Retailiation to Copycat Carol
I don't simply accuse anyone when they didn't do anything wrong.
Close friends from NP BIT can vouch for that.
And if i did left any comment,
i'ii jolly well put my name down.
Since it was anonymously tagged,
prolly someone just didn't like you very much.
I don't have to do any background research.
I trusted what i saw.
I meant what i said.
I meant what i wrote.
And i won't delete what i wrote previously. Period.
Those were facts.
Nuff said.
Close friends from NP BIT can vouch for that.
And if i did left any comment,
i'ii jolly well put my name down.
Since it was anonymously tagged,
prolly someone just didn't like you very much.
I don't have to do any background research.
I trusted what i saw.
I meant what i said.
I meant what i wrote.
And i won't delete what i wrote previously. Period.
Those were facts.
Nuff said.
|11:51 PM|
CopyCat Carol
Iam now not in my cranky mood as i add on to today's entry.
A certain lass has copied my blog template.
As mentioned, if you had ask me for my permission,
I would have gladly let you copy.
This is the basic courtesy. Iam not selfish.
Y'see, i created this template from scratch.
And this template is suppose to pay a tribute to my besties.
Yes, iam enraged.
Ps: And please don't say that you created this skin from scratch. Effort is definitely not yours lady.
A certain lass has copied my blog template.
As mentioned, if you had ask me for my permission,
I would have gladly let you copy.
This is the basic courtesy. Iam not selfish.
Y'see, i created this template from scratch.
And this template is suppose to pay a tribute to my besties.
Yes, iam enraged.
Ps: And please don't say that you created this skin from scratch. Effort is definitely not yours lady.
|11:34 PM|
cranky bitch blogging in progress. Life is brutal.
"i really don't know how you manage to stand all that?" Supposingly, that sentence refers to my endurance during this period of Alvin's absence. To be honest, i don't know how it happen, i don't know why it happen and i don't know when it happen. Y'know, at many times, life doesn't give you much choices to choose from. Take me for example. He has to leave for an overseas assignment. It can last for weeks and months, or in my case, 1 month. Minimal contact. And if he really contacts me, the chat will last only 5 mins. Afterwhich, he poof again. To all couple friends out there, iam pretty sure 5mins is never enough but, i can only be contented with the fact that, at least he called.
So am i given a choice when he leaves? Hell yes, i DO have a choice! My options consist of
1) leaving him and getting someone else who will give me my well-deserved attention
or
2) staying by his side.
Of which i chose the latter of course. Y'see, environment changes you. Sadly, the reverse is not possible. People just can't change the environment. I know iam just 21. But really, time passed way too fast. If you don't catch up, you'ii just get left behind. That is our society. Brutal. Inhuman. To some extent, it's cannabalism. As what people calls it, the 'dog-eat-dog' world. Very unfortunately, some of these scenes were sometimes portrayed in uni. School life ain't that innocent and carefree anymore. Maybe not for uni at least. Believe me, constant reality checks will ensure you that life is no fairytale. Anyway, iam still gonna keep school life as it is. Free from hypocrisy and bad-stabbing.
Remember the period of time where i underwent tremendous stress and constantly getting the swings? I felt really low. Incompetent. Worthless. As the summer started, i was beginning to reflect. And when he left, i reflected even more. Yes, i gained back my confidence. But that's not the pressing issue actually. I felt that i am gaining back my confidence in such an increasing speed that it's becoming scary. Iam suddenly not afraid anymore. In fact, i fear of having the capability of becoming a player. Which, in my opinion, is really frightening. I became more aware. Alert and intuitive.
Seriously, i think this change is gonna surprise him when he gets back. Sigh. Iam becoming weird. As in, i want to remain strong for him. And to stay off trouble when he ain't around. He definitely won't be feeling good if something happens to me when he's abroad. The worst part is that iam not even within his reach when i crumble. Well, i just don't want him to feel any sense of guilt towards me.
