2 months may have passed. But memories are still vivid. Been told to move on and i have prolly did. But what happened during that short span of time certainly changed my life. Regardless of what others say about my entry, iam still gonna blogged abt it, for these are my exact thoughts about the issues that happened.
In the past, when i was overwhelmed with emotions, i just took my pills, brawl it all out or just lapsed into another dimension. I was definitely badly affected by the past events. Its true that time is suppose to heal, but as mentioned countless of times before, how long does it takes to heal exactly? She took 2 years for a 6 months relationship. I really donno about myself. Not forgetting the fact that i gave my entire ALL in that 1.5 years. I regretted for this point. I regretted not holding back. I regretted being overly self-sacrificial. I regretted trying to be his everything. I regretted letting myself getting hurt when i was suppose to self-love.
And of course, my biggest regret was to allow my emotions taking over me for the whole six months. I refused help from mom, dad, sis and friends. I just wanted help from him. I think he tried but the help he gave was not what i wanted.
I tried to take many baby steps to get myself outta this but to no avail. That time, i was emotionally dependent on him. Only he was capable of making me happy and sad. And frankly, i think that really sucks. Relationships ARE supposed to be beautiful and trusting. Why do i live with so much decep and prolly hatred? During the time when i needed a trusted support the most, he left me. Yes, i became heavily dependent on my family, friends and jinsheng. Not that i really wanted to but i was left with no choice. I remembered blogging a private entry, "....extremely rocky now...really pray for the best and hope we dont end up going seperate ways cos if that happens, its really the end of the world of me......" Fang also mentioned few months back that, if i were to suffer a breakup, my condition will certainly get worst. True enough, that happened.
Come to think of it, some friends thought it was pure cruelty. Others thought it might be a blessing in disguise. As for me, it could be a mixture of both but prolly skewed more to the latter. Actually, i thought i might have a committment phobia after this. But surprisingly, this is not the case for jinsheng. Through him and all the past events that had occured, i learnt to be emotionally independent from my partners. And i thought that has made me happier to some great extend. I have derive joy from the things i wish to do, not from my boyfriend.
Anyway, speaking of which, we have been together for coming close to a month. I think time passed very fast and the day that we got together was extremely significant, 150607. Its the middle of the year and the middle of the month. Additionally, its his birthday too. Kok Liang says i can save on his present every year. =) haha. Oh well, he has been so great as well. Really wonderful. We do have our disagreements at times, but i guess we always talk things out and i really appreciate that =)
Suppose to be celebrating this sat. I told him i wanted sushi cos i am extremely obsessed with Salmon Sashimi =D Oh my, typing this now just makes me hungry. Gotta wait tho. Good things must always wait. And also, its less a month to my HongKong trip. I just met up with mel today to discuss with her about our trip. Getting excited as well. My first time abroad with friend. How cool can that be? Its gonna be sucha wonderful birthday present to me. I guess its kinda sad that eileen can join. And really babe, i wonder how you are getting on. I wanted to comment you on your bloggy. But after typing, i decided to drop you an email the next day. And as expected, that next day never came! sorry. But still, i do care and i really miss you. =) just text me if anything k. iii always be here
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