Added:
To Roy and Hoho, i have replied you in this entry's comment box. Cant believe that i have actually miss out on your comments. Sorry. =p
I have way too many things on my mind. Just don't know how to put it in words.
I think i have changed. Or rather, i think i have just 'rebirth'. Meaning, everything seems like a fresh start for me. My studies. My behaviour. My life.
I lost the momentum to study since i went on a 6 months attachment at SAP. After which, there were prom, grad and some other events. And seriously, i think i have lost the discipline in studying. Yes, in the past, i had Alvin to control and motivate me. I ought to give him credit for my good grades. And as i said,
I am starting everything from scratch in studying again.
------
Next, my behaviour. I am aware of my flaws. I get either too serious or too playful at many times, incurring the wrath of others around me. Y'know, it's just sooo hard to find a friend who can tolerate my crappyness. Lemme just put it in this way:
When i am serious, i am at my most logical and sensible self. And it seems that i was always serious 24/7 in the past.
When i am in my crappy mood, i OFTEN let my guard down. And yes, i thought i have found another friend whom i can joke and bitch with. But sadly, i had unintentionally offended this individual with my straightforwardness. To be honest, that is actually the Real me. Very few people got to see it cause it takes a helluva' long time for me to warm up to new friends.
At times, i wouldn't know if my words have kinda offended others. Pardon me if that happens. I really don't mean it. And yes, i take people's comments very seriously. Friends have ever told me not to give a hoot about what others think of you. To be honest, i wont wanna bother about strangers' comments. But i do care about friends' comments. I do think and reflect and hopefully, don't let history repeat. And again, i am saying this to my friends, sorry if i have been offending. Do lemme know my faults. I wanna be a better person.
I am starting everything from scratch in learning how to behave properly again.
------
Lastly, my life. I have realised many things since that day. Those advices. Those warnings. Those obvious hints. Not that i didn't wanna listen to you all. Remember this, i may appear NOT listening at times. But internally, i do bear each and every advice in my heart. I really do.
Those hurt and pain inflicted. I had enough. I am getting out. I am breaking away. And no, i aint turning back anymore. Have done much reflections over the past few days. And one conclusion, i was a fool. I made mistakes and i am learning from it . Yes, to be strong for myself, as well as for those who care about me. And,
I am starting everything from scratch in learning how to live my life again.
It's getting really tiring.
|10:22 PM|
First day at SMU ...
Business Law.
Management Accounting.
Economics.
Creative thinking.
When i saw these modules, two words came to my mind : Deja vu. Goodness. I thought i would never touch these modules again. And yes, i still dislike accounting. No doubt about it. =)
This morning felt so good. The air is so crisp. And as usual, i love the smell of the morning dew. From my view at the Business Faculty, i could see the bustling traffic along Stamford Road. Yes, my first day of school at the SMU city campus. It is definitely vibrant and colorful. Something which SMU have promised.
I had a morning class at 8.30am. Headed to school early as i was pretty unfamiliar with walking from city hall mrt. And guess what, i took a WHOPPING 5 mins to reach SMU. Duh! Fortunately, WQ came at 8.10am.
Well, lesson was a marathon today. A long schedule from 8.30am to 6.45pm. We had an accounting talk after lunch. Boy, my first nap of the day. Brain have been pretty screwed up from looking at the debits, credits, liabilities, proprietorship yada yada yada yada.
Sucks. Account sucks.
Anyway, i am still waiting for 'dates' during my free periods. Tuesdays are the worst. I have a freaking 6 hours break before my next class at 1715 - 1845. Prolly i might head home tho. With com service, lectures and upcoming ccas (hopefully), schedule is much packed.
And yes, another upcoming event at Chinablack. SMU's bash. And i sweared that the guys at the pageants looked extremely bad. There was one that looked vaguely like Chow Yue Fatt in the King of Gamble. He gel his hair back. I think a tornado wont be able to destroy that hairdoooo.
Gaaaawwd. Save me. I don pay 10 bucks to look at this kinda hunks.
|11:30 PM|
Sometimes, i do things that is so outta my character.