We all have priorities in our lives. And to be honest, iam No.3 on his list. Job and family took the first two positions respectively. Iam different. Family first. Followed by him and studies. Y'see, he is my motivating tool. Iam confident of juggling well with school and him. Just like poly times. Anw, No.3 or not, i still love him dearly. Prolly the only guy ever to make me change so much for. I mean, it was good. I emerged a much stronger and mature person than before. The route ahead of this relationship is misty. Every relationship is. Whatever it is, we are both working our way through no matter what.
Okay, as usual, the cranky bitch has just came and went.
So am i given a choice when he leaves? Hell yes, i DO have a choice! My options consist of
1) leaving him and getting someone else who will give me my well-deserved attention
or
2) staying by his side.
Of which i chose the latter of course. Y'see, environment changes you. Sadly, the reverse is not possible. People just can't change the environment. I know iam just 21. But really, time passed way too fast. If you don't catch up, you'ii just get left behind. That is our society. Brutal. Inhuman. To some extent, it's cannabalism. As what people calls it, the 'dog-eat-dog' world. Very unfortunately, some of these scenes were sometimes portrayed in uni. School life ain't that innocent and carefree anymore. Maybe not for uni at least. Believe me, constant reality checks will ensure you that life is no fairytale. Anyway, iam still gonna keep school life as it is. Free from hypocrisy and bad-stabbing.
Remember the period of time where i underwent tremendous stress and constantly getting the swings? I felt really low. Incompetent. Worthless. As the summer started, i was beginning to reflect. And when he left, i reflected even more. Yes, i gained back my confidence. But that's not the pressing issue actually. I felt that i am gaining back my confidence in such an increasing speed that it's becoming scary. Iam suddenly not afraid anymore. In fact, i fear of having the capability of becoming a player. Which, in my opinion, is really frightening. I became more aware. Alert and intuitive.
Seriously, i think this change is gonna surprise him when he gets back. Sigh. Iam becoming weird. As in, i want to remain strong for him. And to stay off trouble when he ain't around. He definitely won't be feeling good if something happens to me when he's abroad. The worst part is that iam not even within his reach when i crumble. Well, i just don't want him to feel any sense of guilt towards me.
We all have priorities in our lives. And to be honest, iam No.3 on his list. Job and family took the first two positions respectively. Iam different. Family first. Followed by him and studies. Y'see, he is my motivating tool. Iam confident of juggling well with school and him. Just like poly times. Anw, No.3 or not, i still love him dearly. Prolly the only guy ever to make me change so much for. I mean, it was good. I emerged a much stronger and mature person than before. The route ahead of this relationship is misty. Every relationship is. Whatever it is, we are both working our way through no matter what.
Okay, as usual, the cranky bitch has just came and went.
|1:04 AM|
Quiz requested by serene baby
As requested by dearest ling,
What were you doing in secondary school? (note: if friends have noticed, i seldom talk about my sec school life. I hated school back then.)
- was still quite active in sports. (not tennis) Participated in the inter-class swimming competition. Competiting in my pet event - Freestyle. Failed to clinch the 3rd position cause Fiona, my opponent, swam a few secs faster. I burst out crying on hearing my close brush with bronze medal. Anyway, we came in second for group relay. So not too bad (:
- Actively engaging in IRC chats and having two cyber boyfriends. Naive. Really naive.
- I hated secondary school. Had poor results and, I was a mushroomed-hair baba convent girl. I wasn't plump. Just that, too much baby fats don't do my pictures justice y'know. There were friendship problems too with Mel and gang. Guess the only thing that kept me going was my cca, "Angklung".
- In Sec3, i upgraded to playing the Bass Kulintang. The Bass is the biggest Kulintang in Angklung. Believe it or not, it looked like a lifesize coffin. And the Angklung toilet spooked me out. Students always tell me that that toilet was haunted. "Convent girls" and "nuns" were constantly sighted in the past. Wonder if it's true.
