A year since it happened.
It feels like yesterday.
You are the one who gave me such immerse contentment.
You are the one who took that same joy away.
Wiping away those tears, i told myself, move on, it just aint worth it.
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We spent like, 4 hours bitching. But it aint enough! Yes, i was tired. And the contact lenses worsen my already-tired-eyes. I guess that Mocha-latte dutch tada tada kept me alert. I wonder how coffee bean can come up with long names when it's just simply, mocha latte! I always use Kelly when the staff asked for it. Don't ask me why. I donno. Somehow, no one has ever pronounced or spell Madeline correctly. Damm!
When my drink was ready, that guy was like: 'KENNY KENNY KENNY!' Ugh! That was the ultimate. I frowned at him. Can't even pronounced KELLY. And since when i became a guy!
We were strolling around Hereen earlier, trying hard to digest that dinner we had at Cine. Mom was still warning me to avoid that area where the dude fell to his death. But i forgot tho. I mean, business continue bustling. Everything just moves on. As though that tragedy didn't occur. Anyway, we were just window-shopping. No moolah. Poor Ser haven't gotten her wages. At least i gotten my peanuts from the lawfirm. Prolly a few dollars richer. Haha.
At Aididas, that lass divulge something which i wasn't suppose to know. Haha. I hounded her la. It was nothing much but i do feel a lil paiseh. (: During dinner, she was mentioning the "Virgin Vixen". That greatly interest me. Haha. Goodness. I think that lass knows almost all of my secrets already. Even those that i kept it so close to my heart till no one knows. Somehow, i feel the need to share with her. I donno why. I know she won't judge. That's prolly why i love her so much. (: Actually, i would say that she is the one who snapped me back to reality. She told me alot. And this time, i really listen hard.
And i totally agree with her on this. Very often, the guys that we like don't reciprocrate. It's so true but i guess that didnt happened in the case of chia. (: honey, we gotta meet up again k!
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And just for friends who are reading this. If you all wanna meet up for dinner or something, do let me know few days in advance ya. Cause i'ii usually reject meet-ups if it's last minute. Reason being, time is rather limited and i am usually busy. Actually, i am trying to meet different batches of close friends almost every week. Wanna spend some quality time and hopefully, bring our friendship to a higher level. Neglecting friends cause of bf? That is something which i don't believe anymore. Have i been enlightened? I hope so. (:
Ah yes, Happy Belated Birthday Vincent. (:
It feels like yesterday.
You are the one who gave me such immerse contentment.
You are the one who took that same joy away.
Wiping away those tears, i told myself, move on, it just aint worth it.
.
.
.
.
.
.
We spent like, 4 hours bitching. But it aint enough! Yes, i was tired. And the contact lenses worsen my already-tired-eyes. I guess that Mocha-latte dutch tada tada kept me alert. I wonder how coffee bean can come up with long names when it's just simply, mocha latte! I always use Kelly when the staff asked for it. Don't ask me why. I donno. Somehow, no one has ever pronounced or spell Madeline correctly. Damm!
When my drink was ready, that guy was like: 'KENNY KENNY KENNY!' Ugh! That was the ultimate. I frowned at him. Can't even pronounced KELLY. And since when i became a guy!
We were strolling around Hereen earlier, trying hard to digest that dinner we had at Cine. Mom was still warning me to avoid that area where the dude fell to his death. But i forgot tho. I mean, business continue bustling. Everything just moves on. As though that tragedy didn't occur. Anyway, we were just window-shopping. No moolah. Poor Ser haven't gotten her wages. At least i gotten my peanuts from the lawfirm. Prolly a few dollars richer. Haha.
At Aididas, that lass divulge something which i wasn't suppose to know. Haha. I hounded her la. It was nothing much but i do feel a lil paiseh. (: During dinner, she was mentioning the "Virgin Vixen". That greatly interest me. Haha. Goodness. I think that lass knows almost all of my secrets already. Even those that i kept it so close to my heart till no one knows. Somehow, i feel the need to share with her. I donno why. I know she won't judge. That's prolly why i love her so much. (: Actually, i would say that she is the one who snapped me back to reality. She told me alot. And this time, i really listen hard.
And i totally agree with her on this. Very often, the guys that we like don't reciprocrate. It's so true but i guess that didnt happened in the case of chia. (: honey, we gotta meet up again k!
.
.
.
.
.
.