These are moments that i can never comprehend.
I was cynical in the past. Or rather my entries were.
I rant and rave, causing a lil' misunderstanding with Mr Lucas.
That big-hearted guy didn't took it to heart.
And no, i don't have blog fans.
I have blog FRIENDS.
Yes, my entries were harsh and reckless.
I knew that myself.
As mentioned, that was the first time it happened to me.
I need time to learn to handle it.
You were apologetic for hurting me.
Clarifying that you don't mean it this way. I accept it.
And really, compatibility clashes make us perceive things very differently.
No matter what, i don wanna hold any grudges against you.
I hope you do remember that.
I just wanna remain good friends.
To someone who have made an impact in my life.
"You cant be gd friends with your ex."
I have NEVER EVER believe this fact.
I still care about you, even as friends.
Else, why would i go scouting for your favourite stuff when you came back?
I guess we both still need some time.
Whatever it is, i hope you live well tho.
And all the best in your work and relationship.
Regards, Miss Maddie
|10:38 AM|
Birthday Post Part 2
Birthday Post Part 2
Note:
Beware. Get your reading glasses. This post is gonna be long. And Girls, i have commented in my previous entry ya. Just wanna say, thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.
In my entire life, i only see beauty queens wearing tiara. Last sat, I was made to wear it. ANd mind you, the tiara was NOT diamond-studded gold-plated kind. It was silver-plated with FUR!! And it comes with a wand. hahaha. think i look like an eskimo-girl. That's not all. The lasses make me wear it with conditions applied.
I gotta wear the tiara for the entire nite at Chinablack! Even on the dancefloor. Yes, i was the centre of attraction. Seriously, if someone else wore like this during clubbing, i would have been soo pissed. Simply dislike people who whores for attention. Arghh! It was my turn that night. The tiara did gave me the much NOT-needed attention. Wah liew. Embarrassment. Serene was asking me about my flushes on my cheeks. To be honest, i donno if it was the Galsberg or the tiara. =)
My favourite lay-dehs.
Sister pic aint here. Photos still with Min. =(
Note:
Beware. Get your reading glasses. This post is gonna be long. And Girls, i have commented in my previous entry ya. Just wanna say, thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.
In my entire life, i only see beauty queens wearing tiara. Last sat, I was made to wear it. ANd mind you, the tiara was NOT diamond-studded gold-plated kind. It was silver-plated with FUR!! And it comes with a wand. hahaha. think i look like an eskimo-girl. That's not all. The lasses make me wear it with conditions applied.
I gotta wear the tiara for the entire nite at Chinablack! Even on the dancefloor. Yes, i was the centre of attraction. Seriously, if someone else wore like this during clubbing, i would have been soo pissed. Simply dislike people who whores for attention. Arghh! It was my turn that night. The tiara did gave me the much NOT-needed attention. Wah liew. Embarrassment. Serene was asking me about my flushes on my cheeks. To be honest, i donno if it was the Galsberg or the tiara. =)
My favourite lay-dehs.
Sister pic aint here. Photos still with Min. =(
.
.
.
Yes, the tiara and the wand!
The {lurrvv ley} and sexy Serene.
Wendy girl
Marcus Mz
Yijun and fang
Wei Xin
Overall, it was okay. I think my head too big. The tiara kept "popping" outta my head. Damm. I've lost count the number of times that Hj puts the tiara back on my head. And really, if my wand have magical power, i would have turn those tee koh peks into FROGs. Also, i can use it to turn my fav guy into my PRINCE. Haha. That would be the greatest Birthday wish ever.
People thought i would get wasted on my Birthday nite. I know i wont. Anyway, i was sober tho but, Tref was drunk. =)
.
.
.
.
Met up with Mel and Eileen at Cine Pastamania. They bought me choco cake. And yes, i have been eating cakes in these 3 days. Goodness. They were ALL choco cakes. Well, thanks babes.
This 20th Birthday, i received much well-wishes from quite a number of people. And some kinda surprised me as i don't expect them to remember.
