Added:
To Roy and Hoho, i have replied you in this entry's comment box. Cant believe that i have actually miss out on your comments. Sorry. =p
I have way too many things on my mind. Just don't know how to put it in words.
I think i have changed. Or rather, i think i have just 'rebirth'. Meaning, everything seems like a fresh start for me. My studies. My behaviour. My life.
I lost the momentum to study since i went on a 6 months attachment at SAP. After which, there were prom, grad and some other events. And seriously, i think i have lost the discipline in studying. Yes, in the past, i had Alvin to control and motivate me. I ought to give him credit for my good grades. And as i said,
I am starting everything from scratch in studying again.
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Next, my behaviour. I am aware of my flaws. I get either too serious or too playful at many times, incurring the wrath of others around me. Y'know, it's just sooo hard to find a friend who can tolerate my crappyness. Lemme just put it in this way:
When i am serious, i am at my most logical and sensible self. And it seems that i was always serious 24/7 in the past.
When i am in my crappy mood, i OFTEN let my guard down. And yes, i thought i have found another friend whom i can joke and bitch with. But sadly, i had unintentionally offended this individual with my straightforwardness. To be honest, that is actually the Real me. Very few people got to see it cause it takes a helluva' long time for me to warm up to new friends.
At times, i wouldn't know if my words have kinda offended others. Pardon me if that happens. I really don't mean it. And yes, i take people's comments very seriously. Friends have ever told me not to give a hoot about what others think of you. To be honest, i wont wanna bother about strangers' comments. But i do care about friends' comments. I do think and reflect and hopefully, don't let history repeat. And again, i am saying this to my friends, sorry if i have been offending. Do lemme know my faults. I wanna be a better person.
I am starting everything from scratch in learning how to behave properly again.
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Lastly, my life. I have realised many things since that day. Those advices. Those warnings. Those obvious hints. Not that i didn't wanna listen to you all. Remember this, i may appear NOT listening at times. But internally, i do bear each and every advice in my heart. I really do.
Those hurt and pain inflicted. I had enough. I am getting out. I am breaking away. And no, i aint turning back anymore. Have done much reflections over the past few days. And one conclusion, i was a fool. I made mistakes and i am learning from it . Yes, to be strong for myself, as well as for those who care about me. And,
I am starting everything from scratch in learning how to live my life again.
It's getting really tiring.
|10:22 PM|