And just for friends who are reading this. If you all wanna meet up for dinner or something, do let me know few days in advance ya. Cause i'ii usually reject meet-ups if it's last minute. Reason being, time is rather limited and i am usually busy. Actually, i am trying to meet different batches of close friends almost every week. Wanna spend some quality time and hopefully, bring our friendship to a higher level. Neglecting friends cause of bf? That is something which i don't believe anymore. Have i been enlightened? I hope so. (:
Ah yes, Happy Belated Birthday Vincent. (:
|11:39 PM|
A lady met this guy online. In fact, it was MySpace.com. And yes, she was murdered. Okay, RAPE and murdered. Apparently, reports showed that she died from, rough sex? Ewwww. That guy is a sinister. Outright vicious and immoral. As quoted from DAD, "Rapists should be stripped stark naked and tied to a tree filled with red, fire ants." Er, he is fierce. I am NOT! (: When sis post that up in friendster's bulletin, i dismissed it as some kind of phoney spam. But i read that post out of curiosity anyway.
Tyler B was only 18 when she disappeared. Apparently, her last login shown on MySpace was sometime in March? or was it in June? Cant remember tho. Anyway, friends still leave messages and condolences for her family. It looks kinda creepy to me.
Well, that actually brought back certain memories. During my convent days, everyone was so into BGRs. And yes, i admit this. I long for a bf back then. Signs of desperation i guess. Succumbing to peer pressure, i went in search for a partner from MIRC. Was just 13 years of age.
My first cyber-bf was from Assumption English School. He was around my age or maybe a year older. Cant really recall tho. His name was Victor i guess. Every night, i would wait by my computer for him. And we would chat through the night. As well as on the phone. Pagers were popular that time by the way. After many months of communicating via net and phone, we agreed to meet. And just for your information, we haven't seen each other pic.
The meeting place was at Cineleisure Level 3. I told him that a convent girl shall be waiting by the escalator. Okay, i was excited alright. Waited for a while before i saw wispy-haired guy walking rather slowly towards me. I was getting more nervous. And you know what, he just walked passed and headed down the escalator.
I was suspicious but didnt gave much thought. Waited for a whole 45 mins before he paged me, saying that he was not able to make it for the meeting due to some work committments. After that day, we didn't speak or chat much. Okay, prolly my mushroom hair and chubby frame aint his cuppa' tea.
Anyway, i got my gf to check up on him in Assumption English. Fine, i was a curious bitch. Wanted to know how he looked like and stuff. My gf gave me a simple conclusion. "He looked pretty normal, like your average joe. Currently going through a series of puberty, resulting in some tremendous outbreak on the face."
Oh yes, point taken. Seriously, it was stupid la. What do i know about love at the age of 13? And it was fortunate that the IRC last time was kinda "safer". As in, there aint so many lechers lurking behind those comps. Maybe there was. I donno.
Anyway, i don't believe in IRC anymore. I prefer to make friends personally. As in, face-to-face communication with proper introduction. I guess that was how i came out of my comfort zone, trying to expand my social circle. Still trying tho. Cant possibly fulfil that through the chatline. Maybe for others. But certainly aint for me.
Tyler B was only 18 when she disappeared. Apparently, her last login shown on MySpace was sometime in March? or was it in June? Cant remember tho. Anyway, friends still leave messages and condolences for her family. It looks kinda creepy to me.
Well, that actually brought back certain memories. During my convent days, everyone was so into BGRs. And yes, i admit this. I long for a bf back then. Signs of desperation i guess. Succumbing to peer pressure, i went in search for a partner from MIRC. Was just 13 years of age.
My first cyber-bf was from Assumption English School. He was around my age or maybe a year older. Cant really recall tho. His name was Victor i guess. Every night, i would wait by my computer for him. And we would chat through the night. As well as on the phone. Pagers were popular that time by the way. After many months of communicating via net and phone, we agreed to meet. And just for your information, we haven't seen each other pic.
The meeting place was at Cineleisure Level 3. I told him that a convent girl shall be waiting by the escalator. Okay, i was excited alright. Waited for a while before i saw wispy-haired guy walking rather slowly towards me. I was getting more nervous. And you know what, he just walked passed and headed down the escalator.
I was suspicious but didnt gave much thought. Waited for a whole 45 mins before he paged me, saying that he was not able to make it for the meeting due to some work committments. After that day, we didn't speak or chat much. Okay, prolly my mushroom hair and chubby frame aint his cuppa' tea.
Anyway, i got my gf to check up on him in Assumption English. Fine, i was a curious bitch. Wanted to know how he looked like and stuff. My gf gave me a simple conclusion. "He looked pretty normal, like your average joe. Currently going through a series of puberty, resulting in some tremendous outbreak on the face."