- I was promoted to Vice-President of Angklung and Vice-Chairman of my class. Training the upper sec for SYF was hell. Y'know, older students were seemingly more rebellious and talkative. My president was smart. She took the lower sec. Y'know, it was freakin' difficult to train. Loud voices, conversations and angklung music certainly don't go hand in hand. I was too nice. Really. Don't ever test my patience. Cause those angklung lasses had me shouting at them. It is funny now that i thought of it. The whole room became quiet as i commanded them "all of you jolly well memorise your music score when i get back. Don't say i didn't warn you." Okay, that was my exact sentence before i left that Angklung room. Perks of being a Vice and consequences of testing my patience (:
- Life during my sec school days were struggling. Mom was the only breadwinner. Sis was still studying at TP. That was why i became frugal. I seldom eat full meals. Lunch was always maggi mee or fried bee hoon. It was cheap y'see.
- Friendship problems with mel and gang. Don't wanna talk about it. It's the past already. We are doing fine now (:
> 5 things you would do if you were a millionaire.
- share with my family.
- invest in my/his business.
- build an animal shelter for the strays.
- buy property.
- get my Mitsubishi or Mazda
> 5 bad habits.
- crack my fingers.
- like to sleep alot
- untidy table
- easily frustrated (mostly during Uni days)
- extreme behaviour.
> 5 things you like doing.
- anything with him
- hanging out with my lasses and dudes.
- freestyle dancing.
- writing diary
- star gazing!*****
add one more: Travelling.
> 5 things you'd never wear, buy or get.
- tacky clothes
- stuff toy for myself (i have never like those)
- Parsley
- Chivas
- Tequilla
> 5 favourite things.
- his sea-shell candle wax
- that tortoise key-chain
- lingerie
- my diary
- my photo collection with him
.5 people to do this.
nada, it's up to you all tho. No obligations.
What were you doing in secondary school? (note: if friends have noticed, i seldom talk about my sec school life. I hated school back then.)
- was still quite active in sports. (not tennis) Participated in the inter-class swimming competition. Competiting in my pet event - Freestyle. Failed to clinch the 3rd position cause Fiona, my opponent, swam a few secs faster. I burst out crying on hearing my close brush with bronze medal. Anyway, we came in second for group relay. So not too bad (:
- Actively engaging in IRC chats and having two cyber boyfriends. Naive. Really naive.
- I hated secondary school. Had poor results and, I was a mushroomed-hair baba convent girl. I wasn't plump. Just that, too much baby fats don't do my pictures justice y'know. There were friendship problems too with Mel and gang. Guess the only thing that kept me going was my cca, "Angklung".
- In Sec3, i upgraded to playing the Bass Kulintang. The Bass is the biggest Kulintang in Angklung. Believe it or not, it looked like a lifesize coffin. And the Angklung toilet spooked me out. Students always tell me that that toilet was haunted. "Convent girls" and "nuns" were constantly sighted in the past. Wonder if it's true.
- I was promoted to Vice-President of Angklung and Vice-Chairman of my class. Training the upper sec for SYF was hell. Y'know, older students were seemingly more rebellious and talkative. My president was smart. She took the lower sec. Y'know, it was freakin' difficult to train. Loud voices, conversations and angklung music certainly don't go hand in hand. I was too nice. Really. Don't ever test my patience. Cause those angklung lasses had me shouting at them. It is funny now that i thought of it. The whole room became quiet as i commanded them "all of you jolly well memorise your music score when i get back. Don't say i didn't warn you." Okay, that was my exact sentence before i left that Angklung room. Perks of being a Vice and consequences of testing my patience (:
- Life during my sec school days were struggling. Mom was the only breadwinner. Sis was still studying at TP. That was why i became frugal. I seldom eat full meals. Lunch was always maggi mee or fried bee hoon. It was cheap y'see.
- Friendship problems with mel and gang. Don't wanna talk about it. It's the past already. We are doing fine now (:
> 5 things you would do if you were a millionaire.
- share with my family.
- invest in my/his business.
- build an animal shelter for the strays.
- buy property.
- get my Mitsubishi or Mazda
> 5 bad habits.
- crack my fingers.
- like to sleep alot
- untidy table
- easily frustrated (mostly during Uni days)
- extreme behaviour.
> 5 things you like doing.
- anything with him
- hanging out with my lasses and dudes.
