msn nick. Seriously, rumours can just be so rotten. Really. And Wen has to be the unfortunate girl to be caught in it. i just hate rumours. And i hate it even more when the rumour is on me or on my baybehs. Wen, i am here with ya k? You are not alone. Muack. Love ya baby. Just read Wen's blog. She has posted Miss Rumour' s pic and 'blog entry'. Well, the lady who started this whole thing that is. I have no comments except that rumours should be justify. It just aint ethical to write untrue stuff. A declaration of war? I don't know.
|5:19 PM|