Oh yes, point taken. Seriously, it was stupid la. What do i know about love at the age of 13? And it was fortunate that the IRC last time was kinda "safer". As in, there aint so many lechers lurking behind those comps. Maybe there was. I donno.
Anyway, i don't believe in IRC anymore. I prefer to make friends personally. As in, face-to-face communication with proper introduction. I guess that was how i came out of my comfort zone, trying to expand my social circle. Still trying tho. Cant possibly fulfil that through the chatline. Maybe for others. But certainly aint for me.
|10:40 PM|
To Matthias :
I do feel that the impact is kinda great. That kind of stress is just not the same as poly. And i came to this conclusion: "I am not enjoying school." It was not the case in Ngee Ann Poly. I love NP. I love my friends in NP. i love the cosyness of the school.
I know this statement sounds crazy but i love the stress level at Ngee Ann. Haha. Well, life moves on. Don't be mistaken. SMU friends are really great. I am still trying hard to get to know them better.
I guess the school aint that cosy and comfortable. It's kinda competitive. Too competitive. Everyone competes in everything. Looks. Clothes. Grades. Strange though. Actually you're right. I am already starting to pick myself up and learn. (: By the way, what happened in Germany? Why were you disgusted?
To Derek dee :
Dee, thanks for your concern. Everything takes time. And i am not a fast learner to start with. In fact, i think i learn stuff like tortoise. =p I know i have friends to fall back on. One of them is you. (: Sorry that i havent been contacting you much. I have also been MIA-ing from my dollies. Feeling kinda guilty about it. And yes, i am still looking for that shoulder. (:
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Yea! i'ii be meeting my dollies tomorrow. Suppose to meet Serene dearest. But the lass ends her training much later than expected. Would prolly postpone it to this coming weekend. (:
With the rather tight schedule at the moment, i am rather selective on the people to meet for gathering. The same goes for clubbing tho. Serene dear, is the CoCo latte still on? The one on 28th/29th October?
I do feel that the impact is kinda great. That kind of stress is just not the same as poly. And i came to this conclusion: "I am not enjoying school." It was not the case in Ngee Ann Poly. I love NP. I love my friends in NP. i love the cosyness of the school.
I know this statement sounds crazy but i love the stress level at Ngee Ann. Haha. Well, life moves on. Don't be mistaken. SMU friends are really great. I am still trying hard to get to know them better.
I guess the school aint that cosy and comfortable. It's kinda competitive. Too competitive. Everyone competes in everything. Looks. Clothes. Grades. Strange though. Actually you're right. I am already starting to pick myself up and learn. (: By the way, what happened in Germany? Why were you disgusted?
To Derek dee :
Dee, thanks for your concern. Everything takes time. And i am not a fast learner to start with. In fact, i think i learn stuff like tortoise. =p I know i have friends to fall back on. One of them is you. (: Sorry that i havent been contacting you much. I have also been MIA-ing from my dollies. Feeling kinda guilty about it. And yes, i am still looking for that shoulder. (:
.
.
.
.
.
Yea! i'ii be meeting my dollies tomorrow. Suppose to meet Serene dearest. But the lass ends her training much later than expected. Would prolly postpone it to this coming weekend. (:
With the rather tight schedule at the moment, i am rather selective on the people to meet for gathering. The same goes for clubbing tho. Serene dear, is the CoCo latte still on? The one on 28th/29th October?
|11:17 PM|
The love issue
"What is love?"
This question has been asked many times. I'ii still stick by my answer though. Self-sacrifice. Happiness. An indescribable feeling of connection. To me, chemistry is certainly not enough.
I really won't know how to put that feeling into words. As i said, it's indescribable. I have much chemistry with many of my guy friends. So am i suppose to fall for them? Hell no. But i know of one who gave me that feeling. Yes, that was love. I knew it.
I never believe in love at first sight. That is, for my case. If that happens, it's purely lust. Alright, this is my own opinion about myself ya. Not applicable to other lasses out there. Yes, i don't believe. But that doesn't mean i'ii be judgemental to others who has encounter such attraction.
I know of a couple who started off their relationship with the "love-at-first-sight" attraction. They got married 3 months later. (Read: Not shortgun marriage) And to date, they have 3 kids and are happily married for 10 years. Nothing is impossible, alright.
Yes, after much have happened in my life, it is obvious on who still wanna keep in contact with me. And i know of friends who shalln't confide in me anymore. They just kept saying that i don't understand them.