- freestyle dancing.
- writing diary
- star gazing!*****
add one more: Travelling.
> 5 things you'd never wear, buy or get.
- tacky clothes
- stuff toy for myself (i have never like those)
- Parsley
- Chivas
- Tequilla
> 5 favourite things.
- his sea-shell candle wax
- that tortoise key-chain
- lingerie
- my diary
- my photo collection with him
.5 people to do this.
nada, it's up to you all tho. No obligations.
|11:29 AM|
he called!
He called.
He finally called! (: (: (:
But he wont be back so soon. Prolly delay for 10 more days.
He finally called! (: (: (:
But he wont be back so soon. Prolly delay for 10 more days.
|10:58 AM|
Peurto Rico
When i say i "weeped in my heart", i don't literally meant it as real crying. It simply means i felt extremely upset. (: But i do agree, my entries ain't that legible to all readers. Cause mainly, i blog my feelings and stuff that prolly only myself can comprehend. I remember blogging one entry months back, stating that "........i feel like crying, but i controlled." Many friends thought that i actually weeped on ALL occasions. (:
Anyway, i really appreciate YJ and Wendy's concern. Together with Wei Xin, we met up and headed to Settlers Cafe at Clark Quay. I thought they might be heading to club or something. But i certainly cant dance in my sprained foot. yes, i sprained it while jogging yesterday. Iam sucha' clumsy ox. darn.
Settlers Cafe has a great variety of boardgames and Wei Xin chosen 'Puerto Rico'. Seriously, i cant remember the name though. It was a strategy game and really, i was having a hard time catching up with the waitress's explanation. y'know, not many girls are that into strategy-games. But, gimme a game of Scrabbles and i'ii certainly give you a tough time. (:
Actually, it wasn't the game that made the night. It was the jokes, the laughter and the fun that completed the whole outing. The guys were practically snoozing. They were turning zombic while Wendy and i were pretty much awake. The night ended with WX driving Wendy and YJ to Woodlands. And i realised that Wendy is staying only 10 blocks aways from Alvin. The world is so small isn't it? (: And of course, i was silently praying that both of us won't end up at Woodlands Checkpoint or the Krangi Turf club as WX send me home. Haha.
I hope i can recover quickly. Wanna resume my running again. ):
Anyway, i really appreciate YJ and Wendy's concern. Together with Wei Xin, we met up and headed to Settlers Cafe at Clark Quay. I thought they might be heading to club or something. But i certainly cant dance in my sprained foot. yes, i sprained it while jogging yesterday. Iam sucha' clumsy ox. darn.
Settlers Cafe has a great variety of boardgames and Wei Xin chosen 'Puerto Rico'. Seriously, i cant remember the name though. It was a strategy game and really, i was having a hard time catching up with the waitress's explanation. y'know, not many girls are that into strategy-games. But, gimme a game of Scrabbles and i'ii certainly give you a tough time. (:
Actually, it wasn't the game that made the night. It was the jokes, the laughter and the fun that completed the whole outing. The guys were practically snoozing. They were turning zombic while Wendy and i were pretty much awake. The night ended with WX driving Wendy and YJ to Woodlands. And i realised that Wendy is staying only 10 blocks aways from Alvin. The world is so small isn't it? (: And of course, i was silently praying that both of us won't end up at Woodlands Checkpoint or the Krangi Turf club as WX send me home. Haha.
I hope i can recover quickly. Wanna resume my running again. ):
|1:37 PM|
Missing him. Working at Vietnam
Each night, i pray.
Praying for your safety.
And nothing else.
Yes, imissyou. But work takes priority in your life.
I understand. I totally understand.
I last heard from you on the 5 May 1.19pm.
Since then, my phone hadn't ring or beep.
You told me that you were heading to the rig.
I know what that means.
You will be far away from the civilised world.
No more contact. Nothing.
I don't know and won't imagine anyone to understand my position.
Prolly Eileen might?
That night of 5 April, i weeped in my heart.
I thought of our past.
Yesterday, i saw Orion.
My favourite 3 stars, neatly lined up in the sky.