On the list:
Dearest sista
Huajun, Coreen, Peifang
Mel and Eileen
Wendy, Yi Jun and Wei Xin
Marcus and family (I was really surprised at the Agnes B perfume from your parents. Thanks alot. And Tricia, i'ii be at you Birthday party on the 27th ya. =p)
Serene, Joel and Julian
Tref
Cousin Kevin
Cousin Melvyn
Zikai
George
Chester
Ada and Christina
Tse Wei
Keshia
Cheryl Lim
Mr Ckk
And again, thanks. Yes, i was happy. =)
Yes, the tiara and the wand!
The {lurrvv ley} and sexy Serene.
Wendy girl
Marcus Mz
Yijun and fang
Wei Xin
Overall, it was okay. I think my head too big. The tiara kept "popping" outta my head. Damm. I've lost count the number of times that Hj puts the tiara back on my head. And really, if my wand have magical power, i would have turn those tee koh peks into FROGs. Also, i can use it to turn my fav guy into my PRINCE. Haha. That would be the greatest Birthday wish ever.
People thought i would get wasted on my Birthday nite. I know i wont. Anyway, i was sober tho but, Tref was drunk. =)
.
.
.
.
Met up with Mel and Eileen at Cine Pastamania. They bought me choco cake. And yes, i have been eating cakes in these 3 days. Goodness. They were ALL choco cakes. Well, thanks babes.
This 20th Birthday, i received much well-wishes from quite a number of people. And some kinda surprised me as i don't expect them to remember.
On the list:
Dearest sista
Huajun, Coreen, Peifang
Mel and Eileen
Wendy, Yi Jun and Wei Xin
Marcus and family (I was really surprised at the Agnes B perfume from your parents. Thanks alot. And Tricia, i'ii be at you Birthday party on the 27th ya. =p)
Serene, Joel and Julian
Tref
Cousin Kevin
Cousin Melvyn
Zikai
George
Chester
Ada and Christina
Tse Wei
Keshia
Cheryl Lim
Mr Ckk
And again, thanks. Yes, i was happy. =)
|10:44 PM|
Birthday Post Part 1
Birthday Post Part 1
To all those who have attended my birthday celebration at Chinablack, to those who have sent me their well-wishes via call and sms, and to those who have left friendster testimonials + messages for me,
Thanks.
And yes, i had a great time. Really. I would have to give credit to the people who have made this birthday a memorable one.
.
.
.
.
.
Last friday, i went out with the chics to Kenny's at Suntec. They gave me this really hugeee sunflower. Guess the flower was too heavy for its stalk. It was drooping.
I need water. Help!
And yes, updates here and there again. Think i have the most updates tho. (: Min bought Peko from HongKong. I think the bottle is darn cute.
After which, we left Kenny's. And fang develop this sudden craving for window-shopping. She dragged me around Suntec, looking at clothes. Min and jun mysteriously disappeared. It's funny as how the things goes. Say, after 30 mins, fang brought me to the top of Suntec fountain. And i saw this.
Those lasses created this for me. Aren't they the sweetest things on earth? (:
I simply lurvve this tofu-men collection. Yes, we might be childish and infantile. But hey, we are still young girls at heart. (: Sis mentioned that the tofu-men seemed to reflect on our personalities really well. I donno tho. You decide.
Thanks.
And yes, i had a great time. Really. I would have to give credit to the people who have made this birthday a memorable one.
.
.
.
.
.
Last friday, i went out with the chics to Kenny's at Suntec. They gave me this really hugeee sunflower. Guess the flower was too heavy for its stalk. It was drooping.
I need water. Help!
And yes, updates here and there again. Think i have the most updates tho. (: Min bought Peko from HongKong. I think the bottle is darn cute.
After which, we left Kenny's. And fang develop this sudden craving for window-shopping. She dragged me around Suntec, looking at clothes. Min and jun mysteriously disappeared. It's funny as how the things goes. Say, after 30 mins, fang brought me to the top of Suntec fountain. And i saw this.