In the first place, you don't even wanna say much. How the hell am i suppose to understand. I really wanna help. But can i? I don't like the idea of probing too much. To me, i'ii leave it to you to speak up. But when all fails, i can only silently observe you and use my intuition (which always fails me) to sense if you are going through any rough patch.
Do you know how tiring it is? Can you imagine this. I am tired trying to be a good friend to all. Yes, Uni is getting really tough. I am struggling to keep my sanity, as well as stopping myself from slipping into depression. And i won't wanna suffer from a series of possible heart attacks with those frequent outbursts of my temper.
At times, i do need someone to fall back on. Someone to be with me when i crumble. Someone that i could be physically, emotionally and mentally attached to. Someone who can just make me happy. Seriously, i just don't know how to fall in love anymore. You have left an extremely huge impact on me.
My wish for last year's Xmas was : I just wanna be happy.
My wish for 2005 Resolution : I just wanna be happy.
My wish for this year's 20th Birthday : I just wanna be happy.
Such a simple wish. So darn hard to achieve.
This question has been asked many times. I'ii still stick by my answer though. Self-sacrifice. Happiness. An indescribable feeling of connection. To me, chemistry is certainly not enough.
I really won't know how to put that feeling into words. As i said, it's indescribable. I have much chemistry with many of my guy friends. So am i suppose to fall for them? Hell no. But i know of one who gave me that feeling. Yes, that was love. I knew it.
I never believe in love at first sight. That is, for my case. If that happens, it's purely lust. Alright, this is my own opinion about myself ya. Not applicable to other lasses out there. Yes, i don't believe. But that doesn't mean i'ii be judgemental to others who has encounter such attraction.
I know of a couple who started off their relationship with the "love-at-first-sight" attraction. They got married 3 months later. (Read: Not shortgun marriage) And to date, they have 3 kids and are happily married for 10 years. Nothing is impossible, alright.
Yes, after much have happened in my life, it is obvious on who still wanna keep in contact with me. And i know of friends who shalln't confide in me anymore. They just kept saying that i don't understand them.
In the first place, you don't even wanna say much. How the hell am i suppose to understand. I really wanna help. But can i? I don't like the idea of probing too much. To me, i'ii leave it to you to speak up. But when all fails, i can only silently observe you and use my intuition (which always fails me) to sense if you are going through any rough patch.
Do you know how tiring it is? Can you imagine this. I am tired trying to be a good friend to all. Yes, Uni is getting really tough. I am struggling to keep my sanity, as well as stopping myself from slipping into depression. And i won't wanna suffer from a series of possible heart attacks with those frequent outbursts of my temper.
At times, i do need someone to fall back on. Someone to be with me when i crumble. Someone that i could be physically, emotionally and mentally attached to. Someone who can just make me happy. Seriously, i just don't know how to fall in love anymore. You have left an extremely huge impact on me.
My wish for last year's Xmas was : I just wanna be happy.
My wish for 2005 Resolution : I just wanna be happy.
My wish for this year's 20th Birthday : I just wanna be happy.
Such a simple wish. So darn hard to achieve.
|9:24 PM|
The whole week just passed so quickly. Can't exactly keep track of my time anymore. Was mugging throughout for this morning's Business Law test. It was still alright though. Wanted to head to MoMo tonite. Got about 9 free tickets that comes with one standard drink. But again, my gfs can't make it :(
A much-needed rest is what i want now. Clubbing can wait. For these past few days, i have so many things on my mind. I just wanted to blog them out. But as days passed, these issues would just *poof* as i turned my attention to the endless homework and projects.
Anyway, i am pretty much disgusted by how some people actually stereotype poly-grads in SMU. Was having a rather good impression on a guy in my cohort. But that changed when Missy V said something to the lasses over lunch last week.
The pig only hangs out with the jc-girls. And on the second week of class, that dude asked Missy V if she was a poly-grad. And mind you, my gf sensed a feeling of despise from him. He briefly mentioned that the lasses (including me) have the poly-face. Sucks.
Sometimes i wonder. What poly-face? We looked mature? Old? Serious? Anti-social? And you know what, he graduated from the poly too k. How ironic! And Missy V complained that he only approaches the scholars and jc-students when he needs help. Why? Poly students can't help you hur.