And i wonder, are you seeing em' too?
I believe the Vietnam sea will give a better view.
Orion reminded me of you.
It was those stars that made our Bedok Jetty dates so memorable.
That time, i was falling in love. With the stars that is (:
And began reading up on star constellations.
Tonight, i look at the sky again.
Silently praying for your return 'in one piece'.
No accidents like an injuried foot.
No hundred tiny cuts on your palm.
No jelly fish stings.
No body contact with the barnacles,
which had you scrubbing your body like hell for two days.
Praying for your safety.
And nothing else.
Yes, imissyou. But work takes priority in your life.
I understand. I totally understand.
I last heard from you on the 5 May 1.19pm.
Since then, my phone hadn't ring or beep.
You told me that you were heading to the rig.
I know what that means.
You will be far away from the civilised world.
No more contact. Nothing.
I don't know and won't imagine anyone to understand my position.
Prolly Eileen might?
That night of 5 April, i weeped in my heart.
I thought of our past.
Yesterday, i saw Orion.
My favourite 3 stars, neatly lined up in the sky.
And i wonder, are you seeing em' too?
I believe the Vietnam sea will give a better view.
Orion reminded me of you.
It was those stars that made our Bedok Jetty dates so memorable.
That time, i was falling in love. With the stars that is (:
And began reading up on star constellations.
Tonight, i look at the sky again.
Silently praying for your return 'in one piece'.
No accidents like an injuried foot.
No hundred tiny cuts on your palm.
No jelly fish stings.
No body contact with the barnacles,
which had you scrubbing your body like hell for two days.
No more cuts on our left index fingers (:
come back soon, yes?
come back soon, yes?
|10:20 PM|
Leaving for vietnam and our little adventure at Bukit Timah Hill
I gave him a hug at the entrance of the departure hall. My eyes stayed glued. As he walked through the counter, he gave a final wave and slowly, he disappeared into the midst of departuring crowd. I controlled and yes, no tears were shed. But the emotions were overwhelming me. I was suddenly being thrown back to the night of 17th March. The night when my last bestie left for Aussie. I cried at BK but there was him, consoling me and lending me his shoulders to lean on.
This time, i was all alone.
I don't wanna cry. I told myself not to. Took a walk at the airport and to the viewing mall. Most part of the viewing mall is currently under construction. I have no idea if that was his plane i was looking at. I was praying hard. Hoping that his plane was not situated at the restricted part of the viewing mall. There were two SQs and one M'sia airline. Waited till 3.05pm when an SQ started reversing. I was pretty sure that was his flight. It was barely 10mins when the plane took off. By then, reality hit me that he was no longer in Singapore.
Pacing down the walkway of Changi Airport viewing mall, i took a quick glance at the glass panels and thought of the past. On the day that cindy left, Mel was filming some clips with her cameo. There was this clip where she was filming into the glass panels. And everyone shadows were captured in the clip. I remembered everyone being in high spirits. The sound of our slippers echoed in the hallway as we walked to the viewing mall.
Now as i looked into that same glass panels again, those silhouettes that i saw on that day slowly vanishes. And really, i miss everyone, especially him.
; lunch at Mac
We were so deprived of sleep and food.
; His airplane to Saigon. SQ178
On Labour Day, we went up Bukit Timah Hill. It was simply fabulous. The mid-morning walk was humid. But the heat and sweat meant nothing to us as we were dressed comfortably in our running gear. The slopes were pretty steep and he challenged me to run upslope. I was, of course, breathless by the time i ran mid-way. But that dude was able to go on. What can i say? Racing against a runner from the Navy Elite team is Mission Impossible.
We reached the summit pretty quickly. Nothing facinating actually. To leave the summit, there were two ways. One, walk down the slope. Two, walk down the steep stairs. We tried the stairs. It was my virgin experience walking these stairs and seriously, my fear and anxiety had rendered me really helpless. I held his hand tightly for fear of losing balance. And really, given that i have flat foot, i wonder how i survived gymnastics last time.
