"i feel, a relapse coming up. =(
trying to control myself.
darn, exams are coming up.
and with all the deadlines,
i can hardly breathe.
JS wrote me a long long letter.
and i think, he is concerned about me getting a burned out.
in which, i promised i will plan my time carefully.
man, its tough."
Those are exactly my thoughts now. I felt the pressure suddenly. Pressure from school work. People gets addicted to caffeine, drugs, booze, sex etc. Iam addicted to sleep. If i dont get my usual noon naps, my mind will start drifting elsewhere. And that was what exactly happened this afternoon. Iam trying to break out of this though. I know the beginning to any changes can be tough. But its essential to take the first step. Its not just this iam worried about. My quality of work is declining. That is my greatest pressure. As mentioned, exams are coming up. And i seemed to be going through one of my darkest periods concurrently.
Min dropped by yesterday. It was a surprise visit. She was so sweet. Bought me this pillow mist from L'Occitane, Meiji Choc and a cd featuring Bobby McFerrin. We chatted till almost 1am when i urged her to return home. I wish for longer chats though. But those short moments were enough. She kept emphasizing that, friends ought to be here for me and that, i shouldnt feel bad. To be frank, i hate troubling people. Not even my family actually. I guess, if iam living alone outside, my family will never know about my problems. Well, i guess, life is like that hur?
i havent blame anyone for my problems. Sometimes, i do feel that, the problems are not enough to last me a lifetime. Everyone should face with problems to grow. But i know, iam learning the hard way. No route is easy and i accept that. I seemed to be babbling non-stop. Have this strong urge to delete this post but oh well, my fingers just went "publish" instead. hah. going nuts. must be the medicine.
trying to control myself.
darn, exams are coming up.
and with all the deadlines,
i can hardly breathe.
JS wrote me a long long letter.
and i think, he is concerned about me getting a burned out.
in which, i promised i will plan my time carefully.
man, its tough."
Those are exactly my thoughts now. I felt the pressure suddenly. Pressure from school work. People gets addicted to caffeine, drugs, booze, sex etc. Iam addicted to sleep. If i dont get my usual noon naps, my mind will start drifting elsewhere. And that was what exactly happened this afternoon. Iam trying to break out of this though. I know the beginning to any changes can be tough. But its essential to take the first step. Its not just this iam worried about. My quality of work is declining. That is my greatest pressure. As mentioned, exams are coming up. And i seemed to be going through one of my darkest periods concurrently.
Min dropped by yesterday. It was a surprise visit. She was so sweet. Bought me this pillow mist from L'Occitane, Meiji Choc and a cd featuring Bobby McFerrin. We chatted till almost 1am when i urged her to return home. I wish for longer chats though. But those short moments were enough. She kept emphasizing that, friends ought to be here for me and that, i shouldnt feel bad. To be frank, i hate troubling people. Not even my family actually. I guess, if iam living alone outside, my family will never know about my problems. Well, i guess, life is like that hur?
i havent blame anyone for my problems. Sometimes, i do feel that, the problems are not enough to last me a lifetime. Everyone should face with problems to grow. But i know, iam learning the hard way. No route is easy and i accept that. I seemed to be babbling non-stop. Have this strong urge to delete this post but oh well, my fingers just went "publish" instead. hah. going nuts. must be the medicine.
|10:54 PM|