Seriously, i am proud of my peers who are able to get into the Unis in Singapore. Yes, the criteria to enter local U may have dropped. But i think those who made into SMU definitely deserve all the credit they can get. We formed the minority in SMU. That, however, doesn't deter us from mixing around with the foreigners and jc-students. In my opinion, that is interesting as i get to experience how their own cultural works. One thing that i learnt, jc-students are generally more sociable and they ain't muggers. Right Roy? (:
Anyway, jc-girls formed a large majority in my class. And getting along with them is certainly not a problem. I think they are a bunch of fun people to be with. One of them came up to me in class, telling me how i motivated her to copy notes during law lesson. For your infor, i was busy scibbling away. As usual, friends took my notes to zap a copy for themselves.
Having heard of some selfish acts like backstabbing friends in a reputable Uni, I felt kinda glad that i am in SMU actually. I don't believe in being selfish to friends. Cause one day, i may jolly well need their help.
Anyway, to Mr Stereotype, prolly one day, someone might just prove you wrong about poly-grads alright.
|7:21 PM|
To dearest hamsteroo,
That was a suicidal-dive off my palm. You hit your foot in the midst of the dive and landed on the floor. Having a really tiny body, that dive can relatively be compared to an adult jumping off a 4 storey-building.
You laid on the floor, motionless. That look on your face eerily resembles your late ah-gong who passed away few months back. Now, that got me extremely worried k. I started shaking your body gently. You refused to move.
And then, i saw a slight movement in your toes. You looked like you're in pain. I thought that dive might have crippled you. Seriously, i was guilt-stricken. Dad came to check on you. You stubbornly refused to get up. Ya, you were smart. But we ain't stupid. Dad placed your favourite gua chi-s near your mouth.
Almost immediately, you came back to life and gobble down all the food. Duh. Feigning death all along hur. Prolly you were in shock. But next time, don't ever do that again k. Cause you won't be the one getting a heart attack, your lovely owner would.
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Went to Jazz @South Bridge last night. I think that place is simply fabulous. Except that they played modern jazz. I prefer oldies jazz tho ; Songs by Nat King Cole, Julie London, Wayne Newton. But i aint satisfied. I wanna dance. Nuff said.
School is still rather busy. Leaving me with a very much zilch social life. I am actually waiting for people to ask me out. Simply too lazy and tired to organize outings. My life includes mugging throughout the week. And surprisingly, i am still able to find time to procrastinate. This is stupid. The study is full of clutter. Managed to find my poly notes which i hope, will be of help to my modules in school. Poly notes were better. More pictures. (:
Well, been blog-hopping recently. And yes, i am aware of comments, both nasty and positive, being posted on friends' blogs. As mentioned before, a public blog is always subjected to public scrutiny. From friends and annoymous individuals. Whatever you write, you have to take responsibility for the consequences. It is as simple as that. And i do know i can't please the crowd. In fact, no one can. To me, i do take comments seriously. To reflect and sometimes, repent.
That was a suicidal-dive off my palm. You hit your foot in the midst of the dive and landed on the floor. Having a really tiny body, that dive can relatively be compared to an adult jumping off a 4 storey-building.
You laid on the floor, motionless. That look on your face eerily resembles your late ah-gong who passed away few months back. Now, that got me extremely worried k. I started shaking your body gently. You refused to move.
And then, i saw a slight movement in your toes. You looked like you're in pain. I thought that dive might have crippled you. Seriously, i was guilt-stricken. Dad came to check on you. You stubbornly refused to get up. Ya, you were smart. But we ain't stupid. Dad placed your favourite gua chi-s near your mouth.
Almost immediately, you came back to life and gobble down all the food. Duh. Feigning death all along hur. Prolly you were in shock. But next time, don't ever do that again k. Cause you won't be the one getting a heart attack, your lovely owner would.
------------
Went to Jazz @South Bridge last night. I think that place is simply fabulous. Except that they played modern jazz. I prefer oldies jazz tho ; Songs by Nat King Cole, Julie London, Wayne Newton. But i aint satisfied. I wanna dance. Nuff said.
School is still rather busy. Leaving me with a very much zilch social life. I am actually waiting for people to ask me out. Simply too lazy and tired to organize outings. My life includes mugging throughout the week. And surprisingly, i am still able to find time to procrastinate. This is stupid. The study is full of clutter. Managed to find my poly notes which i hope, will be of help to my modules in school. Poly notes were better. More pictures. (:
Well, been blog-hopping recently. And yes, i am aware of comments, both nasty and positive, being posted on friends' blogs. As mentioned before, a public blog is always subjected to public scrutiny. From friends and annoymous individuals. Whatever you write, you have to take responsibility for the consequences. It is as simple as that. And i do know i can't please the crowd. In fact, no one can. To me, i do take comments seriously. To reflect and sometimes, repent.
|5:40 PM|