Tribute to sis, farewell to my tortoise
In times of joy,
She was there to share it with me.
In times of saddness,
She lended me her shoulders to lean on.
In times of frustrations,
She lended me her ears.
In the year of 2006, i have experience tremendous happiness, as well as many setbacks.
When i was alone at Singapore River,
She came, despite having tons of projects in her hands.
She rather lose her sleep and energy, than to lose her sister.
I felt so blessed.
I knew i had to do something for you.
That's why on your birthday, i intend to make it a memorable one.
Wasn't intending to divulge any clues for you during that present hunt.
Haha. But seeing you searching so frantically for your presents just makes me laugh.
The last present was with your favourite Ah Beng.
He wanted to sabo you before giving you your ang pao.
But i guess, your innocent face soften our hearts.
See, your mashimarow face works all the time. (:
iknow this is rather belated.
But i do hope you had a great 25th Birthday sis (:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He has left for Mexico on tues. The whole diving stint shall last >2months and yes, he will definitely miss my 21st birthday ): Rather upsetting but iknow i still have my babes with me tho. To my three lasses, are we gonna agree on a retro theme?? Hahaha. Anyway, it'ii prolly be just the four of us + sis dressing retro. Let's all malu together at Pan Pac. Hahahaha.
During that three weeks when he was back in Singapore, there were a couple of issues that we came across in our relationship. Acceptance. Maturity. Sensitivity. Chemistry.
I spoke to sis this afternoon. She asked if i thought she had high expectations on her potential significant other. I really don't know. Yes, looks matter and that, she don't deny. To put it simply, chemistry and having a sense of humour are what she is looking for. Initially, she mentioned 'understanding'. A couple of my friends cited 'understanding' as one of their criteria too. But really, how do you actually define 'understanding'?
Eg.
Keep away when you're busy at work?
Be there for you when you're finally free to date?
Work commitments?
Tolerating your temper when you're frustrated with work?
I played a major role in being an understanding gf when he goes diving. And that 'understanding' factor comes in only AFTER we became a couple. So really, how understanding can one get before a relationship? And during honeymoon, everything seems flawless.
I do agree with sis that chemistry plays a very important factor. Seriously, i havent seen many couples with that 'chemistry-factor'. Sensitivity and acceptance can be slowly adapt as the relationship progress. Not chemistry. It's either you have it, or you don't.
He ever told me that i put in too much feelings when we chat. I used words to express myself. My feelings. People always say writing diaries improves your language. Sad to say it didn't happened in my case. However, 10 years of writing has enable me to express myself much better than other people. And to me, i personally think, that is one of my strength.
"To accept you for who you are." Yes, that should be the way in relationships. But yknow, total acceptance stagnant the relations. Only improvements create progression, and that has always been the philosophy we share. Yes, these few months have been tough as i struggle to improve my flaws, as well as to accept his character. He was able to adapt faster than i do. Seriously, relationship ain't easy but it beats being single (:
Maturity. What attracted this 28 years old man was my character and my maturity. Sometimes, i do feel, stuck? It's like, when iam with my peers, iam mature for em'. And when iam with older adults, iam still a kid in their eyes. It's sometimes exasperating to know that your words just 'dont carry weight'. Cause in adults' eyes, "They are just kids. What do they know?" And really, adult or no adult, i deserve to be heard.
Okay, the entry aint structured. I just typed whatever that comes into my mind. Pardon me.
; Conrad Suite. Elaine's ROM. And a failed attempt to steal that duck.
; Dinner at Esplanade BakersInn. I love this mashimarrow.
; He aint resting his hands on my boobs alright. Yknow, he reminds me of those dudes at NewUrbanMale. And no, he is of course straight. But he got rather paranoid when 'someone' just can't take his eyes off him at the citylink branch (:
; Sometimes, you really 'irritate' (and imeant it in a light-hearted way) the hell outta me. Then you'ii walk away soooo quickly that iam left standing in front of strangers who had witnessed that embarrassing act.
But, istill miss your bugging can?
She was there to share it with me.
In times of saddness,
She lended me her shoulders to lean on.
In times of frustrations,
She lended me her ears.
In the year of 2006, i have experience tremendous happiness, as well as many setbacks.
When i was alone at Singapore River,
She came, despite having tons of projects in her hands.
She rather lose her sleep and energy, than to lose her sister.
I felt so blessed.
I knew i had to do something for you.
That's why on your birthday, i intend to make it a memorable one.
Wasn't intending to divulge any clues for you during that present hunt.
Haha. But seeing you searching so frantically for your presents just makes me laugh.
The last present was with your favourite Ah Beng.
He wanted to sabo you before giving you your ang pao.
But i guess, your innocent face soften our hearts.
