I don't need you all to understand my feelings or the situation that i have been through in these past six months.
I just need you all to understand my needs.
And all i ever ask for is,
Acceptance.
I just need you all to understand my needs.
And all i ever ask for is,
Acceptance.
|11:00 PM|
Today, at my cousin's wedding, I learn 3 new things regarding love.
(1) Forgiveness
(2) Be sensitive to each other's needs
(3) Treat each other as God would treat you
pretty inspiring words of advices. Iam taking heed, or at least try to. My last entry before i head off for my holidays. It has been a long time since i travel with my family. Sis asked me to dress less-glam. Cos she doesnt want the locals there to think we are rich -,- maybe she is afraid iii get abducted. haha.
its weird on how my mind is filled with so much stuff to do. And strangely, all these stuff are the little details that humans tend to overlook in life. It just keeps flashing non-stop in my mind. going crazy.
anyway, be getting really busy when iam back. lotsa meetups and birthday celebrations and of cos, gonna spend some well-deserving time with the boyfriend. pardon me if i start to mia. Dear friends, till we meet again, take care.
(1) Forgiveness
(2) Be sensitive to each other's needs
(3) Treat each other as God would treat you
pretty inspiring words of advices. Iam taking heed, or at least try to. My last entry before i head off for my holidays. It has been a long time since i travel with my family. Sis asked me to dress less-glam. Cos she doesnt want the locals there to think we are rich -,- maybe she is afraid iii get abducted. haha.
its weird on how my mind is filled with so much stuff to do. And strangely, all these stuff are the little details that humans tend to overlook in life. It just keeps flashing non-stop in my mind. going crazy.
anyway, be getting really busy when iam back. lotsa meetups and birthday celebrations and of cos, gonna spend some well-deserving time with the boyfriend. pardon me if i start to mia. Dear friends, till we meet again, take care.
|10:22 PM|
missing my boy
Have you ever felt your own emotions being so uncontrollable that you are at loss as to what to do?
I just felt it.
At Zouk, as well as at home.
I just feel like collapsing onto someone and weeped my heart out. During school days, my days just flew past so quickly that i could hardly catch my breath. Every minute and every second, i would be doing something. Be it project, homework, sending out emails, preparation for tests and exams. Every single moment was fully utilized. That was my way of putting aside love affairs to focus on my studies. I guess now that holidays are here, i can no longer get as busy as before. To be honest,
i really miss him.
I just felt it.
At Zouk, as well as at home.
I just feel like collapsing onto someone and weeped my heart out. During school days, my days just flew past so quickly that i could hardly catch my breath. Every minute and every second, i would be doing something. Be it project, homework, sending out emails, preparation for tests and exams. Every single moment was fully utilized. That was my way of putting aside love affairs to focus on my studies. I guess now that holidays are here, i can no longer get as busy as before. To be honest,
i really miss him.
i may not confide in friends about it or may have appear rather unaffected by his absence. Truth is, i was and still is. I just didnt show. Now i just wish, time to pass even faster. Guess i was getting impatient. But prolly people who went through this period with me will understand my anxiety.
|4:35 AM|
- Blogging in an extremely clear mind. Not on impulse.
You committing suicide years back.
I finally understood.
Those betrayal of trust from her.
I finally understood.
Those foolishness.
I finally understood.
Those anguish and hurt you went through
I finally understood.
You thought you made a close friend.
But she stab you in the back.
I finally understood.
Those moments of him choosing her over you.
I dont understand for this and probably wont. But just wanna say,
she is a f*****n bitch.
You committing suicide years back.
I finally understood.
Those betrayal of trust from her.
I finally understood.
Those foolishness.
I finally understood.
Those anguish and hurt you went through
I finally understood.
You thought you made a close friend.
But she stab you in the back.
I finally understood.
Those moments of him choosing her over you.
I dont understand for this and probably wont. But just wanna say,
she is a f*****n bitch.
|1:53 PM|
thoughts
Sometimes i wonder if i should really pen my own personal thoughts in this blog. I know only friends i know has this link and occasionally, some strangers might drop by but those were few though. Actually, i can now sense the environment changing me. I sense that transformation. And iam really afraid to see my own future. I have always been told to trust my own intuition.
Iam now at a cross road of my own character building. I can see what i will become if i were to take either road. I can see it extremely clearly. And i did mention to sis, mom, dad and the boyfriend that now, its a crucial timing for my own character developing. Yes, peer pressure and environment might play a part in shaping myself. However, i am still greatly influence by my love ones. Reason being, i trust them. I trust that they wont hurt me and will be able to guide me. Iam an extremist. If not properly guided, i can be quite a trouble-maker. I know friends might see me as being cynical. But really, iam just being honest here.
Yes, iam twenty one. But i just thought my views should be heard! Why am i being put down? Why am i being ridiculed? I deserved to be heard! It just makes me angry that my thought are being laughed at. What's wrong with hearing my opinions? What's wrong with me being twenty one? What's wrong?
I have at times being forced to build a barrier around me. This barrier prevents me from getting hurt from anything. I really meant anything. I did attempt to do that. Boy, sis said it was scary. This is because, in the midst of guarding myself, i became emotionless. I have no feelings for anything and anyone. And this is what that truly frightens me. I dont wish to behave like that.
But are you able to pull me back from this? Or rather,
Do you want to pull me back from this?
I know you feel pressurized. But life has its choices. Its a matter of whether you made the right one. Its your choice. I aint forcing. And i aint giving up. Cause i know what i want. By the way, Happy One Year. Long and eventful year we had. Don't know what the future has in stored for us. But iam certain, it wont be a bed of roses.
Iam now at a cross road of my own character building. I can see what i will become if i were to take either road. I can see it extremely clearly. And i did mention to sis, mom, dad and the boyfriend that now, its a crucial timing for my own character developing. Yes, peer pressure and environment might play a part in shaping myself. However, i am still greatly influence by my love ones. Reason being, i trust them. I trust that they wont hurt me and will be able to guide me. Iam an extremist. If not properly guided, i can be quite a trouble-maker. I know friends might see me as being cynical. But really, iam just being honest here.
Yes, iam twenty one. But i just thought my views should be heard! Why am i being put down? Why am i being ridiculed? I deserved to be heard! It just makes me angry that my thought are being laughed at. What's wrong with hearing my opinions? What's wrong with me being twenty one? What's wrong?
I have at times being forced to build a barrier around me. This barrier prevents me from getting hurt from anything. I really meant anything. I did attempt to do that. Boy, sis said it was scary. This is because, in the midst of guarding myself, i became emotionless. I have no feelings for anything and anyone. And this is what that truly frightens me. I dont wish to behave like that.
But are you able to pull me back from this? Or rather,
Do you want to pull me back from this?
I know you feel pressurized. But life has its choices. Its a matter of whether you made the right one. Its your choice. I aint forcing. And i aint giving up. Cause i know what i want. By the way, Happy One Year. Long and eventful year we had. Don't know what the future has in stored for us. But iam certain, it wont be a bed of roses.
|11:16 AM|