Life to me, is like a threater. It just dawned on me that i have always been the leading actress of my own stage. Like a prima donna, i call the shots on what scenes to be act daily. And it seems like, mind has been skewed towards being melancholic again. Since school started, i have been out of sorts every single day.
The more optimistic i stay, the more challenges i faced. How contradicting life can be. To be frank, iam in no mood to hang out at the moment. Even if i need to sort out my thoughts, iii prolly be alone at somewhere quiet. Girlfriend suddenly came up to me and asked if i was alright. And really, that took me by surprise. She related that, i seemed moody these few days at school. I wish to say more but i knew i couldnt. To me, relating my stories again brings much pain and misery.
I have been through that. And i dont want to go through em' again.
I think, the only issue that i can control is my health. Been trying to nurse myself back to health so that, i can fully focus on my studies. Dont wish for late nights and all those stress to take a further toil in my already weak constitution.
Coming next month, iam gonna make one major decision and this prolly gonna get many to chide at me for being unfilial. But i know, i have to make the right decision. This whole affair has been going ridiculously wrong. And someone just have to stop it. Why has this many years of rivalry between you guys affecting us? Yes i know, we are not financially rich. Yes i know, my dad ain't working due to his disability. Yes i know, we have been through poly. And yes i also know, i manage to get to the local uni. I proved your prediction of 'poly students cant make it to uni' wrong. To be honest, up till today, iii never forget the look on mom's face when i told her that i qualified for local uni. She was so close to tearing.
Seriously, do we have anything for you guys to be jealous about? We are happy and i am also happy in love. And really, what's the problem of being in love? You have always emphasized "studies come first." But you cant control feelings. Why the issue of barring him? It makes no sense to me. Or plainly, its bullshit. Yes, iam enraged. And if this problem cant be settled, you wont be seeing me until late feb. I may seem unfilial but iam still sane. Dont expect me to do all of your bidding. Go find yourselves a new puppet.
The rest of the issues in my life, i shallnt elaborate. Lately, i have been isolating myself from the crowd. Other than heading to school, i have always been home. Wanted to roam around but the rain prevented me. Anyway, i know some of besties are having some issues with their life. I wish to help but i know at this moment, i need to get myself back on feet before helping. To Serene babe, iam sorry that you're going through so much and iam not there physically for you. Dropping you notes is my way of telling you that i still care. Please be strong. Iam not rushing you to move on with your life. Everyone needs to grieve before moving on. But iknow, one day, just one day, you'ii be fine. Please dont do anything to let God take you away from me. I can't afford to lose a friend like you.
Fraid in my life, when problems happened, my first instinct is to run away from it. I have been trying to correct this behaviour and prolly i succeeded a little. Fear is what iam always experiencing and that of cause, make me unable to have the courage to face up to reality. I used to confide everything in sis and boyfriend. But just recently, i realised, i gotta start settling my own problems because no one knows me as much as i know myself. There are many things in life that is just beyond my control. And i know, i have to adapt and change myself for the environment. Not the reverse.
I have way too many new year resolutions and prolly, its time to start planning for applying an overseas exchange to Europe. Guess I need a new environment to start my new life.
The more optimistic i stay, the more challenges i faced. How contradicting life can be. To be frank, iam in no mood to hang out at the moment. Even if i need to sort out my thoughts, iii prolly be alone at somewhere quiet. Girlfriend suddenly came up to me and asked if i was alright. And really, that took me by surprise. She related that, i seemed moody these few days at school. I wish to say more but i knew i couldnt. To me, relating my stories again brings much pain and misery.
I have been through that. And i dont want to go through em' again.
I think, the only issue that i can control is my health. Been trying to nurse myself back to health so that, i can fully focus on my studies. Dont wish for late nights and all those stress to take a further toil in my already weak constitution.
Coming next month, iam gonna make one major decision and this prolly gonna get many to chide at me for being unfilial. But i know, i have to make the right decision. This whole affair has been going ridiculously wrong. And someone just have to stop it. Why has this many years of rivalry between you guys affecting us? Yes i know, we are not financially rich. Yes i know, my dad ain't working due to his disability. Yes i know, we have been through poly. And yes i also know, i manage to get to the local uni. I proved your prediction of 'poly students cant make it to uni' wrong. To be honest, up till today, iii never forget the look on mom's face when i told her that i qualified for local uni. She was so close to tearing.
Seriously, do we have anything for you guys to be jealous about? We are happy and i am also happy in love. And really, what's the problem of being in love? You have always emphasized "studies come first." But you cant control feelings. Why the issue of barring him? It makes no sense to me. Or plainly, its bullshit. Yes, iam enraged. And if this problem cant be settled, you wont be seeing me until late feb. I may seem unfilial but iam still sane. Dont expect me to do all of your bidding. Go find yourselves a new puppet.
The rest of the issues in my life, i shallnt elaborate. Lately, i have been isolating myself from the crowd. Other than heading to school, i have always been home. Wanted to roam around but the rain prevented me. Anyway, i know some of besties are having some issues with their life. I wish to help but i know at this moment, i need to get myself back on feet before helping. To Serene babe, iam sorry that you're going through so much and iam not there physically for you. Dropping you notes is my way of telling you that i still care. Please be strong. Iam not rushing you to move on with your life. Everyone needs to grieve before moving on. But iknow, one day, just one day, you'ii be fine. Please dont do anything to let God take you away from me. I can't afford to lose a friend like you.
Fraid in my life, when problems happened, my first instinct is to run away from it. I have been trying to correct this behaviour and prolly i succeeded a little. Fear is what iam always experiencing and that of cause, make me unable to have the courage to face up to reality. I used to confide everything in sis and boyfriend. But just recently, i realised, i gotta start settling my own problems because no one knows me as much as i know myself. There are many things in life that is just beyond my control. And i know, i have to adapt and change myself for the environment. Not the reverse.
I have way too many new year resolutions and prolly, its time to start planning for applying an overseas exchange to Europe. Guess I need a new environment to start my new life.
|3:59 PM|