See, your mashimarow face works all the time. (:
iknow this is rather belated.
But i do hope you had a great 25th Birthday sis (:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He has left for Mexico on tues. The whole diving stint shall last >2months and yes, he will definitely miss my 21st birthday ): Rather upsetting but iknow i still have my babes with me tho. To my three lasses, are we gonna agree on a retro theme?? Hahaha. Anyway, it'ii prolly be just the four of us + sis dressing retro. Let's all malu together at Pan Pac. Hahahaha.
During that three weeks when he was back in Singapore, there were a couple of issues that we came across in our relationship. Acceptance. Maturity. Sensitivity. Chemistry.
I spoke to sis this afternoon. She asked if i thought she had high expectations on her potential significant other. I really don't know. Yes, looks matter and that, she don't deny. To put it simply, chemistry and having a sense of humour are what she is looking for. Initially, she mentioned 'understanding'. A couple of my friends cited 'understanding' as one of their criteria too. But really, how do you actually define 'understanding'?
Eg.
Keep away when you're busy at work?
Be there for you when you're finally free to date?
Work commitments?
Tolerating your temper when you're frustrated with work?
I played a major role in being an understanding gf when he goes diving. And that 'understanding' factor comes in only AFTER we became a couple. So really, how understanding can one get before a relationship? And during honeymoon, everything seems flawless.
I do agree with sis that chemistry plays a very important factor. Seriously, i havent seen many couples with that 'chemistry-factor'. Sensitivity and acceptance can be slowly adapt as the relationship progress. Not chemistry. It's either you have it, or you don't.
He ever told me that i put in too much feelings when we chat. I used words to express myself. My feelings. People always say writing diaries improves your language. Sad to say it didn't happened in my case. However, 10 years of writing has enable me to express myself much better than other people. And to me, i personally think, that is one of my strength.
"To accept you for who you are." Yes, that should be the way in relationships. But yknow, total acceptance stagnant the relations. Only improvements create progression, and that has always been the philosophy we share. Yes, these few months have been tough as i struggle to improve my flaws, as well as to accept his character. He was able to adapt faster than i do. Seriously, relationship ain't easy but it beats being single (:
Maturity. What attracted this 28 years old man was my character and my maturity. Sometimes, i do feel, stuck? It's like, when iam with my peers, iam mature for em'. And when iam with older adults, iam still a kid in their eyes. It's sometimes exasperating to know that your words just 'dont carry weight'. Cause in adults' eyes, "They are just kids. What do they know?" And really, adult or no adult, i deserve to be heard.
Okay, the entry aint structured. I just typed whatever that comes into my mind. Pardon me.
; Conrad Suite. Elaine's ROM. And a failed attempt to steal that duck.
; Dinner at Esplanade BakersInn. I love this mashimarrow.
; He aint resting his hands on my boobs alright. Yknow, he reminds me of those dudes at NewUrbanMale. And no, he is of course straight. But he got rather paranoid when 'someone' just can't take his eyes off him at the citylink branch (:
; Sometimes, you really 'irritate' (and imeant it in a light-hearted way) the hell outta me. Then you'ii walk away soooo quickly that iam left standing in front of strangers who had witnessed that embarrassing act.
But, istill miss your bugging can?
Counting down: 86 days
Come back and bug me Mister Cheong (:
Come back and bug me Mister Cheong (:
|9:00 PM|
life
My entries reflected the meaning of life. Seriously, i haven't realise that from a third-party's point of view. Ya, what was i thinking? I blogged about happiness, sadness, disappointment, anger. All these are general feelings of people towards life.
Something happened few weeks back and i was badly affected by it. To be honest, never and i really mean, never in my entire life have i felt like that. And as a result, i lost it. My usual composed-self was lost. I looked fine on the surface. But internally, my mind was in turmoil. All i wanted was time alone. I wanted to be alone. And there i was, back at Singapore River. It has been a year since i last went there. Yes, whenever i am troubled, Singapore River is where you can find me.
To be honest, sitting there for hours doesnt help me to solve my problems. But sitting by the river side brings this serenity and peacefulness in me. And i was somewhat, attracted to the reflection of the moonlight in the river. The current in the river made the reflection swayed. It looked like a snake slithering and really, that image caused me to be in a trance. I suddenly had this crazy thought of jumping into the river for a swim. And please, i ain't committing suicide.
A friend has mentioned before that "University shapes your character". It is so true. Iknow iam not in my best character at the moment. But at least, i have already learn to identify my weaknesses. And prolly, the next step i need to take is to solve my weaknesses. That, in my opinion, is the hardest to fulfil. Having to admit your wrongdoing and changing yourself for a better future ain't easy.