Those lasses created this for me. Aren't they the sweetest things on earth? (:
I simply lurvve this tofu-men collection. Yes, we might be childish and infantile. But hey, we are still young girls at heart. (: Sis mentioned that the tofu-men seemed to reflect on our personalities really well. I donno tho. You decide.
|8:18 PM|
I simply hate the virus or whatsoever illnesses that struck all my beloved friends. Suppose to meet up the 2 lasses today. Eileen, however, suffered from bad tummy cramp. Hence, our meeting was cancelled today. I was disappointed of course. But things do happened tho. I blamed no one.
Seems to me that everyone caught the fireworks. Almost all actually. I didn't. It was boring. And i didn't even watch NDP on the tv. Was away in slumberland. That was a mistake. I couldn't sleep later on. Shucks!
Anyway, boredooom-ness gotten over me and i did the usual. No, i don't count sheeps. In fact, counting sheeps seemed like the silliest thing to do. You'ii be even more awake. Read all my smses on my handphone tho. 128 messages in all. Still keep one message that was sent by him on 20 February 2002. Yes, i love keeping messages. My memories. I am a sentimental fool remember. I love to read and reminisce.
The 128 messages included the incident that occur from late 2004 till Feb 2005. As i read through the messages again, it felt so realistic all of a sudden. Seemed like it has just happened. But no, that took place almost 10 months back.
Prolly i was hit by a bout' of deja vu. Whatever it is, that was a bad memory. Something which is best to be left forgotten. Anyway, we are all living our seperate lives. With him getting attached to someone new, it only proves that he has move on. Why shouldn't i? =)
Lala. Counting down.
2 more days.
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.
|1:21 AM|
People, i am still very much alive. Thank you very much. Just that the internet has suddenly join the world of blandness too. Hence, my really long absence from the msn.
Days passed rather quickly. And i know i havent been using my time efficiently. The flu bug got into me too. Think i would need all the rest that i can get. Anyway, it will be 8 more days before i hit a big 20. Have alot of things on my mind tho. A friend will not be in Singapore to celebrate this 20th birthday with me. Nevertheless, he made up for it. Bought 4 different slices of cakes from Hotel Intercontinental. I particularly like this the most.
Thanks. =)
And yes, my hammy gave birth a couple of weeks back. She is now a proud mother of 7 babies.
Eyes barely opened.
Tiny little things!
They are all growing up. A few have rather big butts and whines alot when i carry them. Donno why. Think they are females tho. Cause those hamstas have the characteristics of a typical human female. =)
|1:16 PM|
The novelty for everything is wearing off.
Clubbing.
Blogging.
Everything is a ultimate S-I-A-N. Weird isn't it? At the moment, it all seemed so bland. So black/white. So grey. Where have all the colors went to? I donno. Sucks.
Yes, i know i am repeating stuff like an ah-ma. But i am still gonna say this : "Clubbing is a big time *YAWN* now." On top of that, it is wasting my moolah. Kesh is so right about this. An expansive hobby, no doubt. Having to deal with the smoke, the drunkens, guys full of raging hormones at the clubs and those tee ko peks is definitely tough. In fact, as what some people calls it, clubbing is a temporary euphoria, involving booze, sex and lotsa dirty dancing. So why the hell do i still love it?
i donno.
When i revealed to people that i do club, their reaction is always the same: flabbergasted. And that simply amuses me to no end. Strange isn't it? What if i also reveal that i does bar-top dancing at devil's bar? Hahaha. Would anyone believe me too?
Next up, blogging. Just read all my entries when i first started out last year. Everything was soooo infantile. And if you actually notice, my bloggy doesn't have archives. Simply because i don want to live in the past anymore. Blogging was rather interesting initially. Now, it's definitely losing its novelty. My entries used to be read by friends only. Now, everyone reads it. And somehow, to a small extend, i feel that blogging has become rather, commercialize? I donno this too. Just an assumption tho. Many people begin blogging for entertainment. Some tries too hard. Really too hard. I don't see the point writing to please the crowd. What's wrong with writing for some specific people like your friends and love ones?
Whatever it is, blogging just aint like before. Nuff said.
|7:50 PM|