I was curious about the terrains at the Hill. He mentioned that the navy divers used to train in the terrains. Supposedly filled with mud, water, mosquitoes, webs and huge boulders. I didnt bother much about this. We chose "Catchment Path" and the route was extremely slippery. We walked deeper and deeper into the terrain until we lost sight of the entrance where we came in from. Time seemed to pass real slowly as i struggle to keep myself balance. Yknow, it was kind of frightening as one slip can cause me to roll down the forest. The rocks were algae-infested by the way. That moment, i realise that we were all alone in the terrain. No one else.
He held me even tightly as on two occasions, i slipped a little. "Catchment Path" supposed to lead us OUT of Bukit Timah Hill but guess what, we came to a dead end. Yes, we were sort of lost. Anyway, he refused to walk further as lying ahead of me were huge boulders filled with algae and water. Sorry, i just dont want to die as yet. We made a reverse and fortunately, we got out of that terrain. I made the decision to walk down through the main road. At least, it seemed safer (:
; After our little "adventure"
A little shoutout to Melissa Ooi. Sorry. My post is kind of delayed.
Happy Belated 21st girl!
This time, i was all alone.
I don't wanna cry. I told myself not to. Took a walk at the airport and to the viewing mall. Most part of the viewing mall is currently under construction. I have no idea if that was his plane i was looking at. I was praying hard. Hoping that his plane was not situated at the restricted part of the viewing mall. There were two SQs and one M'sia airline. Waited till 3.05pm when an SQ started reversing. I was pretty sure that was his flight. It was barely 10mins when the plane took off. By then, reality hit me that he was no longer in Singapore.
Pacing down the walkway of Changi Airport viewing mall, i took a quick glance at the glass panels and thought of the past. On the day that cindy left, Mel was filming some clips with her cameo. There was this clip where she was filming into the glass panels. And everyone shadows were captured in the clip. I remembered everyone being in high spirits. The sound of our slippers echoed in the hallway as we walked to the viewing mall.
Now as i looked into that same glass panels again, those silhouettes that i saw on that day slowly vanishes. And really, i miss everyone, especially him.
; lunch at Mac
We were so deprived of sleep and food.
; His airplane to Saigon. SQ178
On Labour Day, we went up Bukit Timah Hill. It was simply fabulous. The mid-morning walk was humid. But the heat and sweat meant nothing to us as we were dressed comfortably in our running gear. The slopes were pretty steep and he challenged me to run upslope. I was, of course, breathless by the time i ran mid-way. But that dude was able to go on. What can i say? Racing against a runner from the Navy Elite team is Mission Impossible.
We reached the summit pretty quickly. Nothing facinating actually. To leave the summit, there were two ways. One, walk down the slope. Two, walk down the steep stairs. We tried the stairs. It was my virgin experience walking these stairs and seriously, my fear and anxiety had rendered me really helpless. I held his hand tightly for fear of losing balance. And really, given that i have flat foot, i wonder how i survived gymnastics last time.
I was curious about the terrains at the Hill. He mentioned that the navy divers used to train in the terrains. Supposedly filled with mud, water, mosquitoes, webs and huge boulders. I didnt bother much about this. We chose "Catchment Path" and the route was extremely slippery. We walked deeper and deeper into the terrain until we lost sight of the entrance where we came in from. Time seemed to pass real slowly as i struggle to keep myself balance. Yknow, it was kind of frightening as one slip can cause me to roll down the forest. The rocks were algae-infested by the way. That moment, i realise that we were all alone in the terrain. No one else.
He held me even tightly as on two occasions, i slipped a little. "Catchment Path" supposed to lead us OUT of Bukit Timah Hill but guess what, we came to a dead end. Yes, we were sort of lost. Anyway, he refused to walk further as lying ahead of me were huge boulders filled with algae and water. Sorry, i just dont want to die as yet. We made a reverse and fortunately, we got out of that terrain. I made the decision to walk down through the main road. At least, it seemed safer (:
; After our little "adventure"
A little shoutout to Melissa Ooi. Sorry. My post is kind of delayed.
Happy Belated 21st girl!
|9:20 PM|