You sometimes apologise to me for not being there in my 21st. Even though that hasn't happen, but i could just sense your absence. Everyday, iam pining with zero hope. Contradicting isn't it? Iam pining but with no hope that you will be there on August 13. You kept telling me that it is something that i don't have a choice. And iam being suay for having a significant other like you. But really, do you really want me to feel this way? That it is my bad luck bumping into you? No sane person wanna feels that!
'I have no choice but to wait for you.' I kept telling myself that i do have the choice. How silly. That was a great lie. I deceived myself totally. To be honest, i really have no choice. Other than your impatience, being sucha' stubborn ox and your over-carefree life, you're my almost perfect partner. Really. What more can i ask for? And iam not even complaining about you being a workaholic.
It is funny on how i end up with guys who are working hard into their careers.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lastly, just wanna say
I am just me.
I am ashamed to say that,
i don't have a pair of beautiful eyes.
i don't have a fantastic figure.
i don't have the Dove model's silky hair.
I don't have Karen Mok's perfect legs.
All i have is my confidence,
which have been shaken by you.
All i have is me.
who have been struggling to get out of the pit.
Your hands pulled me up.
Yet, it was this very same pair of hands that let me go.
P/s: Yes, after today, let's hope this kind of entry shall never be penned again.
Something happened few weeks back and i was badly affected by it. To be honest, never and i really mean, never in my entire life have i felt like that. And as a result, i lost it. My usual composed-self was lost. I looked fine on the surface. But internally, my mind was in turmoil. All i wanted was time alone. I wanted to be alone. And there i was, back at Singapore River. It has been a year since i last went there. Yes, whenever i am troubled, Singapore River is where you can find me.
To be honest, sitting there for hours doesnt help me to solve my problems. But sitting by the river side brings this serenity and peacefulness in me. And i was somewhat, attracted to the reflection of the moonlight in the river. The current in the river made the reflection swayed. It looked like a snake slithering and really, that image caused me to be in a trance. I suddenly had this crazy thought of jumping into the river for a swim. And please, i ain't committing suicide.
A friend has mentioned before that "University shapes your character". It is so true. Iknow iam not in my best character at the moment. But at least, i have already learn to identify my weaknesses. And prolly, the next step i need to take is to solve my weaknesses. That, in my opinion, is the hardest to fulfil. Having to admit your wrongdoing and changing yourself for a better future ain't easy.
You sometimes apologise to me for not being there in my 21st. Even though that hasn't happen, but i could just sense your absence. Everyday, iam pining with zero hope. Contradicting isn't it? Iam pining but with no hope that you will be there on August 13. You kept telling me that it is something that i don't have a choice. And iam being suay for having a significant other like you. But really, do you really want me to feel this way? That it is my bad luck bumping into you? No sane person wanna feels that!
'I have no choice but to wait for you.' I kept telling myself that i do have the choice. How silly. That was a great lie. I deceived myself totally. To be honest, i really have no choice. Other than your impatience, being sucha' stubborn ox and your over-carefree life, you're my almost perfect partner. Really. What more can i ask for? And iam not even complaining about you being a workaholic.
It is funny on how i end up with guys who are working hard into their careers.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lastly, just wanna say
I am just me.
I am ashamed to say that,
i don't have a pair of beautiful eyes.
i don't have a fantastic figure.
i don't have the Dove model's silky hair.
I don't have Karen Mok's perfect legs.
All i have is my confidence,
which have been shaken by you.
All i have is me.
who have been struggling to get out of the pit.
Your hands pulled me up.
Yet, it was this very same pair of hands that let me go.
P/s: Yes, after today, let's hope this kind of entry shall never be penned again.
|11:41 PM|
thanks sis
Iam gonna keep it short and sweet.
Thanks Sis for your time, attention and advice.
As well as my dollies who were there.
I shall be back soon. As a better person
And hopefully, to start life afresh.
Thanks Sis for your time, attention and advice.
As well as my dollies who were there.
I shall be back soon. As a better person
And hopefully, to start life afresh.
|4:20 PM|
taking a hiatus
Added:
No worries babe, my reason for not blogging is definitely not the stolen blogskin issue. You already know me for almost 10 years, i not that petty right? (: That is small issue. Not worth my attention anyway. Something more serious cropped up. You'ii receive an email soon. And please, focus on your exams alright (: Study hard.
And to ling, have you realise that she has slapped herself in her face as well when she mentioned: "I hate sluts lurking at my blog uninvited." She came to my blog uninvited too. Haha.
dear all,
iam gonna stop blogging for a while.
iam tired.
iknow things happened for a reason.
But when too many things happen concurrently,
i found it hard to keep up.
iam really tired.
at many times,
i really felt like a silhouette fading into the background
while he takes center stage.
iam not giving up,
just simply have no energy to move on anymore.
|2:26 PM|